Yaoi

The kid was supposed to have a visit with his mom and brother yesterday after school. A CHOR worker picked him up at the house and they were going to visit until the training starts at 6, then he and I would go home after training. I worried about him getting dinner, so we bought some hot pockets and a bag of chips for him. I set everything out on the table for him (minus the hot pockets) with a banana, an orange, and a bag full of the various banana breads we baked over the weekend for him to share with his mom and brother. I had it on top of a bag with a note reminding him to get the hot pockets and some change to get a drink from the vending machine. He called me just as I was about ready to leave work. He was home. The CHOR worker came to pick him up and take him back to my house because his mom cancelled last minute. We so believed she would show today. She sent him a message on Facebook that she would see him at the visit. I know he was bummed. When I said I was sorry he told me it was alright but I know better. It’s not alright for your mom to cancel three visits in a row. My heart breaks for him. It’s hard with the little ones because they are confused and they get agitated after a visit, but the older kids know the score. He knows his mom not visiting with him is not a good sign. You would think court right around the corner would be impetus enough to keep her minding all her p’s and q’s. But, I guess not. I wish I could make it better for him, to wipe away all the pain and hurt. But, I cannot. I know he hurts more than he lets on with his flippant “it’s ok.” I just wish he didn’t have to go through it at all.

 

Last night at training the adult class was learning about sexual acting out while the teenage group was listening to a speaker talk about LBGTQA issues. When we got back to the car together the kid was so worked up about this topic. It’s a sore issue for him, I know. He told me once he has been called gay since kindergarten. One definitely wouldn’t describe him as overtly masculine, but if he says he’s straight, he’s straight. Yet, he likes this anime called Yaoi which is guy on guy and he talks about older guys being cute or hot more than he talks about girls being pretty or hot. He would rather look at a picture of a boy shirtless than a girl shirtless. I peg him as being a Q or perhaps a B on the list of acronyms (questioning or bisexual). He’s made other comments to me about his preferences but adamantly declares he is heterosexual. None of this is a problem, other than when he gets in fights at school because someone called him gay. But, it does force me to come to terms with my own doubts and issues regarding homosexuality. I don’t talk about it for fear of reprisal, but I am uncomfortable with homosexuality from a moral and religious stand-point. I don’t say this to pass judgment on anyone and I don’t dislike people who are LBGTQA, quite the opposite in fact. I feel like the human part of me relates to humans, regardless of sexual orientation and so I like or get along with someone because we have things in common or they are a nice person. But, the moral and religious side of me believes that men with men and women with women is sin, just like a man and woman living together or sleeping together before marriage is sin. I have never expressed this conflict to the kid nor do I plan to. If he is indeed bisexual or gay he doesn’t need to worry about my conflicts over it. I know religious people say they hate the sin but love the sinner but I always found that it next to never happened in real life, at least not in a group setting. Still, whatever team this kid decides to play for, I don’t think I could love him any less.