It's a New Year

Today is the last day of 2015. Generally, I like to take this time to reflect on the past year and makes plans for a better year to come. Facebook has helpfully reminded me of some painful end of the year events from a few years ago, specifically the Christmas  Miracle baby. As well as some sadly ominous declarations – such as declaring 2012 was going to be the BEST year yet when it turned out to be the worst year of my life. So, I haven’t had a very good track record when it comes to the end of the year. But, I’m starting to come around. For so long I was resentful that biology dealt me a raw deal that included infertility and angry with myself for being lousy at finding a suitable romantic match. I was angry at how my life had gone off the track in an unexpected way. Added to this disappointment was the heartache of things like the Christmas Miracle baby and the losses of other placements. I didn’t understand why I was forced to march this painful path and I was downright pissed off that it all had to happen the way it did. I saw no reason for the struggle, no goodness to come from the pain. I’ve questioned if “it” would all be worth it once I finally became a mother. In 2015 my dream finally became true – I became a mother officially on 12/9/15. In reality, I’ve been a mother since my first placement in January of 2012 because that is the first time I stepped into this roll of motherhood. But, it was only on a temporary basis and while I was acting out the motions of being a mom, I was not truly anyone’s mother. Now I am.

And so, I suppose, it is time to analyze my previous question – was all I have been through worth it to be Primero’s mother? Would I do it all again so that he would become my son? The simple answer is yes – I would do anything for Primero to be my son because I love him fiercely and I cannot imagine my life without him in it. But, would I really want to relive all that pain and heartache? No, not really. Still, I had a moment of clarity when I was listening to a motivational video a friend of mine has made. In it she asked us to think of someone we really admire. I thought of Helen Keller. Maybe that’s a strange person to think of, but I remember being about 13 and reading about her in school. The short story described how wild she was as a blind and deaf child and I tried to imagine how her world felt to her. I thought, she had every right to be wild! Then she met her teacher, Anne Sullivan, and her world changed because someone took the time to teach her. And Helen Keller went from a wild child to a gracious and bold advocator for people with disabilities. She travelled the world and spoke to thousands of people. Would we know the name of Helen Keller had it not been for a childhood illness that robbed her of her sight and hearing? No, we would not nor would she have been able to reach as many people as she did with her determination. Look at who we admire. Do we admire them because they had it easy, that life was simple for them? No, we admire a person because against all odds they succeeded, they reached a goal when it seemed downright impossible they could even take the first step towards it. I don’t admire Helen Keller because her life was perfect and rosy posy. I admire her because she didn’t let what might have been a debilitating disability keep her from shining or from following her heart and making the world a better place. I admire her because she became something in spite of her troubles and pain not because she managed to avoid trials and tribulations in her life. She didn’t let her shortcomings or the hand she was dealt hold her back. For too long I’ve lamented what infertility took from me and felt justified in my outrage and hurt. But, by allowing myself to wallow in self-pity I was robbing myself even more. I was letting my shortcomings hold me back, not just from greatness but from my life in general. Instead of thinking about what infertility took from me (and trust me, that list is long!), I need to look at what infertility has given me. Against all odds and despite my crappy attitude (most of the time), I’ve been given a son. Our story is beautiful and I can certainly see the divine intervention along the way. If I had gotten the Christmas Miracle baby or any previous potential placements I would not have my son. If I had been able to produce a biological child I might be stuck in a miserable marriage with a narcissistic jerk and not have the amazing son who’s smile melts my heart. I don’t believe things happen for a reason, but I do believe it’s what we make of things that can change their outcome. I made myself a promise that if I didn’t get an adoption placement by the end of 2014 I would be done, I would stop trying to adopt and give up entirely on motherhood. Little did I know that in 2014 I would be placed with my son by the end of February, a newborn the end of June, and a little girl the beginning of August! I wish I could say I was able to remain positive and upbeat the whole time I was waiting, but I wasn’t I let the heartache break me. Still, like a phoenix, I rose out of the ashes each time determined to see it through to the bitter end.

