Another Potential Placement

I got a call first thing Thursday morning from the adoption coordinator at CHOR. She wanted to let me know that earlier last week she had gotten an email referral for a 2 year old and 3 year old boy and girl (not sure which is which) seeking a pre-adoptive home placement. They are from another county and are healthy but have some developmental delays. She was calling to let me know that she had already forwarded along my home study. She also mentioned seeing an email from an agency interested in two of the adoptive families with CHOR – she wasn’t sure if I was one of those families and was not in the office for the rest of the week. She mentioned having spoken to my family worker – apparently word gets around – and understood I was feeling frustrated and hopeless. I guess this was supposed to bolster my feelings. I’m fine with CHOR having forwarded my information to another county, but I would almost rather not know anything until something is happening. I wouldn’t say that my hopes are up about this potential placement (I know better than that), but it does give me something to wonder about, something to feel bad about if I am not chosen yet again. It’s also a complication due to my current situation. My friend and fellow adoptive mother said, “this is why you should put in your 30 days notice” when I told her about the potential placement. She sees my current placement as a black hole sucking all potential placements away. It is an impediment to my goal, but I don’t think I could live with myself if I so selfishly pushed these kids out of my home. Still, I guess it’s good to know that there is someone keeping an eye out for a potential placement for me. The adoption coordinator mentioned that CHOR always takes my home study along to matching events and looks for potential placements for me. The ages I am willing to accept don’t generally get showcased at matching events unless they have severe physical or developmental issues. I guess, if you look at it from CHOR’s perspective, I have no reason to be so impatient, I’ve only been waiting since December. But, that’s not the full story. First, I waited for over 3 years just trying to get pregnant. Then, I waited through the training and wait period for our first placement over a year ago. And here I am again – over 4 years since I first started trying to create a family – waiting for *my* child. It is hard to imagine life beyond this stage of waiting and wishing and hoping. It is hard to imagine finally getting to make all the decisions for my child and not needing to clear it with some agency or notify someone of every move I make. It will be nice to get out of the glass house and just live life. If I ever reach this stage. Lately, the prospect of me actually becoming an adoptive mother seems so impossible, I might as well expect to find myself landing on the moon before it happens. Who knows. God has a plan and everything will work out in His time, not mine. I just wish He would hurry up already!!!