I’m tired of my period. Every month (or so) it rolls around
and I think, “I really should call my gyno to talk about my period” and every
month I don’t make that call. I haven’t gone to the gyno in over 2 years. I
guess after all the infertility stuff I just sort of gave up caring. Nothing
interesting is going on down there, so might as well ignore it. But, my periods
are painful and heavy and if there were something to help with that I would
like to be advised of its attributes. So why don’t I just bite the bullet and
make that appointment? You mean, other than because I’m a dummy? Obviously,
there’s the whole infertility implication. And that does sound stupid outside
of my head, but I suppose I justify it by feeling the need to not be on display
again as I was during our years of trying. I’m trying to regain some sense of
propriety, in a very misguided way. Being divorced and single, I don’t see much
action these days. Not to claim I’ve been totally celibate, but I’m not
sleeping around and therefore, also don’t feel a need to have my cervix scraped
once a year. Oh, but it isn’t once a year anymore! I was told the last time I
was in to see my doctor she would only be performing a pap smear once every two
years, since there was some study claiming yearly pap smears aren’t necessary.
There’s also an added complication of my gyno and my mom being friends and
former co-workers. I don’t know that they’re meeting up so often, but they used
to get together in a group of previous co-workers once every other month. My
gyno and I are Facebook friends and I’m pretty sure that makes me weird. Not
that she contacts me about my girly stuff through Facebook and she’s a total professional,
so I don’t worry that she shares things about me with my mom. The moral of the
story is, I hate my period and would like to discuss my options with my health
care provider so I need to get over myself and make an appointment.
Tuesday afternoon Primero informed me Hermano wanted to
visit and was walking to our place from his foster family’s place. I was
instantly worried because that walk is usually about a 30 minute drive. I
wanted to try to find him but we had no clue the route he would have taken and
his phone wasn’t working. So, we ran a quick errand and suddenly Primero’s
phone was ringing. It was Esperanza’s roommate’s number but Hermano was
calling. He wanted us to pick him up. We took him to dinner and he filled us in
on things. The biggest bombshell was that he and his pregnant girlfriend had
broken up and the girlfriend wouldn’t talk to him. Primero got upset at this
revelation, demanding they get back together. I think it was a two-pronged
prick to Primero – one, he had just broken up with his girlfriend the day
before, so there was sadness over that, and two, he didn’t want his nephew to
face the same fatherless childhood that he lived through. Hermano seemed rather
blasé over the whole break up. But, he also seemed proud to be expecting a son,
so hopefully they will work out some amicable agreement to parent their child.
The other sad news Hermano shared was regarding his education. Because he has
moved around so much, he won’t be able to graduate this year and in fact, he
would be put in 9th grade based on the few credits he has towards
graduation. According to what he said, it doesn’t seem like the school is
willing to help him. And, I’m not sure what CYS is doing to help him either. He
seemed to indicate that he would be moving out of his foster home when he turns
18, which is next week. I am watching a sad foster care statistic unfold before
my very eyes – Hermano is aging out with little support, no high school diploma,
a minimum wage job and a child on the way. It’s just down right heart breaking,
especially to see it written so starkly in black and white. As we drove Hermano
home he revealed his foster parents didn’t know he had walked half way across
the county, they thought he was at the local park. He insisted they don’t care
about him anymore and he doesn’t care either. He invited us to the baby shower
that will be happening some time the beginning of July and stuffed the baby
clothing I gave him into his back pack and lumbered away into the fleeing
sunlight. Primero was uncharacteristically quiet the rest of the evening,
although he insisted nothing was wrong.
Last night Primero informed me that Esperanza’s phone is
broken. For Christmas, I bought her a cell phone and added a line to my
account. Prior to that, her cell phone only worked with wifi connection and she
didn’t have an actual phone she could use to make or receive calls. Obviously,
I had no idea the fall out that would occur just a few months after Christmas,
my crystal ball was a bit cloudy and I foolishly thought things would carry on
as they had been previously. I was wrong, very wrong. Things went sideways and
I’ve been stuck paying for a phone for someone who thinks I should eat shit and
die. When Primero delivered the pronouncement of the damaged phone, all I could
do was shrug and mutter how it didn’t really turn out as I had expected and I
regretted my decision to rope myself into this two year contract. Primero got
defensive and I got busy with giving the little ones their bath. I know nothing
can happen to my account unless I authorize it and I’m fine with authorizing
Esperanza to purchase her own phone or whatever else might come along. But,
that would require a conversation with me and not having Primero in the middle,
as he always has been. Primero cannot fix the phone nor can he authorize any
changes to the account. I have a feeling I’m about to be stuck with an extra
line on my account and forced to pay some exorbitant disconnect fee and I wish
I hadn’t been so trusting of things staying the way they were.
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