 

I can’t promise I won’t ever fall back into the trap of feeling sorry for myself because infertility robbed me of a dream or that life just hit me upside the head for a few years. I’m sure I will still have days where I feel like that. My sincere hope is that I won’t wallow in those feelings allowing them to make me believe my life is ruined, but see them as an opportunity for personal growth because of the experience. It’s been a hard lesson to learn, that pain is often necessary for beauty, that sometimes the only way to get what we want is to suffer for it. I don’t think it is in our nature to advocate for pain and suffering, but it is sometimes a necessity in life. Adversity is often times the catalyst to change for a better tomorrow. That’s human nature, I think. So, what does my latest epiphany have to do with the new year? Well, my hope is that I will be able to build on this to see the change in myself that I want to see. I have a nasty little inner perfectionist that wants to dictate a litany of things I need to change about myself, but I won’t let her. I am choosing to concentrate on one major change and two smaller changes. The major change is my weight. It’s out of control right now and has been that way for too long. Yes, I want to look better in pictures for my sister’s wedding, but I also need to get serious about this for my own sake. And yes, I’ve said this before and yes, this has been a new year’s resolution for many years, but it needs to happen and I’m serious about that. And I have a plan. I’m joining a 21 day challenge group with my Beachbody coach (I really hate that name, but whatev) and I’m not stopping until I’ve reached my goal weight. The smaller changes are for me to be more organized, specifically with house cleaning. And I have a plan for that too with the Fly Lady (it’s a website). My final change is to yell at the kids less and that relates to the Orange Rhino website and should be interesting as I try to be more healthy by getting up to work out at 5 am.

 

And so there you have it! 2015 is drawing to a close and we will be spending the evening with Hermano (his foster father called last night to confirm the plans – geeze!) and we will usher in 2016 with hopes for a happy and healthy new year!

Package Deal

Monday I had my annual reevaluation for my foster care license. My family worker is changing again. I’m fine with that, not that I won’t miss my current family worker, but I know the new family worker and we get along fine, so it won’t be a big deal. We have also been assigned a new case worker. Her very first day on the job and the very first thing she did was attend Primero’s adoption. I’m glad she got a good first impression of us! Both Primero and I were startled when we saw her in the court room because her facial features match those of our previous case worker. She seems equally as nice so I’m hopeful it will be a good match. As much as I dislike educating a new worker, especially this late in the game, thus far she seems to be very eager and I hope her enthusiasm lasts. I spent a good deal of time talking to both CHOR case workers regarding Chica Marie and the struggles I have with her behaviors. The house inspection was brief and we passed easily. We had recently moved Love Bug’s crib into Primero’s room because Chica Marie turned 5 and those were the rules – siblings of a different gender could not be in the same room once one of them turned 5. Why 5 is a mystery to me, but who am I to question the rules? The move has been one no one is happy with, not me (especially not me because running downstairs for the baby is so inconvenient!), not Chica Marie (she actually liked sharing a room with her brother), not Primero, and although he has not voiced an opinion, I don’t think Love Bug likes it either. Right now he is in the pack-n-play in my room, but we’ll get to that. The family worker indicated there was something she wanted to say to me away from the little and not so little ears in the house. So, I “walked” her to her car. Really we just talked on the front porch. She said that no matter what I decided regarding Chica Marie, CHOR would support my decision. If I decided I could not adopt her because her behaviors were too overwhelming for me, they would understand and I shouldn’t think I would never get another foster-to-adopt placement because I would. Giving how negative I was in discussing her and her behaviors it shouldn’t have surprised me, but I was totally floored by this declaration of support for my decision. What decision? Didn’t I already decide? I’m lost! I stuttered something about her and Love Bug and that’s when the family worker said what I’ve suspected all along – Love Bug and Chica Marie are a package deal. I almost stopped breathing. Do I love Chica Marie? Yes, I do. Would I be heartbroken if she left? Yes, I would. But, the mere thought of Love Bug not being mine makes my stomach clench into knots and my heart stop beating. He’s my baby. They would have to pry him from my cold dead hands, there’s no way I would willingly give him up (unless, of course his mother was getting him back, and then I would probably die from grief). Up until my family worker made this comment, we were just skating along and I guess I was making a decision about Chica Marie by not making a decision. And now all of a sudden, I’m staring into the abyss with an impossible choice set before me, one I fear, that has no completely happy ending. Somehow I gathered my wits enough to ask about Esperanza. She has been staying with us a lot and I didn’t want to end up getting in trouble about it, so I mentioned to my family worker how I’ve been helping her, taking her to medical appointments and letting her stay with us. The family worker said she wanted me to get clearances for the girl and she then said she would feel better if Love Bug didn’t sleep in the same room as her and suggested I move him to my room for the time being. Thus, the pack-n-play in my room and the crib downstairs. Love Bug has not been sleeping well in the pack-n-play but I don’t want to move the crib until the family worker lets me know if he can be in my room on a more permanent basis (just what I want – the baby back in my room!).  In the meantime, I have some serious heart-checking to do about this whole adoption thing and I’m sure I’ll be writing about it again!

