Basement Trio

 It’s likely I am a prude. I’m probably not as sexually liberated as some people. I’ve done some stuff, I’ve talked about doing some stuff, but when it comes down to it, I’d rather keep things mostly vanilla with a few sprinkles every now and then. I am definitely monogamous. As much as I sometimes wish I could be into the same sex (because it seems simpler, even though I know it is not), I am not attracted to females. I can admire them, I can think they are beautiful and attractive but that is where it ends. I am cis-gender, hetero-sexual, and probably rather boring.  This is why I find it aggravating that in the last four days my home has been the stage for a ménage à trois of sorts. Primero informed me last week he planned on having two friends sleep over Thursday night. He did not tell me there would be alcohol involved until he came upstairs fairly drunk. I was not impressed. These friends ended up spending the night (often leaving during the day) for four consecutive nights. Not only were they drinking but, according to Primero, they were getting pretty frisky thanks to the libations and an Uno game with write-in suggestions.

 

All of the parties involved are of age, not to drink, but to make adult decisions. Other than loud music, those of us living upstairs were unaware of the goings-on down below. I could have continued on in blissful ignorance except Primero likes to tell me stuff. What has me the most agitated is the particular individuals involved (problematic due to some drama with Primero’s oldest brother, his girlfriend, and who is cheating on who). And, Primero claiming he doesn’t want x, y or z to happen, but continually inviting these two characters back over to our house. He doth protest too much, methinks. But, here I sit in the awkward aftermath wondering how to handle the situation. I do not really want this same thing to happen again. However, Primero is an adult, the other players were adults and they kept their crazy mess confined to his room. Still, I wish he would be like other kids and do this crazy stuff in a college dorm room and not my basement.  

 

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Lack of Money Management Skills

I hate money. I hate feeling like we never have enough money. I am also total rubbish when it comes to finances, especially my own. We got out back porch replaced this summer and it cost more than I was hoping because some of the materials were nearly triple in price. I don’t exactly understand how Covid and the quarantine are to blame, but the over-budget porch combined with my piss-poor money management skills means we won’t be going down the shore like I had hoped next week. The kids have told everyone, bragged about it at daycare and to anyone with ears willing to listen. I hate crushing their hopes, but I just can’t swing it. At least we have a safe and stable back porch we can enjoy?

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Won't You (Not) Be My Neighbor?

 I don’t remember exactly when our next door neighbors moved in. The house had sat empty for several years until the newcomers showed up. I’m not sure if they bought the property or are renting it. I don’t remember seeing a for sale sign. I remember the first time I realized someone was living there. I was home alone from work because I was not feeling well. I was napping on the couch in our living room, which has windows looking out on the neighbors front yard. I was startled awake by someone screaming and pounding on a door. Concerned, I peaked outside and saw a visibly angry young man stalking up and down the sidewalk in the neighbors yard, screaming and pounding on their front door. I was about to call the cops when I heard him scream, “Mom! Open the !@#$% door!” He ranted and raved for probably close to an hour before successfully waking his mother and gaining access to the house. Welcome to the neighborhood neighbors. I liked it better when this house was empty. I had issues with a previous owner, who also screamed obscenities, only they were directed at me or my dog. He actually frightened me because I don’t think he was mentally stable. I was quite happy when he moved away. Now, we have this young man who also seems to struggle with mental health issues. During the pandemic, when I was attending my weekly women’s empowerment meetings in the van (for privacy) he would inevitably end up in a screaming match with a young woman that often ended in things being thrown at her car or into the street (don’t get me started on their trash in the street issue). On Memorial Day, when our other next door neighbors had a party, I heard someone sobbing outside and was concerned for the young woman who tends to be on the receiving end of the young man’s screaming diatribes.  I sent Primero off to check on her, but he couldn’t find her. I was concerned she might be the victim of more than just verbal abuse, so I try to keep an eye out for her.

