Cash Cow

Years ago I remember reading on an adoption online forum about an adoptive couple struggling with defining boundaries to their child’s mother regarding financial assistance. This was after the adoption so there wasn’t any legal counsel or adoption agency negotiating on their behalf, it was just the couple trying to figure out how to help. I read it with a leery eye, thinking it wasn’t the adoptive couple’s responsibility to financially support their child’s mother. It’s easy to say that from an outside perspective yet, when the shoe is on the other foot the gray areas become apparent.

 

Last spring I discovered via a Facebook post, that Primero’s aunt’s cousin lost everything in a house fire. The post asked if anyone had girls’ clothing and it just so happened I did. So, I agreed to take the clothes to his aunt’s place. It was the first time she and I met in person. We had been friends on Facebook and spoke via messenger for quite some time, but we never met in person. About a month after I dropped off the clothing his aunt contacted me stating she needed to take her daughter to a hospital over an hour away. They would ride the bus because she doesn’t drive and doesn’t have a car. The trip would take all day because of the bus schedule. She was in a panic because, after paying for the bus fare, she had no money to buy them lunch. Could I, would I lend her $20 so they could eat? Sure. I mean, it’s only $20 and it would be such a long, long day with no lunch. I dropped the money off and she was grateful. Little did I know, my willingness to help her out would snowball.

 

The $20 I loaned her soon ballooned to $60 and  pack of cigarettes (I don’t smoke) and still she kept asking for handouts and an ever increasing pace. The last time I gave her money was when we were giving her and her daughter a ride to the local hospital. And I refused to stop and buy her cigarettes as well. Not long after that we had a plumbing issue. I asked her for the loaned money back and she claimed to not have it. I let it go, but refuse to give her any more money. Don’t loan what you can’t afford to lose, right?

 

I know certain members of Primero’s family see me as rich because I have a home and nice things. But, we pinch pennies and I do mathematic acrobatics to keep us going. Are we better off than some of them? Yes, we are. But, I cannot support us and everyone else as well. Yesterday Primero text me because his oldest brother, Mr J, had asked to borrow money. I didn’t have it to lend so I had to say no, but it’s hard being seen as a cash cow (I don’t think his brother sees me this way, but other family members do) especially when the reality is that we struggle to get the things we have.