Baby Fever

I have a confession. I don’t know how or why it has happened, but I have some serious baby fever. I think it all started a few weeks ago when Esperanza and I were rearranging and purging some of the baby clothes I’ve collected since becoming a foster parent. Among the 4T and 5T items I was searching for to clothe Chica Marie, I found Love Bug’s baby clothes and some baby girl items that were gifted to me before I knew about Love Bug. I was oohing and ahh-ing over the baby girl clothes, exclaiming how cute they were and refusing to give them up for donation. Esperanza, in exasperation at my hoarding tendencies (but, in my defense, almost all of my foster kids came with NO clothes and so having these items helped me out in a pinch!), said, “You need a baby girl!” A few weeks after that we were shopping for clothing for Primero’s girlfriend’s baby for Christmas. I found a darling outfit and offered it as a suggestion to Primero. And, then I just could not stop. Esperanza and I were like kids in a candy store gushing over outfit after adorable baby girl outfit. And the baby fever crescendoed from a small barely-lit ember to a raging inferno. It’s surely just a phase, one I’m hoping will pass soon, but for the moment I keep thinking of tiny baby Love Bug and his itty bitty fingers and toes. Then, I force myself to remember the sleepless nights, the long colicky crying spells in feeble attempts to dampen the flames. I remember talking to a friend who had baby fever when her little girl was around Love Bug’s age and so I wonder if it has something to do with your baby suddenly (well, it felt sudden to me!) morphing into a toddler that sparks the flame? I don’t know, but for the time being I enjoy squealing in delight over baby clothing and reminiscing about tiny appendages.   

Making His Own Plans

I thought we had an understanding on the visits with Hermano, but I guess I was wrong. When we dropped him off Christmas night, Primero went with him to his room to help carry his gifts inside and I spoke with the foster mom in her kitchen. She mentioned Hermano would be in respite from Sunday until probably Wednesday because her husband was having surgery and they had to travel a distance to get there and would be staying over at least one night. When I mentioned New Year’s eve she cut me off and said they didn’t want Hermano making his own plans because they might have plans and so they would talk about it and get back to me. She also said she didn’t know anything about him visiting with his mom on Thursday and we didn’t speak about it any further. I asked her to let me know what they decide, so I know what I’m doing, but I was rather irritated at the exchange. Hermano had been trying to arrange it so that the agency that drives him to and from his visit with his mom could drop him off at my place, instead of his foster home. But, who knows what will happen now. I understand the need to concentrate on the foster father’s surgery, but wouldn’t it make it easier for them to have Hermano spend time away, since he’s going to respite anyway? Thus far, I haven’t hear anything about Hermano coming over and I don’t want to pester the case workers since they felt so confident we could work out these visits, but I’m afraid if I do nothing, then nothing will be done. I must try to remain patient!

A Merry Little Christmas

Life has been eventful lately. Last week I had scheduled to take off the day before Christmas Eve and Christmas Eve because the daycare was closed. Usually, the governor lets all non-essential state workers leave work a little early on Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve, you know, since we don’t get any Christmas bonus or anything like that. Since we have a new governor we were all in doubt over whether or not we would get the privilege extended this year. Especially since the budget was not settled. I was at the dentist when I got a text from my friend at work stating we were being left out at noon and our site administrator was willing to allow me to bring the kids to work, if I wanted to save a vacation day and come in for a few hours. This sounded like a pretty good idea, since my vacation days are generally gobbled up by things like IEP meetings, court sessions, and other kid-related meetings/issues. So, Christmas Eve morning I struggled to get the little ones and myself fed and dressed and out the door, without the assistance of Primero because God forbid he get out of bed to help on his first day of vacation. Don’t get me started. We made it to work on time and I brought along things like snacks, sippy cups full of beverages, color books, small toys, and whatnot. There were only a few people working that day and most of them were cool, if not excited, about having the kids there that morning. Chica Marie spent a lot of time running between my friend’s cubicle and my co-worker who was retiring that same day. She liked the attention and the candy, but she got bored and started acting up. Love Bug mostly just wanted to run around and explore. I managed to get some work done when he sat and ate a few pretzels, but mostly I spent my morning running around after him. It was the longest half day of work EVER!

