Delightful

In 2016 I discovered the Word of the Year. It was a way to bring focus to a goal or part of a goal you wished to achieve in the coming new year. Three years ago things were murky with the little ones and other upheavals in our lives made me choose the word Stay, as in “stay the course” and see it through. In 2017 I wanted something to push growth and I chose the word Thrive to imply not just growth but also accomplishment, flourishing. Last year I was feeling rather ho-hum about the whole thing until a random Facebook quiz alerted me to the word Ready. I felt ready for something to come to an end and for new things to get started. It seemed like a good fit. I feel like the words I chose worked for those years but they also feel hard, like words of struggle or strife. I want to enjoy 2019, I want to find joy in the everyday and leave the harder things behind. I tried a random word assignment quiz and it gave me dance. I chose again and it gave me organize, then escape, and finally blossom before I moved onto a different quiz. The second quiz gave me the word Delight. Ah, yes that fits! I want 2019 to be a delight; light and airy and full of beautiful things! 2019 - Delight

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

Random Acts of Kindness Recap

I worry that I am not doing enough to teach my children to be kind. Often times their behaviors are anything but and it makes me worry about how they will be as adults. So, I decided to have us prepare for Christmas by performing 24 random acts of kindness. It seemed like a big way to show my kids it was good to be nice and it didn’t have to cost us much to be kind. Love Bug didn’t seem to grasp the idea at all and, as per his usual M.O., he participated under his own terms. Sometimes he would really be involved and then skip out after a few minutes. The one task he loved was collecting the shopping carts, mostly because he was pretending to couple trains together. Other than that, he was mostly ambivalent to our tasks. Chica Marie seemed to really catch on to our scheme and she even asked me, after Christmas was over, what we would do for our act of kindness. So, there is some understanding and she seemed to recognize doing something kind felt nice. But, I worry it might be another way for her to seek attention. Still, it would better for her to seek positive attention than the negative attention she seems to relish.

 

I made a promise to myself to not broadcast our acts on social media. I didn’t want to use the acts as a way for other people to congratulate us or call to attention what we were doing. I wanted us to remain as anonymous as possible. This wasn’t a publicity stunt. I don’t want my kids doing nice things and then snapping a selfie to congratulate themselves. I wanted it to be more natural than that. To be honest, it was awkward sometimes. We handed out cards with positive messages. It’s one thing for that to come from a child, but another when it comes from an adult. Monetarily we didn’t have much to spend with the holidays coming up, so I struggled to find things we could do that wouldn’t cost much money. Honestly, for me, this was the hardest part. How easy it would have been to just toss money around! But, that really wouldn’t have been the best example, so I found non-monetary ways to be kind for the most part. It did get grueling for me to add this to our already busy lives. I got creative and lazy, to be honest. But, for the most part, we persevered. If we do this again next year, we will definitely choose less time. But, I am also thinking about us doing something once a month. There are things on our list we still haven’t done, so maybe we could do one a month for the next year and end the year with two weeks of daily acts of kindness. My take away is, this needs to be more of a habit instead of being linked to a holiday. Maybe then it will become more second nature for my kids.    

Waffles and Ice Cream

Friday evening the little ones and I had dinner with Mini Momma and Grandma. I was surprised that Grandma only brought Mini Momma because usually other family members tag along, which is  nice. Chica Marie was stuck to her sisters side the entire meal. Love Bug remember the last time we met there for breakfast and insisted he have a waffle again. And, like last time, he whined and cried until the waffle came out. Then, he ate his sister’s dinner, which was chicken fingers and French fries. Grandma has brought along gifts for the kids and we had something for Mini Momma and Grandma. Chica Marie got one of the lol surprise things and needed help figuring out how to open it. We had gotten Mini Momma a bunch of spa things for her to relax and unwind. Love Bug got a large fire truck, which made noise. He really wanted to take it out of the packaging but we didn’t have a way to cut it out, so he had to wait until we got home. After the kids barely ate their dinner, Grandma ordered them ice cream and taught Love Bug the joy of waffles and ice cream. It was adorable how he imitated her mm-mm-mmm-mmm-mm noise as he tried his first bite. He even made me try it.

