Village Wanted, Apply Within

One of the things I determined were important for 2019 (one could call it a resolution) was reading more. Once upon a time, many moons ago when I was a child, I had been a voracious and avid reader. A little book mobile would come to our tiny rural town once a week and by the time I was in fifth grade I had read nearly all of the age-appropriate books and we started going to the library in town. You would have been hard-pressed to find younger me sans book within reach. One year for Christmas someone gifted me a book light, the kind that clips on the book and illuminates the text from above, and my mom, exasperated at my nighttime reading, had to barge into my room and confiscate the light to stop me from reading my books. I read less for pleasure in college but resumed my insatiable reading when I was in the Peace Corps. Reading for pleasure was not common in rural Nicaragua and I was branded as odd, but I did manage to read all but the last few Harry Potter books swinging from a hammock in the shade of my front porch. Sadly, when I began a real grown-up, with a house and a spouse and a full-time job, I my reading began to dwindle. When kids came into my life, my reading stopped entirely. I didn’t think I had time. Well, let me tell you, when you look for it you can find the time to do something important to you. Last year I didn’t read a single book for pleasure and only about 3 books related to adoption or child-rearing. Since the start of the new year I have read six books! And, three of those books were well over 400 pages (I read the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series).

 

One of the catalysts to my decision to find a way to return to my former love of reading was a post a friend made on Facebook. She offered to gift a book (new or used) to anyone who would post the same offer on their Facebook page as a way to promote reading this year. I responded that I wanted to make an effort to read more this year and this past weekend my friend brought me a book. And a dozen eggs from her hens, but let’s focus on the book. She had gotten me a signed copy from a bookstore in a neighboring county, by an author local to the area where I attended college. I finished “The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest” and dove into “Sensitivity Girl” by LuAnn Billett. The book was about a woman who described herself as sensitive and explained how she became to view what she thought was weakness as a super power.

 

The book was good, a quick read after the voluminous Stieg Larsson novels, but there is one thing that has stuck with me since I finished the book on our snow day Wednesday. One of the traumatic things that happened to the author was her husband died just a few months after their triplets were born. She was left with three infants to raise by herself while also dealing with the emotional shock and devastation of losing her husband. But, she was not alone. Her village, her support network quickly swooped in to help her not just in the weeks and months after the tragedy but for YEARS afterwards. Her family, her friends and acquaintances from her neighbor cocooned her in much needed adult help and support. I wept as I read the book. Of course people come to help when there is a crisis, but to have her help stick around for years and continue to support her and help and love her, where do you find that? I have lamented before how I could really use a stronger support network but I have no clue how to find such a thing. Is it me? Do I not ask for help the right way? Do I look like I can do it all and keep it all going on my own? Who would really be there for me should some event make it hard or impossible for me to keep doing it all alone? Even something relatively simple, like a broken leg or major surgery, who would be there to help get the kids to school and keep the house clean? I honestly do not know. I am jealous of her supportive village. The book has left me feeling even more alone than I felt before.

 

Case in point: yesterday there was a two hour delay for school. I have only two valid options to get Chica Marie to school when there is a delay for her but not for my work. Option A is I take her to daycare and then take an early lunch to take her to school  at the later start date. But, this would not work on Thursday because we had a very busy orientation and I would not be able to leave work until after 11, an hour after she needed to be in school. So, my second option is to have Primero walk her to school and then walk himself to school a few minutes late (because they start school at the same time). This is the option I chose for Thursday. Just before lunch I received a notification that Primero was not in school. I text him and he didn’t deny it, stating he stayed home because all of his uniforms were dirty. Washing them during the snow day the day before was not, apparently, a thought to him. This lead to a van ban and angry Primero and well, I will save that mess for another post. But, if I had a village, if there were some other two hour delay option, it would take some of the pressure off of me and Primero. Until then, I can only do what I can do.