I am working from home all week this week due to someone in our office needing to get tested for Covid-19. It is a precaution but they are also sanitizing our work space, so we cannot be there. Love Bug has been struggling at daycare, so his therapist and I decided to keep him home with me to cut down on his anxiety. I don't know if it is the best decision, but it does preserve his ability to attend daycare. I have such high anxiety about him being asked to leave, like he was last year this time. I feel the pressure of trying to find something else for him and it is frightening. Fortunately, I can keep him home with me right now. And, if need be, I can send him to daycare just a few days a week when I have to be in the office. But, for how long? I know there's a lot of talk about the "new normal" but not knowing how long this new reality might last also makes me anxious. I am trying to just be here, now, in the present and not borrowing worries from the future that might never come to pass. Quarantine has been a personal journey for me and I am coming to understand how my perfectionism has caused a great deal of personal anxiety and anguish. And this anxiety seeps into much of my life in ways I hadn't recognized before. Internally, I fight with myself about getting on the ball and starting a special needs daycare, as I have been talking about doing for nearly a year now. But, on the other hand, I don't have so many of the necessary things, like capital or specific education. So, I have to deal with what is, and that is our current daycare who cannot or will not handle my Love Bug. The next school year is still up in the air, so I don't know how heavily I will need to rely on them going forward. Maybe the new normal will stick around long enough for me to figure out a different option for my kiddo.
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