 

Mini Momma begged to allow Chica Marie to get the ap hangouts so they could video call one another. After talking to Primero about it, I decided it would not be safe for Chica Marie, so we will need to think of another way for them to chat. Mini Momma doesn’t seem to understand the age gap between herself and Chica Marie. Mini Momma is a tween, on the brink of puberty and all that jazz. Chica Marie is still a little girl and I plan on her being a little girl for as long as possible. Not that I am trying to keep her from growing up, I just want her to stay age-appropriate in a world trying to make her into a little woman. I want her to play with dolls and believe in Santa for as long as possible. Soon enough Chica Marie will be a tween and then teenager, so I’m trying to keep her sweet innocence for as long as possible. It isn’t easy and it is especially difficult since Mini Momma and Grandma both seem to see her as older than she is. Not only is Chica Marie four years younger than Mini Momma, she is also emotionally a little younger than that. So, she needs some time to catch up and I won’t have her rushed. So, if she can’t video chat on her new tablet with her sister, so be it. They will have to talk in person or through my phone.

 

I am glad that both sisters have seemed to out-grow the tears and hysterical crying they had at every parting in the past. It always seemed to sour the end of the visit when one or both girls were wailing at their parting. Chica Marie did pout but a promise from me and Grandma that we would look at our calendars and see when we could arrange another meeting seemed to turn her frown upside down. All-in-all it was a good visit.

Best Birthday Ever

Initially Chica Marie wanted to spend the night with her sister for her birthday. I had already spoken to her grandmother and made plans for the following weekend. So, instead Chica Marie settled on getting dinner, which turned into lunch, at a restaurant of her choice. First thing in the morning she opened her gifts and chose to wear one of her new dresses. The shoes I got her were a bit too big, which was disappointing, but she wears them around the house for the time being. She will eventually grow into them. After she opened her presents, I made her birthday cake. She asked for a chocolate cake and strawberry icing, then changed her mind to vanilla icing. So, I used my mom’s black cake recipe and planned to use her cooked icing recipe, which is made in two parts so I cooked the milk and flour to make the special icing paste. We had lunch at Appleby’s and then went to Wal-Mart and the mall briefly. Chica Marie had asked to go to the complex where Primero works, which made it easy for us to get him to work on time. Sadly, at the trampoline park the kids could not jump together. They have an area for the little kids and a the rest of the space for everyone else. Love Bug was much too short to be allowed into the big people space and Chica Marie was too tall to be allowed with the little kids. I tried to split my time between them, but I was technically supposed to be watching Love Bug. They both had a good time but they would have had a better time if they had been allowed to stay together. After they jumped for over an hour, Chica Marie got some of the foam stuff in her eye, so we had to use the first aid eye flush, which she made a big deal about. Then, we went to find the bathroom, only we found Santa instead. So, after our impromptu photo session, the kids used the bathroom and we went to the arcade area. We found where Primero works and he challenged me to the hot seat. It was fun but I did not win. The kids ran around playing games and I worried about Love Bug melting down, since that is what has happened every time we’ve been there. He did really good and didn’t whine at all when I said it was time to go home and have cake. I had to finish the icing first and then I let the kids decorate the cake, which they loved. Copious quantities of icing were consumed. We sang to Chica Marie and then it was time for baths and bed. As we were in bed trying to get the kids off their sugar high and to sleep, Chica Marie sighed from the top bunk and declared, “Mommy, this was the best birthday ever!” Bless her sweet little heart!

Christmas Drama Mama

I loved Christmas as a child. It was a time where family gathered together, favorite foods were created, and there was a magical zest in the air. The first Christmas that I didn’t believe in Santa was slightly tarnished, as was the year my brother convinced me to help him find our gifts, but mostly I have fond memories of the holiday. Sadly, as an adult most of my Christmas memories are not as jolly. Christmas is a tough time for my kiddos for a lot of reasons. Our schedules get messed up, there is more to do and see and of course the expectation of the big day, not to mention remembering they are separated from their biological family and the sadness that brings. So, every year since the kids have moved in I have tried to keep my expectations very low. I thought I was doing an ok job of it this year until I was blind sighted by my biological family drama.

