If the Shoe Fits

There are some times that I want to scream when it comes to foster care. Last night was one of those times. Last Thursday when the relative came to pick up the older child she decided to complain about how the child’s shoes fit her. I open the door and I say, “Good morning!” and that was the response I got. "Her shoes are too small." "They look like they fit her fine." "She’s walking off the back of them and she complains that it hurts between her toes (they are cute little sandals that go between her toes and wrap around the back of her heel)." "She never says anything to me and she chooses what shoes she wears every day. Plus, she is hardly ever with me!" "Well, when she is with you, you need to get her new shoes. I had her tested and she is 2 sizes bigger." "I’ll be sure to get her a new pair." This was our exchange, with me needing to bite my tongue harder and harder. Aren’t you the relative? You never want me to send clothing along for her to wear because you brag about all the wonderful clothing you have for the child, so get her some new shoes if it bothers you that much! I don’t complain when the child comes back to me in shorts that are too bit or a shirt that is practically falling off of her. I say nothing. Perhaps I need to start bitching about everything too…..

 

And, as if this were not enough, I was also told about it from the case worker last night because she met with the mom and the mom (thanks to the relative buzzing in her ear) complained that both the kids shoes were too small. OMG! I’ll run right out and get the kids new shoes already! But, it’s going to be dam hard to buy shoes for a kid when I don’t have her feet with me! Seriously! I next to never run out week nights (with the exception of Friday nights) because after working all day I just want to get home to relax. And the older child is never with me on the weekends anymore, so tell me how I’m supposed to make this work? I have to run out during the week, despite my extreme desire not to? How rude! Why do I let things like this get under my skin? I guess because I hate stupid nit-picky stuff that is done just to irritate. And that is how I view this. The relative did not like that I told her she was being rude bringing the child back to my house so late at night and so she will look for things to pick about. Whatev!

 

In other news, I have an interview Monday afternoon for my family profile. I spoke with the lady today and she said she will need at least two hours to complete this interview! Holy cow! I mean, this is a good thing because it is part of the lengthy process to adopt and having a family profile done will help me to get more exposure, since they send this thing out to agencies with children to adopt. But, with my life in limbo due to this placement, it’s hard to try to switch gears and think about some potential future placement. Oh well, I need to try to move on and think about a bright happy future with my child, rather than get bogged down in worrying about these kids and the decisions that are being made for them.

 

 

It’s crazy to think that they have been with me for 6 months now! Yes, we made it to the 6-month mark officially tomorrow (7/12). Whew! What a long 6-8 weeks! It is hard to imagine that some day in the near future I won’t have these kids around, that I will be alone again in my house with just the dog and the cats. And I will be anxiously waiting for *that* phone call; the one that will change my life. Of course, I also know from experience that the phone call might be just another let-down, since I get calls about placements that never seem to pan out for one reason or another. So, I worry that I could be waiting for awhile. I guess I should be positive and speak positive things into my life. So, my wait will not be long and very, very soon my own child will come to me and we will sail right through the adoption process and begin our wonderful lives together.

 

If the older child’s information can be believed, then it appears she will be getting another little brother. She said her mommy is having a baby boy. She even knew the name, but I have forgotten it, plus it sounds like the name of some other relative in her family and I wonder if she has gotten the names confused. She told me this information after announcing that her mommy had been crying because she wanted her and her brother to be home to meet the new baby, which I’m guessing to mean she wanted them home now before the baby comes and it sounds like this is unlikely. So, here’s my fear. What if, just like court in April, they decide to punt this case and post-pone things for another 3 months? That takes us into October. In September the older child turns 4 and in October the baby will no longer be a baby, he will be 2 years old. And how much longer are they going to let this case be in limbo? I hope things work themselves out faster than they seem to be thus far because I get antsy and want to reach some sort of conclusion and resolution with this placement so I can make way for my baby to come and for my family to be created. At this point, only God knows and only time will tell…….

 

 

So, I wrote the above information last Thursday (7/11). This past weekend the baby spent a few hours with the foster family who had him before me so I could attend a workshop about making green smoothies and juicing (you know, trying to be healthy). When I came back to pick him up I ended up staying for nearly an hour talking to the family about the case with these kids. Holy cow! It is sad to know just how little I know about this placement! I had no idea about anything they were talking about and it was so shocking to me to hear a lot of the things (which unfortunately, I cannot repeat). The most shocking thing that I heard was that at some point in the lengthy amount of time these kids have been in care, they were placed in a pre-adoptive home because the case was moving towards termination of parental rights. It is shocking A) because I never knew this and B) that the case has persisted so long in limbo even after reaching that point. I believe in giving people second and even third chances but there’s also the “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” adage – how many chances are given before someone says, “Um, you’ve been playing around long enough and we are done now.” To this I have no answer. I don’t even know who the “they” are who would be making the final determination. The one thing that the foster mother said really sticks with me. She said that when they were adopting the last two kids (they have a bunch of adopted kids of varying ages) the case was kind of a mess, like this one, with things always being up in the air. And she had told the case worker that she hoped either something very bad happens or something very good happens to bring the case to a conclusion. And what happened was that the father was arrested and the termination process began after that. I have kind of being praying for the same thing, only I don’t wish anything bad to happen, I pray that things really just turn around for good to give these kids some permanency.  

 

I have not been a foster parent for all that long and so I still have a sense of incredulity when it comes to some events that occur – like the mom getting pregnant while having two kids in foster care. When I shared with the other foster family that she will most likely be delivering early due to a medical condition they gave one another a knowing look and said, “um, most likely she lied about her due date thinking no one would find out and she could have the baby in secret.” This would just never occur to me! It makes no sense to lie when there are so many county people and other agency people all up in your business that there’s no way to hide the baby. It just scrambles my brains and boggles my mind. I do hope that she does not have a medical condition that prevents her from having a healthy pregnancy and birth or that puts too much strain on her or the baby.

 

Yesterday the adoption coordinator (I don’t know her exact title, so this is what I shall call her until I can remember her exact title) came to my house and we talked for two hours and still didn’t get the entire process completed. She had to cover some training with me first, which took a big chunk of time. We talked about the case and I mentioned how the kids were only supposed to be with me for 6-8 weeks and have now been in my home for 6 months. She said she understood my frustrations with the case and how long it seems to be taking to get things to move along, but she said the longer the kids are in care and in limbo the better the chances are that the case could move to termination of parental rights. She also understood why I don’t let myself believe this and she agreed it was important that I keep telling myself that they will be going home, just as a means of self-preservation. Court is in less than two weeks now and I have not heard a peep about what might occur then or what might be the outcome. I pray it is something definitive, not a wishy-washy “let’s wait another 3 months to see what happens.” Unbelievably, court is in less than two weeks now, so I won’t have to wait too much longer to see what the outcome will be……. I just hope it is something conclusive!