 

After work on Christmas Eve, I went to pick up Hermano and drive home. We went grocery shopping very quickly and had the little ones take brief naps before heading up to the farm for Christmas Eve dinner. It was nice and everyone was on their best behavior. After my sister and her fiancé arrived, we had desert and not long after that we went home. Chica Marie needed a bath but Love Bug fell asleep, so he got one the next morning. I read the Christmas Story to Chica Marie and we put out a plate of cookies with some milk and she went to bed. The boys moved the presents under the tree while Esperanza ate the milk and cookies, leaving a portion of a cookie and some milk behind.

 

Christmas morning we opened our presents in our pajamas and then quickly dressed to get to the farm by 10 for brunch. We were late, of course. We always are! But, we still had a nice brunch and then opened presents together with my parents and sister and her fiancé. We stayed at the farm until around 2, then visited with my grandparents as we were leaving. According to my father, my grandfather had a stroke sometime before Christmas, but he refused to go to the hospital, so he was weak and trying to get his strength back. My grandparents will be leaving this week to ride to Florida with my aunt and uncle to visit my cousin. I don’t think this is a great idea for right now, but my opinion on the matter does not count. Sadly, when I told my grandfather that Primero was officially adopted his response was, “Why would you do that? Now all his problems are your problems, you know that?” Sigh. After leaving the farm we drove to Primero’s girlfriend’s house to give her and her daughter their Christmas gifts. I stayed in the car with Hermano, Esperanza, and the little ones while Primero visited with his girlfriend and her family. During our wait, Hermano took a call from his mother. Quick side note here, the day before Christmas Eve Esperanza told me her aunt asked if I would mind if their mom attended the Christmas celebration at their uncle’s house. I said it wasn’t my house and not my place to say, but as long as Esperanza was ok with it, I was fine. I asked Primero how I could act differently so I wouldn’t be thought of as stand-offish and his response was, “I don’t know, she’s being different, so just be you.” Not helpful. We found out Christmas morning that she would not be attending because she couldn’t get a ride into town from where she was. She posted on Facebook how upset she was about not being able to spend a few hours with her family. So, back to the phone call to Hermano. She asked him what he was doing and he mentioned he was with Esperanza, Primero and me and his mom got upset and they got into a fight. There was a lot of back and forth, things put on Facebook and even involving Hermano’s girlfriend by texting her. I think in the end, he worked it out with his mom, but at one point she threatened to cancel visits with Hermano and Esperanza declared “this” is why she won’t talk to her mom. Over the weekend her mom sent her a friend request on Facebook, but she ignored it. Their older brother’s girlfriend did tag their mom in a post of a picture of all of them and their mom thanked her for that, but to my knowledge, Esperanza and Primero never spoke to her on Christmas. I feel sad for her, I’m sure she did really want to be with her family on Christmas, I mean, who doesn’t? But, her not being there is directly related to some poor decisions she made for her life, so it is a misery of her making. What surprised me the most was the cavalier and rather flippant responses I was getting from Primero, since he has always been her stalwart and most loyal defender. When I asked him what he meant about her being different he shrugged and said he didn’t know, but I sensed that perhaps something more happened. But, we were enjoying our day and I didn’t want to put any more of a damper on our time than had already happened.

We stayed at Primero’s uncles house until it was time to take Hermano home. His girlfriend ended up showing up at his aunt and uncle’s place but it ended up being a good thing. She’s a nice girl and I think she is trying to do the right thing, but she does let herself be manipulated by Hermano quite a bit. Her plan is to move south to North Carolina in May and she hopes to have Hermano move with her once he turns 18 and has his high school diploma. Personally, I think Hermano has a lot more growing up to do before he moves so far away from his family, but I kept my thoughts to myself. The girlfriend is living on her and she seems to be doing well for herself, but she can’t support Hermano and herself while going to school in a totally new state. She did say she told Hermano he can’t move in with her unless he can prove to her he can hold down a job. Hermano did have an interview at McDonald’s but we’ll see if he can keep the job or if he gets fired when he decides not to show up for one of a thousand lame reasons I can hear him mention. I sound like I’m trying to put Hermano down, but I’m not, I’m just realistic in what he is capable of right now. He needs more stability and more time in one place before he goes running off on his own without the safety net of his family to support him. Hermano is a charmer and in that respect he can get himself both into and out of trouble, but that will only go so far in the adult world. He needs more life skills under the watchful eye of a parent or guardian before he leaves the nest. Twice, recently, Hermano asked me to adopt him once he turns 18. I told him adoption wasn’t a joke, but it was a very serious matter. He got mad at me when I told him I thought he was joking. I’m not really sure what to make of it, but my sincere hope is that he will stay with his foster family for a little while longer before signing himself out of foster care. And I hope he will use that time to truly contemplate his future and where he would like to see himself. I suppose only time will tell if Hermano will begin making better choices for his life or continue down a path of self-destruction like his mother.   

