Not my circus, not my monkeys

So, we had a nice night trick-or-treating on Friday. It was a little chilly, but we kept warm walking around my friends neighborhood. The little girl was scared at first, but she soon got the idea and had a great time gathering candy. Primero pushed the baby around in the stroller until he began to cry and then I carried him (the baby, not Primero). We have a few cute pictures and a nice memory.

 

This weekend Primero’s brother began unraveling again. He posted on Facebook that he started cutting himself. I sent him a message hoping to bolster his feelings, but it had little effect. He called Primero and they talked for a minute and Primero expressed his exasperation about his brother to me. The brother had broken up with a girlfriend last week and immediately began “dating” another girl via Facebook, but then they broke up as well. How do you stop the insanity with such poor relationship decisions? He doesn’t need a girlfriend right now, he just needs to concentrate on getting (and staying) healthy himself. And then, he can look for a healthy relationship, once he is ok on his own. But, that level of maturity escapes him, unfortunately. We have still not heard if we would be able to have Primero’s brother spend this coming weekend with us. Primero has vowed to follow up with his case worker, since I said it made me uncomfortable to push the envelope. I just don’t want to get any entity irritated and jeopardize Primero’s adoption. At this point, I feel like pulling away from the situation. It’s not that I don’t want to help Primero’s brother, but I doubt very much his moving in with us would cause any great change for him emotionally. He doesn’t have Primero’s plucky spirit and his desire to make the best of every situation. He mentioned on Facebook that his family doesn’t care about him and I know that is bullocks. I know his siblings care about him, but they are not in positions where they can help him beyond offering their emotional support. It’s almost like he is determined to be miserable and even seek attention to draw others into his misery. I’m not a therapist or a psychologist, I have no clue how to help him over-come his emotional demons. It’s always a fine line between offering to help and being a nosy nuisance. I want this kid to know he has a friendly ear to listen, if he feels like talking about things or even just bemoaning his current situation. But, I don’t want to be pushy or seem like I’m trying to force myself into a situation where I don’t need to be. It’s a strange situation to be his brother’s mother (almost!), but nothing to him. So, really at this point it would be easy to just give up and walk away. Just as the Facebook meme states, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” But, that’s the easy way out, it’s the simple way to absolve myself of the responsibility to care for someone I don’t have to care about. Since when have I been about the easy way out? I will reach out to him once again and offer support, let him know all hope is not lost. And, I might even try to get in touch with the case worker to have a definitive answer about this weekend. I will do what I can and pray for the best…….