Why Didn't She Take Me?

“Why didn’t she take me?” This is what Primero’s brother asked him when they spoke again on Monday. “Ask her to take me in, I want to be with you. Ask her to adopt me too.” He implored Primero to get him moved out of his current foster home because he is so depressed there and just wants to be with family. His aunt and uncle were going to take him in until they heard about the pregnant girlfriend and then they changed their minds. But, according to one of Primero’s friends who is cousins of the girlfriend, the pregnancy is a fake. A very real fake because she produced a sonogram picture of the alleged fetus. Total insanity.

 

Primero promised to talk to his case worker Tuesday night at the Fall Festival and he did. She talked to me too and said she would not be comfortable with Primero’s brother moving in because of the little ones. And she didn’t think I would be comfortable about it either. I said I felt bad for him and again encouraged getting the boys together to see one another. On our drive home I relayed this information to Primero and suggested they re-explore his aunt and uncle now that the pregnant girlfriend has been found to be a fake (to be quite honest, I’m not really sure what to believe about this whole saga, but I would kinda like to throttle this chickie). I told Primero at this point I would only be willing to accept his brother because he is my beloved son’s brother. In other words, I would be doing it for Primero. And if I said it once I said it a thousand times, it is not a decision that we get to make. Primero was already thinking of what it would be like to have his brother in our home, how he thought it would be best for his brother to join him in cyber school, where we would all sit on the couch since it is very compact, who gets shotgun in the car, etc. Primero gave his brother his case workers number and suggested he call the case worker to talk it over with her. My heart breaks for this child (young man) because I think he is jealous of Primero. I think he sees that Primero is happy, content, in a loving home, and that he is thriving and this is what the brother wants as well. Who can blame him for that?

 

At one point I asked Primero if he really wants his brother to move in because when we first found out he was going into foster care Primero seemed to indicate he would be very reluctant to have him live with us. Primero likes being the “big” kid. He likes our times together when it’s just me and him and he gets all my attention. He knows his brother would disrupt that balance. He said he would like his brother with him but he also acknowledged that he wouldn’t be too happy about the changes it would mean. I told him he is not responsible for his brother and he should not feel a burden to get his brother what he wants. I reiterated again that it was not a decision the three of us could make anyway, we are beholden to the directives of the county and CHOR. And at this point CHOR believes this would be a very bad idea. What the county knows and how they feel about the situation are a mystery.

 

I don’t know what, if anything, will become of all of this. I can understand the desire for both boys to want to be together. If I was in care, I would certainly fight tooth and nail to be with my sister (and probably my brother, even though I’m sure he wouldn’t give a rats red arse…..). I haven’t really had the time to process it all, to really think about the implications of everything. I disagree that it would be problematic for the little ones to have the older brother with us, I would see more of an issue for Primero. His brother, as I’ve mentioned before, has more issues and that could be challenging but being with his younger brother could also give him the impetus to change for the better. I’ve only met the brother a couple of times, so I know it is through what Primero relays that he feels any type of connection to me. My soft spot is children (or pets) who feel unwanted. No one should ever feel unwanted because it is just the most awful feeling in the world. Still, a child who has been running wild in the streets might find it hard to adjust to rules and regulations of a household. And then there is the whole adoption thing. Wow! I really tried to gloss over that because it’s a huge deal and, without at least a trial run, I don’t know that I would be too quick to answer affirmative to that question. But, my overall greatest concern would be how much peer pressure the brother would leverage over my sweet Primero to do some of the things he has done, more specifically, become sexually active. This is something I worry about when the boys are not living together. I know Primero really looks up most to his oldest brother and that he has expressed frustration with this brother due to some of the choices he has made. Primero blames the brother for getting their mother involved in drugs, while the brother blames the mother. But, I am a firm believer in giving everyone, and especially children and teenagers, a second chance. This could be the turning point for the brother, to be able to turn his life around and make better decisions. For me, I will let the whole situation up to God. He will move to direct things to go in the direction He chooses.