Cupcake Fiasco

After the visits with Hermano this past weekend, I wanted to be sure I understood where things stand for him in regards to spending time with us. It seems like he is allowed to visit as often as he likes and over-nights were approved for Christmas and New Year’s. It’s a little odd feeling to be working around this without CHOR, simply because I’ve never done that before. But, I felt like the baton was passed from our county case worker (who is still our case worker for the little ones) for me to interact solely with Hermano’s case worker and foster family with no intermediaries policing our side of things. It’s good to have everyone on the same page, especially regarding his girlfriend, because sometimes Hermano tries to get away with things he knows are not permitted. Like last year’s Christmas fiasco (here). Esperanza shared a rumor with me regarding Hermano’s girlfriend but swore me to secrecy. I hope it’s inaccurate information, but wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true. The county blames the girlfriend for Hermano running away over the summer, but I don’t think she’s to blame. I think it was more his mom than anything else. The girlfriend did make being on the run easier, since she has a car and would take him places, but I don’t think he ran for her. Hermano is a ladies man, but, just like a little butterfly flitting from flower to flower, he doesn’t take any relationship seriously. It’s sad, really. I was actually thinking this girlfriend was better than previous girls, but it seems like she’s cut from the same cloth, only she’s better at hiding her crazy.

 

Today is Chica Marie’s birthday. In my traditional over-extending myself fashion, I promised to make cupcakes for her to take to daycare. And of course, they had to be Frozen-themed cupcakes. I wanted to make chocolate and vanilla with fluffy blue cream cheese icing. But, we had a busy weekend and so things, like the dishes (a LOT of dishes) didn’t get cleaned up and so before I could make the kids dinner, I had to find the kitchen table and wash the dishes. Love Bug was in a particularly needy mood and spent the entire night whining, crying and clinging to my leg before he passed out on my bedroom floor around 7:30. Since I wasn’t busy enough, I decided to do laundry in addition to making dinner, washing dishes, cleaning up the weekend mess and preparing dinner for tonight. And, wasn’t I making cupcakes for some reason? Just as dinner is simmering and some dishes are drying, there was a knock at the front door that sent the dogs into a tizzy, which of course made Love Bug cry and Chica Marie dash around the house for inexplicable reasons. Oh good, the last minute Christmas gifts I ordered online arrived. We ate dinner and I washed some more dishes and put fabric softener in the second load of laundry, after putting away a basket of folded clothes and hiding the tantalizing boxes from Chica Marie. After Love Bug fell asleep I text Primero and asked if his friend could bring him home while I gave Chica Marie a bath and made sure the vanilla cupcakes didn’t burn to a crisp, while mixing the chocolate batter. Primero arrived home as I was getting Chica Marie out of the tub and putting the first chocolate cupcakes into the oven to bake. It was only after I took them out of the oven that I realized I forgot to add baking soda and so the chocolate cupcakes were more like fluffy fudge than anything resembling a cake. I tucked Chica Marie into bed, washed more dishes and began mixing the frosting, enlisting Primero as the mixer operator. I added more confectioners’ sugar, hoping the icing would get thicker and beat it some more until I added all the confectioners’ sugar I owned and still the icing was runny. I dumped it into a freezer bag and hoped it would thicken when chilled. No such luck. As Primero described it, it looked like Elsa “let it go” all over the cupcakes. The icing was blue, but it was not fluffy. Sigh. At least the cupcakes were tasty!   

Elsa Skating Party

Whew! I need a weekend to recuperate from my weekend! We were super-busy both Saturday and Sunday but it was really a good weekend. Saturday we had plans to run errands and finish Christmas shopping until Hermano contacted us about visiting. So, we included picking him up in the mix and had a great time bouncing around from store to store getting what we needed. We got home later in the day after dropping Esperanza off at her niece’s second birthday party and Hermano helped me make the burlap wreathes for some of my family members and his aunt. Hermano wanted to spend the night but his foster family wasn’t comfortable giving permission without first speaking to their agency and getting it cleared by them. So, we took him home that evening around 9 with plans to pick him up again on Sunday for Chica Marie’s birthday party. The Elsa skating party was to commence at 2 pm and we needed to pick up Mini Momma and the birthday cake before getting Hermano. We managed to gather everyone, grab some Frozen inspired balloons and get to the roller-skating rink just a few minutes after 2.

