Self Care

 “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

 

Self-care. I’m probably doing it wrong. Someone telling me I need to take time to care for myself triggers me. It makes me angry. Not because I don’t want to take care of myself, but because the demand that I do is just one more demand on me, one more admonishment to do something I’m probably not doing right or the person wouldn’t have to tell me about it. It never fails, if I am telling someone about how hard virtual schooling has been and how stressful it is to simultaneously be expected to work from home, the response is “What do you do to take care of you?” Because adding more things to my ever-growing list of stuff I’m not doing or not doing enough is going to help. Let’s be real here. Things are not easy right now. Our world got up-ended in March and it is still weeble-wobbling around unsettled. I had been working on getting additional child care options prior to Covid. I had mostly gotten all my plates spinning in the same direction and it was manageable. But, quarantine smashed them all to the ground. So, now I am trying to patch it all back together, but we have some missing pieces. I think what bugs me the most about someone questioning my self-care is what they don’t know. I make a point to have time to sit and relax at night when the kids go to bed. I clean my house so I can stay sane. I have been getting up and doing yoga every weekday morning for about three months now. I have found a meditation app and I use it almost every weekday morning. Once a week I take a soaking bath in Epsom salts. I shower regularly and I am constantly trying to eat healthier (of course I slip up a lot, but I’m learning to forgive myself and so should you). I have set my phone to dim at a certain time at night, reminding me to make my way to bed. I am not doing nothing! But, life is like a sieve. The more I dumb in, the more runs out. I just haven’t reached a catch up point. I would need like a two-week, kid-free all expenses paid vacation and that just hasn’t materialized. So, I keep making an effort to do the things I can do and add other things when I can afford them and make the time to make it happen. Ironically, I find it stressful finding a reliable option for child care so I can do some of the extra stuff, which is another reason I hold back. I think, rather than adding to the load when things are hard, it might be more helpful to offer support. Is there anyone or anything that can help you take care of yourself? Don’t add more pressure or demands – hey you! Take care of yourself dammit! Anyway, aren’t we all just doing the best we can right now?

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