Frankenstorm

Well, I survived the Frankenstorm with very minimal damage. And I am thankful and grateful because there are many, many people up and down the East Coast who cannot say the same thing. So many homes and businesses in New York, New Jersey, Delaware and beyond have been utterly destroyed. I’m missing some shingles from my roof, the gate on my backyard fence, and I lost electric for a little over a day. Lying in my bed Monday night, listening to the howling winds tearing at the homes on my block, I could not imagine my house would emerge unscathed. But, it did. My parents are out of power and they heard a lot of trees toppling in the woods around them, but they too sustained minimal damage. My dad’s greatest worry was his corn, but he got nearly all of it picked before the storm. I think he lost some soybeans, but it was not as devastating as last year’s freak Halloween snow storm. As my house chilled without the benefit of the electric heaters, I was even thankful that I didn’t have a little person to worry about during the chaos. As is our usual nightly routine, Canela slept alongside my bed and the cats curled up at my feet on the bed. At one point, Jackson sought comfort from the noise of the 50 + mph wind gusts by crawling under the covers with me. I have never in my life heard wind like I did Monday night and I hope I never will again.

Prior to the destructive superstorm Sandy, I made preparations of a different sort. Yes, I was cognizant of what the media was telling me to buy to shore-up for the storm – batteries and water, a generator and battery-powered radio – but I was making purchases to prepare for a child. A few weeks ago, I bought a bunch of cloth diapers on Ebay. I found a used car seat on Craigslist for a bigger child (it is a booster seat with a detachable back). But, on Sunday, while other shoppers were clearing the shelves of bottled water, bread and milk, I bought a crib mattress and a convertible car seat at Walmart. I had gotten two calls last week for placements and I found it bothersome that I was not 100% prepared. I had forgotten that the crib mattress I had from before was borrowed from a friend who needed the mattress to be returned. And the car seat from before was borrowed from CHOR and also returned. Unfortunately, Walmart only had a purple car seat in stock (for display they had one in gray neutral colors). Now, I am ready! Really, really ready! Sure, the crib is still in pieces in my basement (which did not flood during the storm, thank God), but that is no big deal and can be easily assembled by my father – ok, semi-easily. I was measuring the furniture and room last night to see if I can make the current twin-size bed, the crib, and a dresser fit in some configuration that also allows me access to the closet. I will need to remove my bookshelf to make that happen, but I think it is do-able, although squishy. Two of the four placement calls I have gotten were for two siblings, so that is why I am thinking of having both options available. One placement, I am still semi-waiting to hear the final decision (the decision was supposed to be reached early this week, but due to the storm and so many people being out of the office, I will wait until Friday to call for an up-date), is for a potential legal-risk 18 month old baby. Legal-risk is a term that means the case might be moving in the direction of a potential adoption and so the foster care system would like the baby to be in a home that is considering adoption. This might seem like a small thing, but it is monumental to me. When I decided to continue with foster care, I told my family worker I would be just a foster mom for awhile. I was not opposed to a legal risk or adoption placement, but I felt too raw after everything that had happened. Recently, I had written an email to my family worker to advise her that I wanted to be considered for legal risk and adoption placements, but I never sent it. Something held me back. Yet, I was so happy to hear that CHOR was considering me for a potential legal-risk case! Although I still haven’t heard anything, I am not too hopeful for this particular placement because it is a case from Berks County, but also because the caseworker who called me mentioned the county is most likely looking for a 2 parent household for the child. In any event, it was a good thing for me to know that I am still in the running to potentially adopt a baby! I think this might have been what spurred me into the purchases, but I was so happy when I was trying to load the car seat and mattress into the back of my car. I thought of the possibilities and the sheer joy that seemed so tangible for the first time in many months. Right now I am driving around with two empty car seats in the back of my car, but rather than see the empty, I see the possibility of a car seat full of a precious little one that I could someday call my son or daughter. I am nearly trembling with excitement just thinking about it! When I shared the news of a potential legal-risk placement with my parents, I thought they might have some reservations or ask if I am really ready. But, they too seemed content just knowing this was a possibility, that what happened with my first placement did not forever jeopardize my ability to adopt. I think my parents are as anxious to spend the up-coming holidays with a baby as I am! My mom even started talking about me spending the night at their place Christmas Eve (since I will already be at the farm for dinner with my grandparents) and how she will rearrange my old bedroom to accommodate the pack-n-play for the baby, etc. I do hope to have a placement soon, and if the amount of calls are any indication, I think it will happen sooner, rather than later. It isn’t easy, to get the calls and get excited, only to have the placement go to another family. But, I just keep reminding myself that God has a baby in mind for me and He will be sure that child finds his or her way into my home. Sometimes, on bad days, I doubt that God even wants me to be a mother. After Flaco left and they took the baby, I prayed that God would squelch the desire inside me to be a mother. The pain was too great, I prayed He would close my heart to children. But, He didn’t. He made it possible for me to continue as a foster mother. He placed a child with me, to teach me how that it is not easy but I can do it alone. And the desire to be a mother has not waned, not one bit. So, if that is the case, then He must have a plan that includes a child in my life. Still, when naysayers try to convince me to be more conventional and embrace the single life, little nibbles of doubt make me feel like, “They will never give me a baby, I’m just a single woman and there are many child-less couples out there….” But, I remind myself that God has a plan for my life – a good plan. I have endured some pretty nasty things this past year and now it is time for joy overflowing and abundant happiness. The tides have turned! All the yucky things have washed away and only good things are flowing in! Hallelujah!