“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it is yours forever. If it doesn’t, it was never meant to be.”
I can’t remember how much I wrote about losing one of our dogs – well, not losing. Flaco made me give him up. The dog, a white Siberian Husky named Toby, whom I fondly call Monster, is back home with us again. The end of July, beginning of August, after yet another fight with Flaco about the dog, I got pissed off and posted him on Craig’s List as “free to a good home” to prove to Flaco that no one would want a 3 year old dog (and I received a million emails about how I should not have done this because that is how animal hoarders get most of their animals or how people find “feeder” dogs for dog fighting). Toby is a beautiful dog – pure white (unless it has recently rained because he likes to play in the mud) with light blue eyes. I posted a picture of him and I received a lot of phone calls and emails. Toby is very friendly and loving (and huskies are generally more stand-offish). I didn’t want to give him up, but a couple contacted me, provided a referral (they got two huskies from this other woman) and even came to pick him up with their other two dogs. They seemed like a really nice couple. I cried my eyes out for days after Toby left. Even though he was a pain in the arse with his trash-eating, door handle jingling, paper towel shredding, sock burying, underwear chewing, need for constant attention ways – he was still a part of the family. I got some up-dates on Toby and by all reports he was doing well.
Then, out of the blue, last week I got a message on Facebook from the wife.
"Hi I'm the one who has Toby. I was just checking with you to see if you could take him back for a little til someone else could keep him. My husband git into trouble with the law last week is standing trial out of state. I am 15 weeks pregnant and he took all our money so I am going back to my parent who live overseas (they live in Turkey) to have the baby. I'm very sad to leave the dogs but I don't have another choice. I just wanted to check with you if you could take him I am looking everywhere for homes for my babies. It's just hard to rehome 3 siberian huskies in a week or so."
Seriously?! Is this for real? What could I say? No, I can’t take him back. So, I went to get him last Friday. Flaco is furious. He told me I could put another add on Craig’s List to get rid of the dog again. But, I was so happy to see Toby again!! And it felt so right for him to be home. Like a missing puzzle piece was finally back in place. Jackson (he’s one of the cats and Toby’s bff) was so happy to have his buddy back, he laid next to him and licked his ears. Even princess Canela (she is the dog I brought back from Nicaragua) was happy to see Monster again. But, Flaco warned that this was going to cause problems between us again because he hates the hair that Toby sheds. And he complains that our house is too small for two dogs and two cats.
This past weekend I went up to the farm to make cookies (we are a little crazy with our cookie making – we make at least 12 different kinds!) and my mom (who noticed my post of Toby’s return on Facebook) asked me what we were going to do with the dog. I explained how Flaco wants him gone again and how I am so happy to have him back. My mom and sister believe it would be best to have Toby find another new home because it might be too much for the baby we are hopefully getting soon. They worry about hair and dander (and I wonder if they doubt my housekeeping skills) in our small home. But, in my heart, I know that Toby deserves better than being bounced around just because he sheds a lot (and he does! Like pounds of hair every Fall and every Spring). And Monster loves kids! I worry more about Canela with small children because she gets scared and can be a little snippy (she is a smaller dog – about 30 pounds). I don’t know, I feel like the family is all back together again and I would hate to have to go through this all again. So, the quote above this post, is kind of how I feel about Toby. Maybe I will change my mind when he is shedding again (although a friend of mine suggested Omega 3 tablets to help with the shedding – she said it really works with her dogs).
We got our official letter of approval from CHOR on Saturday. The waiting has officially begun. I hate waiting. I am not a very patient wait-er. And, we are on the eve of our 3 year anniversary of when we began trying to start a family, so I think that makes the waiting even harder. We have been waiting for three years!!! In this amount of time, 16 babies have been born to friends/acquaintances!!!! SIXTEEN!!!!! And I know four pregnant women right now. It’s crazy! It’s actually kind of depressing to look at these numbers. Very soon, 20 children will have been born into this world and not a one has been born to me and Flaco. I know of one friend who is dealing with infertility right now. So, 20 out of 22 couples have been able to conceive and deliver babies (which I guess is actually pretty good odds, since one in six couples have infertility issues, as the national average). I must be careful that the old bitterness doesn’t creep back in.
I have been dreaming and day-dreaming about “our” baby. At random times throughout the day, I will think to myself how whatever I am doing at the time might change once we have a baby. I envision holding my baby at church, and what that might be like. I think about looking in my rearview mirror to see if the baby has fallen asleep on the drive home. I was thinking last night as I was drifting off to sleep that we will need to get a baby monitor because I will never sleep if I am worried I will not hear the baby cry. I was thinking that the “baby’s” room is so far from our bedroom (our house is tiny, but the baby’s room is the farthest room from our bedroom) and how I might just want the baby to sleep in our room until I feel more settled as a new mom. I think about what kinds of foods I will need to buy for the baby (if he or she is a little older like 2 or 3). When we were baking cookies, I thought about holding a baby on my lap as I decorated the cut-outs. Probably 23 of the 24 hours in a day I am thinking about “our” baby. I might be just a tad-bit obsessed. But, it is hard to not think about it. And I have modified my thoughts from including pregnancy and telling people about my pregnancy, to just simply having a baby plopped in my arms. But, I still think a lot about a baby and how our lives will change. I am anxious for the baby to be here, but I might need to wait for a long time. So, I try to put all my thoughts out into the future. I pray every day that God will guide our baby to us – the baby He means for us to have.