 

My sister had spoken to me the Friday before Christmas about doing a dinner instead of our typical brunch. It would mean less rushing around for us in the morning, so I was game. She agreed to contact our mom and discuss the details with her. I’m not clear on how that conversation went or if it even occurred. Saturday was Chica Marie’s birthday. We had plans to celebrate her day, starting with lunch at a restaurant of her choice so Primero could join us, since he would be working at dinner time. After lunch we ran a few brief errands and then took Primero to work where the kids played in the arcade and jumped in the trampoline park. But, on our way to taking Primero to work, I noticed I had two missed calls from my dad, two missed calls from my mom and a missed call from my sister. I wondered if they were trying to reach me to wish Chica Marie a happy birthday. I called my mom back. She answered and it soon became clear she not only did not remember it was Chica Marie’s birthday, she also didn’t care. She called me to cancel Christmas. She told me she “just couldn’t pretend” this year and didn’t want us to come over. I was dumfounded. Sadly, I had her on speaker phone, thinking she would want to say, “Happy Birthday!” to Chica Marie. I sat in the van as Primero took the kids inside to play and I called my sister. Apparently she too had been told our mother was not participating in Christmas this year. We decided to meet for pedicures the next day and talk about how we wanted to make Christmas for ourselves.

 

Sunday morning our mom text us both stating our father would like to see us for Christmas and we should contact him. I called and text but he didn’t respond to me. My sister decided her and her husband would come to see us Christmas Eve on their way to his grandfather’s place for dinner. We would exchange gifts and celebrate on our own. My dad called me Monday morning asking to see us for breakfast the day after Christmas. I told him I was going back to work so we agreed to meet at Nana’s house on Christmas day.

As I was in the grocery store later that same day, my mom called me. I didn’t respond until I was back in my car. She wanted to know how to get the children’s gifts to them. I told her whatever was convenient for her. If she wanted, she could send them with Dad to the market and I could pick them up there. She was clearly crying. She said, “I don’t know why it has to be this way.” I told her we were only trying to abide by her wishes. “Well you didn’t for my birthday!” Her birthday was the last time she told my sister and I off. I responded that maybe it was a mistake that we didn’t abide by her wishes on her birthday. She began crying harder. She told me my sister and I don’t have any compassion or empathy for her. “You have such compassion for everyone else but not for your own mother,” she accused me. She also essentially told me I am supposed to intuitively know what she needs and wants and once again told me both my sister and I are bad daughters. I managed to not cry during our conversation but bawled my eyes out after we hung up.

During our conversation my mom managed to get a clue out of me as to when we were seeing our dad. I worried she might make a big deal out of us being on the farm and not coming to her house. I told my sister and my dad that I would not subject my children to any drama. We would quietly and quickly leave if anything started. My mom didn’t show up at our grandmother’s place. Our dad showed up with evidence he had been crying. He cried a little when talking to my sister. I know it was so hard on him. As my sister said, our mother was playing a game and expecting us to beg to see her. Instead, we took her at her word and didn’t. During our phone conversation my mom mentioned she wanted to watch Love Bug open the train she got him – a replica Polar Express. She would have been delighted because his reaction didn’t disappoint. He was nearly vibrating with joy, somehow knowing before even seeing, he had gotten the train he wanted for Christmas. His joy was palpable and beautiful. It’s so sad she missed it.  

The Last Cry

Not long after being unfairly stripped of the vice president title at school (his presidential running mate decided she didn’t want the work that came with the title after they won the election. There’s a lot more politicking to it than that, but that’s the Reader’s Digest version), Primero got involved in a play (titled, The Last Cry) that was written by a fellow classmate. He tried out on a whim and won the leading male role. The plot was related to bullying and suicide prevention and slated to be performed during suicide/bulling prevention day at school. I had read the script and knew a lot about the play from Primero, but the scene where the girl harms herself still got me. It was very intense and sadly realistic. Primero played a very convincing abusive boyfriend, which agitated one of the men sitting near me during the play. I was so proud of Primero and so glad he chose to be a part of this play. In a way, I felt like my old Primero was back, the one who was involved in something he was passionate about and who worked really hard to produce something he could be proud of. I was immensely proud of him and I’m really looking forward to seeing the follow up that he says is in the works. Apparently, the filmography teacher wants to make a short film and submit it to a film festival. This is something Primero is good at, something that helps him hone his creativity and get connected with likeminded friends. I sincerely hope he is able to stay involved in the short film and can enjoy the film festival as well.

Random Act of Kindess - Day 24

On Christmas Eve, our last day for random acts of kindness, I wanted to take cookies to the local fire fighters, just down the street from us. Only, I never got a chance to call the station and understand the rules about bringing in outside, homemade food stuff. We had baked the vanilla cookies and decorated them with red and green icing and plenty of pretty sprinkles. I just didn’t want to get the kids all hyped up about taking them into the fire house only to be turned away. My fault for not doing better due-diligence. We will have to take the cookies in sometime this week.