 

There were some minor bumps to the party, like Chica Marie initially refusing to skate and Hermano getting angry that the skates he had didn’t fit (and he tried several pairs), but all-in-all it was a success. I was very disappointed that none of Chica Marie’s friends from daycare showed up (and I was surprised her grandmother didn’t come – I thought for sure she would be there. I had a Christmas card and one for the pictures with them and Santa for her – I guess I’ll have to mail that now) and other than the 7 of us, only my two friends from work came with their daughters. Still, all who were there had fun and the 4 little girls learned to skate in one afternoon. The teenagers had a nice time skating together and taking selfies (yes, while skating). I managed to strap on a pair of skates and not kill myself – Hallelujah! The cake was good, the Elsa crowns and wands were a big hit, and Chica Marie received some lovely gifts. So, it was great in my book! I was exhausted by the time we were being ushered out the door so hockey practice could start, but I felt content knowing that Chica Marie had a memorable and happy birthday party.

 

We drove home after the party and I kept Mini Momma with us for a little longer than I told her foster mom. Her foster mom was frustrated with her because she went to church that morning and hadn’t come back home early enough to get ready, so the foster mom had to go fetch her (the church was just across the street from their house). Mini Momma said she was anxious to move out because her foster mom gets mad at her for no reason. I did my best to diffuse the situation and hope that Mini Momma had forgotten her anger by the time she went home. I was happy with how well she behaved during the party and after with her sister at home. It makes it easier for me to keep having her over for visits because they aren’t as stressful as they once were. Yay for progress!

 

We took Hermano home around 9 again last night with hopes he would be back for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I decided, since our county case worker gave me the email for Hermano’s case worker, I would email her regarding visits in general and Christmas specifically. It seems like the county is willing to give a lot more freedom to Hermano than the foster family has been willing to give. I can understand where they’re coming from – raising a teenager is HARD and raising a teenager in foster care makes it all the more challenging. Still, I’m glad it sounds like visits with us have been green-lighted and there shouldn’t be any issues. Hermano had asked about seeing his girlfriend for Christmas, so I asked about that too and it was nixed. Despite what Hermano relayed to us about visiting with his girlfriend, it seems like the county is opposed to him seeing her at this time due to her being one of the reasons he ran away from his previous foster home over the summer. I don’t know that she was the reason, but she certainly facilitated the running by taking him with her to a different town in a different county. There was also some rift/trust issue with Hermano seeing the girlfriend when he wasn’t supposed to and not telling his foster family. Regardless, I gullibly believed Hermano and agreed for him to see his girlfriend at some point during Christmas and now I have to undo that because Hermano mislead me and I believed him without first checking with the powers that be. Sigh. I love this kid but sometimes his antics give me a run for the money!

 

Sunday night, after the party, my house was full to the brim with kids and noise and clutter. The baby had a massive blow-out poopy mess which required an immediate bath, which Esperanza helped me with; Mini Momma was playing with Chica Marie and undid her new Elsa dolls hair resulting in Primero taking the doll away from them. Hermano was watching football and yelling at the oblivious players and scaring the dogs who yipped in protest. The girls pulled the toy bins apart and swapped baby dolls, as they’re prone to do, and Love Bug learned to climb onto the chair and then the kitchen table. When Esperanza found him and asked him what he was doing he said, “All done!” and clapped for himself and his latest achievement. Primero played loud music on his Bluetooth speaker and sang along just as loudly, while Esperanza and Hermano decided to give the cats catnip. After we took Mini Momma home, Primero and Esperanza decided to wrap Christmas gifts, which of course Chica Marie couldn’t see, so they sequestered themselves in my bedroom leaving me and Hermano in the living room with the little ones. I decided to make the last burlap wreath with the help of Hermano and Love Bug snuggling on my knee. At some points I found the chaos a little overwhelming but when I realized that the noise was happy noise and the mess was a joyful mess and that the kids were getting to spend time with their siblings, I embraced the pandemonium and, in the words of Timon and Pumbaa, said “Hakuna matata!” No worries!