Ambiguity Perhaps

Just when I think I have things figured out with this case it turns out I know nothing. I found out last week, through the baby-sitter who heard it from the older child’s relative that there is a court date set for the end of July. When I asked the county worker about it she confirmed that there was a court date the end of July and that she purposely did not invite me so as to not give fodder to the mother’s blame game against me. I had no intention to attend court, I just would like to be clued into what is going on – is that too much to ask? The county worker was over at my place for a brief visit last night and she anticipated my question for her regarding the game plan for the end of July. The last time we spoke, over a month ago, she was gung-ho for the kids to go home. It was all but a done deal. Now, she is back to being wishy-washy. She cannot reveal who told her what, but she keeps hearing things about what is happening in the mom’s home and she is trying to investigate it and figure out what it is that is being kept so hush-hush. From what she is saying, it sounds highly improbable that the children will return home the end of July, as the relative had hoped. That is still several weeks away, so I’m sure anything could happen in the mean time to change that. The case worker made it sound like the kids would not be going home before the new baby is born. And apparently the mom has pre-eclampsia and might need to deliver earlier than expected. How much earlier, I do not know. But, not November as expected. The case manager admitted that the uncertainty of it all put the kids and me in limbo for even longer. She apologized but offered no solutions because there are none to be had at this point. I told her, from my perspective, other than feeling frustrated with the ambiguity of the case, the kids and I have no problems. Yes, the older child’s behavioral issues sometimes cause distress and aggravation, but she seems to be settling down again – at least until the next flare-up – either that or I have become immune to her defiance and behavioral idiosyncrasies. So, we continue along. I keep up the mantra, “they are going home, they are going home, they are going home, they are going home,” lest I allow these postponements to alter my thinking and cause myself undue emotional duress. I wonder if this how a little fly feels getting stuck in warm gooey sap; the sticky substance prevents them from effortlessly flying away and yet they are not yet so glued fast that they cannot move. They work themselves into a tizzy separately pulling each limb from the ever-hardening sap, hoping to balance precariously on top of the sap long enough to pull free. They scramble and tug, they wiggle and struggle until their energy is entirely spent and then they settle into the goo, quietly resigned to whatever fate comes their way – some to be forever blotted from existence and others to become a scientific marvel, forever preserved in their amber prison. I have struggled against this case and now I am resigned to whatever the end results might be. This isn’t to say I won’t change my mind later and fight like hell one more time (and by I fight, I mean that internal emotional fight – not fight with another person). I think I’m getting to the point where I’m tired of thinking about it, I’m tired of hearing about it, I’m tired of talking about it – I just want a resolution! Perhaps there will be one the end of the month……. We march on until then!