Sleeping Alone

My cousin’s wife posted on Facebook seeking advice to get her 10 month daughter to sleep in her own crib and not their bed. She made the mistake of allowing her daughter into her bed and is now struggling to get her back out. I joked with her to share the advice with me because my four year old Love Bug still sleeps with me every night. Long ago I gave up on convincing him to stay in his own bed. He slept in his own bed in my bedroom for three years. It didn’t matter, he still woke up and climbed into my bed. I thought moving him to a different room would discourage his nightly migration, but it has not. He likes snuggling when he sleeps. He won’t fall asleep unless I lay next to him. He views my bed as his own. I know, at some point in time, he will stop wanting to sleep in my bed and stay in his own. I joked, in my Facebook post, I will remember this time when he is a teenager and hates me. I think my Love Bug just needs the comfort of feeling someone sleeping next to him. He reaches out in his sleep, to feel for me, to grab my arm or my hand and pull it towards himself. He likes to sleep on my arm or my hand or sometimes lying totally on top of me, his head resting on my chest.

 

Others suggested the cry it out method on their response to the above post. There was one time, when he was about 10 months old, I tried to let Love Bug cry it out. It was the fourth time he woke up in the night, just before dusk. I was exhausted and wanted just a few more minutes of sleep. I tried to calm him down and then I left, but he would not be placated, he wanted to be with me. Still, I kept insisting he learn to sleep alone. This went on for what felt like days, but was probably only 30 minutes. In the end, I did not get anymore sleep, instead I had a very nervous and upset Love Bug who took a long time to settle down and release his vice-grip on my neck. In other words, I only made him more hyperviligent about waiting for me to leave him alone in his bed. I’m sure someone could tell me I didn’t do it right, but for this little guy there was no crying it out. He needed to feel safe and if that meant being with me, in my bed, then so be it. I think once he was 18 months old I gave up trying to let him fall asleep in my bed and then move him back to his bed. He would always come back and it just made me tired and grumpy. Technically, the foster care rules do not allow children to sleep with their foster parents. That just didn’t work for my little boy. I guess it’s a good thing I’m single, because Love Bug needs that space in my bed. I believe, like so many things when it comes to parenting, each family and even each child within the same family, will make choices for what is right for them to meet their unique individual needs. I won’t say I was a big proponent either way, but I have definitely softened on co-sleeping.

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