 

Beyond the tirades, my latest issue with these neighbors are the pungent smells of their marijuana wafting into my backyard while I am outside with my children. First of all, I detest the smell of pot. It smells like skunk spray to me and is simply gross. Secondly, I do not want my children to be around someone smoking pot (or smoking anything at all) so when they start, we go inside. But, that is not fair to my children, who have a right to be in their backyard playing. The way our houses are situated, my house sits on the front of the property, right on the sidewalk. So, we don’t have a front yard, just small spots for a flower garden. Their house sits on the back of the property so they have a large front yard but not much of a backyard. This means their front deck in in line with our backyard. So, the smoke from their favorite pastime wafts easily into our yard. I hate it. Marijuana is not legal in our state, other than for medicinal purposes and sold through a state-approved facility to someone with a medical marijuana card. Obviously I do not know their medical status, but often times it is a group of young men, so I will go out on a limb and guess it isn’t being used for medicinal purposes. Their flagrant disregard for the law chafes me, but even more so is their pollution of the air around our home. I am powerless to stop it, which only makes me more angry about it. I wish we had the resources to move, but that is also not a possibility. I am also not super comfortable talking to them, given the young man’s outbursts and public displays of aggression. My kids like talking to the neighbors and are always calling out hello, or asking to pet their dogs. So, I guess I just have to work on getting over it. Bring the kids inside when necessary and talk to them about being good neighbors (and probably start talking about drug use in an age-appropriate way). Just add that to our list of things to learn while home this first quarter.

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Virtually Untenable

 There are a lot of personal thoughts and emotions regarding back to school this year. Our district held a special school board meeting last week to decide what they were going to do. It was over 4 hours long. Our governor has decided to allow school districts to plan on what to do – open to in-person classes or do virtual classes or some hybrid version. Ultimately, our district chose to do virtual classes, with the teachers teaching remotely. I made the mistake of commenting on the district’s Facebook post about it and got sucked into a whirlwind of everyone thinking they were right and no one listening or finding compassion for anyone else. I’ve had some time to think about it and here are my thoughts (not that you asked).

 

The bottom line, no matter on what outcome you were personally hoping for, none of the choices were desirable choices. People asked me what I hoped would happen and I replied honestly, “I wish the virus would go away so the kids can go to school.” As with any decision made, it is impossible to please all of the people. In short, this sucks.

 

What I know thus far is there will be some form of orientation for the parents at the beginning of the school year. The students are expected to log in daily for attendance and their work will be graded. The school is setting up wifi hotspots around all the school buildings to help families who do not have internet access. All extracurricular activities have been cancelled. The schools will distribute lunch daily and the schedules allow time for the lunch to be picked up. One question was asked about special needs students and it was glossed over as, sure they will learn online. One question was asked about working parents and it was suggested that daycare facilities take on the roll of making sure students are logged in and learning. This plan is for the first 6 weeks of school (the first quarter) and will be evaluated pending the number of covid cases at that time.

 

Our district handed out Chromebooks in late May. They were allowing one per household. For us this means we have one laptop and two learners. I’m not a math wiz, but it seems if both kids needs to log on for attendance by 8:30 am, someone is going to be marked absent. We are fortunate because a friend gave us a laptop which allows both kids to be logged in at the same time, however the Chromebook has access to all of the necessary Google classroom ish whereas the laptop just gets them access to the internet.

 

As of right now, I am working in the office two days out of the week, which gives me three days at home. I sort of mentioned to the daycare director that the plan was for them to take on the responsibility of getting kids onto their laptops but we were only talking hypothetically. Again, we are lucky because my supervisor has assured me I can work from home all 5 days out of the week. But, and I’m not trying to look a gift horse in the mouth here, this means I am going to be back into that stressful situation of trying to two important things simultaneously and failing miserably at both. Since the beginning of July I have been translating for Spanish-speakers who are unemployed and trying to deal with the unemployment office. I do it via Skype on my laptop and it requires quiet and concentration. The kids have been in daycare since I started doing it and there has been little issue. Even if one assumes I can keep the children quiet, they will potentially be listening to a teacher talking, thus competing with my call. Ok, we can go to different rooms but we don’t have desks for each room, and if I am not sitting with the kids I do not know what they are learning and I am less likely going to be able to help. Not to mention the fact that I will have to actively, beg, bribe, cajole, and harass Love Bug to sit and listen to his teacher. So, sure I can work from home. And sure, I can homeschool/virtually school my kids. I have confidence in my abilities to do both of those things. But, not at the same time. At least not well. And this doesn’t even mention the stress and pressure of it all, so if I am lifeless and unresponsive by the end of September, this is why.