I can’t remember how much I wrote about losing one of our dogs – well, not losing. Flaco made me give him up. The dog, a white Siberian Husky named Toby, whom I fondly call Monster, is back home with us again. The end of July, beginning of August, after yet another fight with Flaco about the dog, I got pissed off and posted him on Craig’s List as “free to a good home” to prove to Flaco that no one would want a 3 year old dog (and I received a million emails about how I should not have done this because that is how animal hoarders get most of their animals or how people find “feeder” dogs for dog fighting). Toby is a beautiful dog – pure white (unless it has recently rained because he likes to play in the mud) with light blue eyes. I posted a picture of him and I received a lot of phone calls and emails. Toby is very friendly and loving (and huskies are generally more stand-offish). I didn’t want to give him up, but a couple contacted me, provided a referral (they got two huskies from this other woman) and even came to pick him up with their other two dogs. They seemed like a really nice couple. I cried my eyes out for days after Toby left. Even though he was a pain in the arse with his trash-eating, door handle jingling, paper towel shredding, sock burying, underwear chewing, need for constant attention ways – he was still a part of the family. I got some up-dates on Toby and by all reports he was doing well.
Then, out of the blue, last week I got a message on Facebook from the wife.
"Hi I'm the one who has Toby. I was just checking with you to see if you could take him back for a little til someone else could keep him. My husband git into trouble with the law last week is standing trial out of state. I am 15 weeks pregnant and he took all our money so I am going back to my parent who live overseas (they live in Turkey) to have the baby. I'm very sad to leave the dogs but I don't have another choice. I just wanted to check with you if you could take him I am looking everywhere for homes for my babies. It's just hard to rehome 3 siberian huskies in a week or so."
Seriously?! Is this for real? What could I say? No, I can’t take him back. So, I went to get him last Friday. Flaco is furious. He told me I could put another add on Craig’s List to get rid of the dog again. But, I was so happy to see Toby again!! And it felt so right for him to be home. Like a missing puzzle piece was finally back in place. Jackson (he’s one of the cats and Toby’s bff) was so happy to have his buddy back, he laid next to him and licked his ears. Even princess Canela (she is the dog I brought back from Nicaragua) was happy to see Monster again. But, Flaco warned that this was going to cause problems between us again because he hates the hair that Toby sheds. And he complains that our house is too small for two dogs and two cats.
This past weekend I went up to the farm to make cookies (we are a little crazy with our cookie making – we make at least 12 different kinds!) and my mom (who noticed my post of Toby’s return on Facebook) asked me what we were going to do with the dog. I explained how Flaco wants him gone again and how I am so happy to have him back. My mom and sister believe it would be best to have Toby find another new home because it might be too much for the baby we are hopefully getting soon. They worry about hair and dander (and I wonder if they doubt my housekeeping skills) in our small home. But, in my heart, I know that Toby deserves better than being bounced around just because he sheds a lot (and he does! Like pounds of hair every Fall and every Spring). And Monster loves kids! I worry more about Canela with small children because she gets scared and can be a little snippy (she is a smaller dog – about 30 pounds). I don’t know, I feel like the family is all back together again and I would hate to have to go through this all again. So, the quote above this post, is kind of how I feel about Toby. Maybe I will change my mind when he is shedding again (although a friend of mine suggested Omega 3 tablets to help with the shedding – she said it really works with her dogs).
We got our official letter of approval from CHOR on Saturday. The waiting has officially begun. I hate waiting. I am not a very patient wait-er. And, we are on the eve of our 3 year anniversary of when we began trying to start a family, so I think that makes the waiting even harder. We have been waiting for three years!!! In this amount of time, 16 babies have been born to friends/acquaintances!!!! SIXTEEN!!!!! And I know four pregnant women right now. It’s crazy! It’s actually kind of depressing to look at these numbers. Very soon, 20 children will have been born into this world and not a one has been born to me and Flaco. I know of one friend who is dealing with infertility right now. So, 20 out of 22 couples have been able to conceive and deliver babies (which I guess is actually pretty good odds, since one in six couples have infertility issues, as the national average). I must be careful that the old bitterness doesn’t creep back in.
I have been dreaming and day-dreaming about “our” baby. At random times throughout the day, I will think to myself how whatever I am doing at the time might change once we have a baby. I envision holding my baby at church, and what that might be like. I think about looking in my rearview mirror to see if the baby has fallen asleep on the drive home. I was thinking last night as I was drifting off to sleep that we will need to get a baby monitor because I will never sleep if I am worried I will not hear the baby cry. I was thinking that the “baby’s” room is so far from our bedroom (our house is tiny, but the baby’s room is the farthest room from our bedroom) and how I might just want the baby to sleep in our room until I feel more settled as a new mom. I think about what kinds of foods I will need to buy for the baby (if he or she is a little older like 2 or 3). When we were baking cookies, I thought about holding a baby on my lap as I decorated the cut-outs. Probably 23 of the 24 hours in a day I am thinking about “our” baby. I might be just a tad-bit obsessed. But, it is hard to not think about it. And I have modified my thoughts from including pregnancy and telling people about my pregnancy, to just simply having a baby plopped in my arms. But, I still think a lot about a baby and how our lives will change. I am anxious for the baby to be here, but I might need to wait for a long time. So, I try to put all my thoughts out into the future. I pray every day that God will guide our baby to us – the baby He means for us to have.
I think it's completely normal to dream/daydream about your future baby. Who wouldn't in your situation? When you've waited so long for something, it's hard not to think about it.
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