Stamp of Approval

     It is official! As of 12/06/2011, we are approved to adopt a baby from the Children’s Home of Reading!     We will even be getting a certification in the mail! Consuelo came to our house around lunch to make sure we made the necessary changes (the new child proof locks are craptastic, but if they fail, we still have the old ones in place) and I gave her the final paperwork (minus our photos because they didn’t come in the mail yet today). Now we wait. Consuelo indicated we might be waiting a long time, which makes me sad, but it surely won’t be longer than the three years we have already been waiting. . . . . Flaco voiced some concerns about getting a child of a race/skin color different from us because the child’s friends might make fun of him/her. Consuelo told him not to worry about it because it doesn’t matter, children pick on other kids for any and all reasons and as long as we love our child, it doesn’t matter. I told him he just needs to have faith in God that He will send us the child that is meant to be ours. I think Flaco is just freaking out because THIS IS IT, we are approved and any day now we could have a baby in our home. To be honest, I’m even a little rattled. . . . . 
     But, there are other side stories brewing behind the scenes. The day that Consuelo called us about the 18 month old baby boy, I was so excited I just had to call my mom and tell her about it. We had a brief conversation because we were both still at work and then we chatted later that night. She told me she had been talking to a different doctor where she works, to see if he would be willing to see me because she didn’t feel Dr. F did a good enough job. He just pawned me off to a different infertility doctor, whom I never saw due to the cost of a simple consultation. I told her I would be amendable, but I was not going to see another doctor, just to have him tell me “take the metformin, loose some weight, and try IVF.” She said she would be sure to express this to the “new” doctor, Dr. E (these are the real initials of their last names, in case anyone thought I was just trying to go through the alphabet ;). While I have moved on to accept the reality of adoption rather than biological children, my mother has not – she still hopes for a biological grandchild. I find balancing her hopes and fears with my own somewhat exasperating, but I try not to delve too much into the psychology of it all. Suffice it to say, that much like other diseases and ailments, infertility affects so many in our lives. Another side story is the possibility of getting into an  infertility study.
     A few weeks ago (or maybe more like a month or two) my mom had given me the name of a person at the Hershey Medical Hospital who was conducting an infertility study. The daughter of a nurse my mom used to work with got into this study and my mom thought it was worth me giving it a try. Unfortunately, I miss-placed the number. But, right before Thanksgiving I found it again and called. The woman’s voice message stated that there was a high volume of calls and messages, but she would eventually return them all. She called me the next day and left a message on my cell phone. After playing phone tag, I finally spoke with her last Monday. There were two studies she was screening for – one for women with PCOS, but I couldn’t be taking Metformin and would need 2 months for it to “wash out” of my system and by that point they would no longer be taking new participants. So, I was ineligible. The second study was for unexplained infertility and I could not have an official PCOS diagnosis (which I guess I have). Again, ineligible. So, she said she would pass my name and number along to a co-worker who was screening for a PCOS study and there would be enough time for me to “wash out” of the Metformin and get into the study however, I get a period every month and would need to prove (?) that I don’t ovulate to get into the program. I spoke with Patsy, who heads up this study, last Wednesday. I stopped taking the Metformin that very day and I need to call her in January when I get my period so she can test my hormones to make sure I didn’t ovulate. Then, there will be some other preliminary tests done on me and Flaco and we could be in the study. This study is specifically for women with PCOS. Apparently, they are testing some new ways that doctors can work with women, using Clomid to induce ovulation, to help them get pregnant. There are three possibilities 1) I will be told to just lose weight and be in a rigorous weight loss program (goodie), 2) I will be encouraged to lose weight, will be put on the birth control pill for a short time (I am not sure why and didn’t get a chance to ask) then be given Clomid, or 3) I will be given just Clomid. I could be in the study up to 18 months, depending on how things go. Hey, if getting pregnant becomes a by-product for helping future women with PCOS get pregnant, I see it as a win-win-win! But, first I have to officially accepted into the study. This will happen no sooner than January 2012. 
     Yesterday, Flaco and I went to NYC to renew Flaco’s Nicaraguan passport – this did not happen, but we do have all the information we need to get him a new one (because they don’t renew passports? Neither of us understands, but whatev). We drove to a friends house Sunday night (we got there around 2 am – it’s just about a three hour drive and we left after Flaco came home from work and took a shower) and went into the city during the day. My friend and fellow blogger, has a 2 year old son (just as precious as can be) but she is dealing with secondary infertility (which is mind boggling to me – if it worked one time, why doesn’t it work more than once? Biology is messed up!). Well, this little guy took a liking to Flaco almost right away. Me, eh just some lady that calls me dude. But, Flaco, he’s totally toddler cool. When getting a tour of the house in the morning, my friends baby took Flaco’s hand like it was just the most natural thing to do. Later, when we were out to dinner, the little guy let Flaco lift him across the table to sit between us for a picture. And when we were saying good-bye, he ran to Flaco for a big hearty good-bye hug (he needed to be coaxed and cajoled to give me a hug, sniff sniff). It made my heart so glad and happy to see my husband with this sweet little boy. I have always known that Flaco will be an awesome dad, but I haven’t had the pleasure of seeing him in action. Flaco makes it seem effortless. Is it because he is the oldest of 5 and helped to raise his younger siblings? Perhaps. But, I think it is also just who he is. My Flaco, the world’s number one dad. I am crying now. I feel guilty for impeding Flaco’s ability to be a great dad. I hate infertility. But, I know this will be over soon – right? Soon, we will get a call and our baby will be running to Flaco’s arms every night he comes home from work for a big hearty hug.