 

I fear for the special needs learners. I made the comment that some things can’t be learned online, like handwriting, to which I got a scathing reply “Don’t you know how to write?” Um… Yes, I can write. And I can probably teach a child to write if they are a neurotypical child, but I don’t have confidence in teaching a child to write who has challenges in doing so. Just like I can apply a Band-Aid for a cut but I would not attempt to give myself stitches; there are professionals for that sort of thing and I feel like that is what Love Bug needs. And it isn’t just handwriting, there are a of things he is missing because he is not in school. He needs school; he needs the structure that comes from school. There are some children, well people in general, who cannot learn via a virtual medium. My Love Bug falls into this category. He is more of a tactile learner and he needs to be engaged physically while learning. In the spring I was semi-ok with the idea that he would fall behind but get caught up once he was back in school. But, not knowing how long this will go on, I don’t know that I am still that patient. I know I can’t really do anything, other than teach him myself, but I don’t think I’m his best option either. A coworker suggested I homeschool him so I can choose the schedule, but to be honest, that is way above my pay-grade. I simply don't have the tools and know-how to handle special needs education. 

I am disappointed it didn't seem like a lot of consideration was given to just how hard this would be, especially for working parents or single parents. From my brief foray on the Facebook crazy train, other parents suggested us working parents should simply find another job; one that allows us to stay home and school our children. Or, we should use the federal new FMLA to stay home. I work 37.5 hours per week, which my state considers full-time but not the federal government. So, I would only be eligible to a point. Regardless, it would mean taking a significant pay-cut, something we don't have the luxury of doing. Just like finding a different job is not a realistic solution, nor does it guarantee the ability to stay home with our kids. I would need to take a third shift job, which mostly around here is in manufacturing or warehouses and it would pay a fraction of what I am earning, not to mention I would need to find a (non-existent) daycare that would take my children and uproot their entire lives and for what? I want my children to have an education but I also need realistic solutions to make that happen. Our current situation is simply untenable. 

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Parenting in 2020

I am still working from home this week because the Covid test results are still pending. I will be returning to work next week, since that will be beyond 2 weeks of quarantine. Love Bug has been sent back to daycare, so my fingers are crossed this week will goes well. Next week we will also know what our school district decides for the upcoming school year. They are presenting three options to the school board. Option one is all the students return to in-person classes. Option two is for only the academically vulnerable to attend in-person classes and the rest of the students attend virtually. The district decides who is academically vulnerable. The third option is for all students to attend virtual classes. 

As many parents are, I am vacillating on what my choice will be, depending on what the school decides. If the school chooses option one, like another local district, I need to decide if I am sending my children to school or homeschooling them or perhaps trying to find an alternative like a Montessori school. I have a friend with kids my kids ages and she has decided to homeschool her kids, regardless of the school districts decision. Of course, the in-person option would be easiest in terms of work, but most worrisome for the health of my children. On one hand, my kids are healthy, hardly ever sick despite their questionable personable hygiene. But, I don't really want to test their immune system by throwing them into a likely germ cesspool (let's be honest, schools are generally known as a good place to catch a cold). Yet, they are in daycare, which is also a good place to catch a case. There are a lot less kids at daycare than at school, so likely less of a chance. At this point, any decision feels like rolling the dice. 

