Evaluate This

It is harder for me to accept the challenges Love Bug in regards to schooling than it was for Chica Marie. While I feel connected to Chica Marie, our relationship has taken more time to deepen that it did for Love Bug, who came to be as a wide-eyed newborn instead of a sassy three year old with an impressive vocabulary. Sadly, for Chica Marie I think I was expecting there to be difficulties and somehow managed to detach myself from them. With Love Bug, it hurts my heart with the amount of testing he has to go through (nothing physical, just observations and sometimes tasks he is asked to complete) and how already the idea of a different classroom has come up. The ADHD label did not bring Chica Marie such swift reaction from the district as the possibility of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder – I spell it out for myself). It seems more of the professionals are aligning to the Autism diagnosis for my Love Bug, but until all the dust settles and all the paperwork is tabulated, nothing is official. Still, I have been slowly making myself say the word out loud and accept what feels like the inevitable. I so strongly want Love Bug to be in a standard classroom and I truly believe he can do it – with help. I am hoping the TSS worker will soon materialize and be there for him when he starts school. I think, without it, the district will move him to different classroom setting. I remember how they tried to do that with Chica Marie. Ultimately, the county stepped in an cancelled the school’s plan, thankfully, but this time there is no county involvement. This is both good and bad because it allows me to make decisions all on my own, but is also doesn’t give me any extra fighting power. There is no one in our corner, so to speak. I am mostly just anxious to get through all of the evaluations and determine who, what and how there is going to be help for Love Bug starting kindergarten the end of August.

 

The school district has early registration for kids entering school through the Special Education Department. Because Love Bug has been receiving services from the local intermediate unit (early intervention services), I had a special meeting with the district representative to clue them into what to expect when Love Bug starts school. This brief meeting seemed superfluous until I got a call not long after leaving the facility. They had Love Bug filed under his old last name and didn’t make the connection until I left. He was flagged as a child they wanted to evaluate before he started kindergarten. So, another entity evaluating Love Bug. Sigh. It was after this phone call when I realized how upsetting I found all the evaluating. He is just a little boy! My little boy! My reaction shocked me a bit because I didn’t feel this way when Chica Marie was bouncing from one level of therapeutic care to another. For her, it was almost expected. And this realization struck a chord with something else I had recently noticed in a different light.

 

For children in foster care, it is almost a given that they will have behavioral issues. In fact, it is one of the things case workers ask about when they come out for their visits. If you tell them things are fine, they look at you suspiciously and declare you are still in the honeymoon phase and the proverbial shit will soon hit the fan. The children aren’t given the benefit of the doubt. And, since it seems like everyone is looking for trouble, they find it. Now, I am not downplaying the realities because the children in foster care have experienced trauma and they will have big feelings they don’t know what to do with, which will result in acting out. But, their troubles are not seen as kids being kids and making bad choices because hey their brains are still developing and whatnot. No. Instead the trouble they get into is scrutinized and declared problematic. Not to say there aren’t behaviors that do fit that bill (Chica Marie did have plenty of those!) but, what kid doesn’t talk back to their parents at some point in their life? Or tell a lie to get out of trouble? Or punch their sibling? Or have a temper tantrum in the grocery store? Working with the mobile therapist we have now has helped me to see how normal many of “issues” are that I’ve experienced with my kids. Not to say there aren’t other things that need attention, but the kids definitely need more wiggle room to make mistakes than I think I’ve been giving them. Even Primero. I am thankful the mobile therapist has caused me to remember some of the crazy things I did when I was a kid (we played with a 50 gallon tub of tar once…. Yeah…), that reminded me kids will be kids.

 

As for Love Bug, he is still and forever will be my Love Bug. I know others will see how terrific he is and if they do not, it is their loss. And no evaluation will change that.