In the beginning of the quarantine I debated with myself if I was better off having the kids here with me or if I would have been better off alone. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I was happier with the kids being here, even if they drove me bonkers with their demands and incessant fighting. I wasn't alone and lonely. I was talking to a friend on messenger last night about and issue with my neighbors (possible domestic violence issues). I asked how she was doing and she said, since she is working her kids have to be with their fathers and it hurts so much to not be with her kids, especially since her daughter is only 10 months old. But, she needs to keep them safe, so she is making the sacrifice. Reading what she wrote made me feel so sad and grateful once again to be home with my kids. Even during our difficult times.
Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.
Tuesday, May 26, 2020
Monday, May 18, 2020
Posting Once Again
I don't know why I stopped writing. It's not like I didn't need this space or found a better way of working through things. Maybe I just got tired? In any event, I am not utterly abandoning this space and want to return and make the time to continue writing about the struggles and the beauty of adoption and infertility.
We have had endured some challenging times during this extended lockdown. The last Wednesday in April I got so upset (at something rather trivial) I left the house for two hours. I just walked out sobbing and drove around sobbing until somehow I found my way back home. Only, I didn't want to go home. I needed two friends to talk me into going home. In the end, I only returned because I needed to use the bathroom (and had no mask to use a public restroom) and needed to charge my phone. I hid in my bedroom until it was time to make dinner. The day ended with all four of us making dinner together and all was right with the world.
The children have been doing zoom calls for therapy. I have been doing therapy over the phone, as has Primero and my women's empowerment group has been meeting via Zoom as well. I hide in my van, since there really is no privacy in my house. Primero sits with the kids, reluctantly. He is not working (arcade places are not essential).
The things we are doing well:
1. Taking time outside (when it is not raining)
2. Not worrying too much about school or work and stopping those activities by dinnertime.
3. Trying to stay in touch (the kids have been video chatting with their family)
4. Spending quality time together (we developed a "mom night" for the kids, where they take turns staying up with me while their sibling goes to bed - to give them each some one-on-one time with me and break from one another)
5. Staying home
6. Trying new things
Things we could improve:
1. Primero could spend more time with the people living in this home and less time with the virtual people
2. Anxiety (especially for Love Bug)
3. Primero spent the night with his sister-in-law this past weekend
4. Having a little more grace with one another
5. We could be doing a little more school work the teachers have worked so hard on sending to us
6. Mom could have a little more patience. Ok, we all could.
Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.
We have had endured some challenging times during this extended lockdown. The last Wednesday in April I got so upset (at something rather trivial) I left the house for two hours. I just walked out sobbing and drove around sobbing until somehow I found my way back home. Only, I didn't want to go home. I needed two friends to talk me into going home. In the end, I only returned because I needed to use the bathroom (and had no mask to use a public restroom) and needed to charge my phone. I hid in my bedroom until it was time to make dinner. The day ended with all four of us making dinner together and all was right with the world.
The children have been doing zoom calls for therapy. I have been doing therapy over the phone, as has Primero and my women's empowerment group has been meeting via Zoom as well. I hide in my van, since there really is no privacy in my house. Primero sits with the kids, reluctantly. He is not working (arcade places are not essential).
The things we are doing well:
1. Taking time outside (when it is not raining)
2. Not worrying too much about school or work and stopping those activities by dinnertime.
3. Trying to stay in touch (the kids have been video chatting with their family)
4. Spending quality time together (we developed a "mom night" for the kids, where they take turns staying up with me while their sibling goes to bed - to give them each some one-on-one time with me and break from one another)
5. Staying home
6. Trying new things
Things we could improve:
1. Primero could spend more time with the people living in this home and less time with the virtual people
2. Anxiety (especially for Love Bug)
3. Primero spent the night with his sister-in-law this past weekend
4. Having a little more grace with one another
5. We could be doing a little more school work the teachers have worked so hard on sending to us
6. Mom could have a little more patience. Ok, we all could.
Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.
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