Option two also presents it's share of problems. I don't know which students might be identified as "academically vulnerable" but I sense it might be kiddos like my Love Bug; the ones in special education, the ones who need more in-person attention or receive other assistive services. Under this option, I am guessing one of my children will be attending in-person classes and the other will be attending virtual schooling. Chica Marie did pretty good with the virtual schooling the end of this past school session, so that isn't the concern. My worry is how I will make it possible for her to be in class daily. After this week, I will return to working in the office twice a week. Will three days per week be enough for her to keep up with the work? Will I be able to work from home all week to accommodate her schooling? Would the daycare be willing to allow her to sign on and work two days per week? So many more questions than answers.

Option three is the most difficult for me to execute. If both kids need to be attending virtual classes, how will I be able to assist them working from home three days per week? What if I return to the office full-time with the kids still attending virtual classes? Trying to school the kids while working was so hard the last few months of school. Nearly impossible given their unique needs and my lack of teaching skills. Now, I am translating via Skype when I am working from home, which means I am even less able to be distracted but with even more of a need to be able to dedicate to working with my kids. The district wasn't grading the students the fourth quarter, but now they will be expecting the kids to perform. They handed out Chromebooks, so there is less of an issue of having available technology. So, while this is the safest option, physically, it is the most problematic for our little clan. 

No matter what the district decides, there will be something conceded. It will not be an easy decision by any means. This is parenting in 2020. 

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New Normal, Same Problems

I am working from home all week this week due to someone in our office needing to get tested for Covid-19. It is a precaution but they are also sanitizing our work space, so we cannot be there. Love Bug has been struggling at daycare, so his therapist and I decided to keep him home with me to cut down on his anxiety. I don't know if it is the best decision, but it does preserve his ability to attend daycare. I have such high anxiety about him being asked to leave, like he was last year this time. I feel the pressure of trying to find something else for him and it is frightening. Fortunately, I can keep him home with me right now. And, if need be, I can send him to daycare just a few days a week when I have to be in the office. But, for how long? I know there's a lot of talk about the "new normal" but not knowing how long this new reality might last also makes me anxious. I am trying to just be here, now, in the present and not borrowing worries from the future that might never come to pass. Quarantine has been a personal journey for me and I am coming to understand how my perfectionism has caused a great deal of personal anxiety and anguish. And this anxiety seeps into much of my life in ways I hadn't recognized before. Internally, I fight with myself about getting on the ball and starting a special needs daycare, as I have been talking about doing for nearly a year now. But, on the other hand, I don't have so many of the necessary things, like capital or specific education. So, I have to deal with what is, and that is our current daycare who cannot or will not handle my Love Bug. The next school year is still up in the air, so I don't know how heavily I will need to rely on them going forward. Maybe the new normal will stick around long enough for me to figure out a different option for my kiddo.



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Back to The Office

I have officially returned to work in the office. My first day back was last week. It was ok but rather lonely. To mitigate contact, staff is working in staggered shifts, which means something different for each team. The extended hours we were supposed to work has not be approved by the union (Yet. No idea if this is still being considered), so we are only working our normal hours. But, only one of us is in the office at a time. I work in the office on Monday’s and Thursday’s and from home the rest of the week. Getting back into the morning routine has been hard. I had tried to keep some semblance of a routine during quarantine and the last few weeks I have been getting up earlier. But, being the genius I am, I decided I needed to not only start a new cleaning schedule but I also want to spend some time working out or doing yoga in the morning, plus the meditating I have been doing. It was a breath-taking schedule this morning to be honest. I should probably get up earlier to get it all done but I sense that no matter how early I rise, I will still feel like I’m sprinting to get to work on time. Sigh. Mornings are just not my thing. Or maybe, working at someone else’s schedule is just not my thing. There are some nice things about being at work, like using a computer with a mouse (I’ve been using my laptop at home).Of course some things work better at home, like Skype (I was sent home today to use Skype on my laptop after spending two hours trying to get it to work on the laptop in the office). But, mostly it’s annoying having the mask on and trying to not breathe into my eyes (honestly, my eyes get sore, it’s weird – I don’t wear glasses but I can understand this is also highly annoying with the glasses fogging up constantly). The work is mostly the same although I am doing more translation for customers collecting unemployment. I feel like each day brings new questions about how something might function differently while following social distancing.

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