Complex duality

     (Before I start on my actual post, I want to apply to Amy's comment on the last post. I don't know what the flip is wrong that I cannot comment on my own dam blog, but apparently I am not tech savvy enough to figure it out. This might have contributed to my delinquency in posting - that and the lack of anything happening. So to Amy: "It occurred to me, after reading your comment, Amy, that I was thinking of adopting and having a biological child as mutually exclusive. I guess, it just seems foolish to be trying to have a baby by two different means. I know that some of the adoption agencies would not accept a couple who are still trying to get pregnant through infertility options. But, I think, ultimately this is what we have decided to do.")

     So, Flaco and I spoke. Flaco, in his simple man terms said, "It's ok if we adopt and then get pregnant with a baby." So, it appears I will be getting our records from the infertility clinic and handing them over to Dr. F. where my mom works. Then, we will start this game all over again.
     I think, I am willing to give this another go because I feel so let-down by the process up until this point. Although we gave up on infertility treatments, not long after first seeing the infertility specialist, I never felt like we had tried all that we could to get pregnant. My mom and I had a very long discussion about this on Monday. She didn't understand why my gyno didn't start with the hsg to see if my tubes were open. She said, if my tubes were opened (as the doctor indicated) during this procedure, then it's like we have only been trying since April. There was really no point in having me take Clomid and ovulate, if the the portal to the uterus was closed. And she also didn't understand why the infertility specialist didn't have us do a post coital test (bump nasties and then run to the doctor's office to check the progress of the little swimmers in the cervical mucus - yes, this does sound just like a day at the spa). I feel cautiously optimistic. I don't want to get my hopes up, but if I had absolutely no hope then there would be no point in seeing yet another doctor.
     So, it feels weird to be in the process of adopting while also attempting to get pregnant. I guess I do think of these things as mutually exclusive, mostly because the end results could be two babies at the same time - like having twins! But, I am adjusting to this idea and there is no certainty in any step we take. I am trusting in God to make our perfect family (something I should have been doing all along, but I spent a lot of time being very angry with God for "putting" us through this infertility debacle) - who knows, perhaps God's perfect plan was for us to be doubly blessed?
     Saturday is our second adoption class. We spent most of Monday preparing the room we call our office for the baby. We still have a long way to go. We have no baby furniture and the room is still full of our stuff. Flaco and I have not decided what we will do with these things, but I am sure we will figure it out. At least, we purged some things and organized everything else. So, onward!