Bullies

Last Thursday I attended an event hosted by CHOR as part of a post-permanency group series. The session was hosted by a local non-profit group working to eradicate bullying. The speaker wrote a book based on her personal experience being bullied in school and enduring other hardships before being able to create this non-profit dedicated to not only speaking out about bullying but also teaching kids and adults how to stop bullying. Of the three couples present, one was the couple who had Primero in foster care before he moved in with me. Primero had issue with the foster dad, who is rather arrogant and not one of my favorite people. In fact, I would classify this man as being a bully, based on some of the stuff Primero reported to me and what I’ve seen of him in group meetings. At one point during the presentation, the foster dad interjected that sometimes kids need to learn to stand up for themselves, implying taking physical action. I stated this escalation of the situation is what leads kids to pick up a gun and go to school. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Both foster parents defended their decision to tell their child to fight back. I stopped arguing with them because I was not going to change their minds and it simply wasn’t worth it.

 

Later, the same foster dad mentioned having issues with more than a few people at work. Proving the presenters point, he suggested the problem was the other people and when the presenter suggested he do something radical, like take them a candy bar, he insisted the other people at his work were too miserable to be swayed by a surprise kind gesture. After the presentation, when I had calmed down, I spoke with the presenter and explained why I got visibly irritated at the other couple teaching their child to fight other kids. I labeled the foster dad a bully and she said she understood and that was why she kept picking on him all night, telling him to get a candy bar for his co-workers. When I told Primero about the situation later that night, he was not surprised at the foster dad’s response and insistence that his child fight back. He also called him a bully and thought it was ironic that he attended this specific training.

 

I have plans to take the kids to an event being held by the non-profit group. I might volunteer to read stories to kids or do something else. I was bullied in grade school and felt lucky to escape it in high school because I was homeschooled. To this day the things the bullies told me about myself are a part of my inner monologue that I have to fight to overcome. I hope to help other children so they don’t have to undo that type of damage for themselves, so they don’t feel worthless for being different in some way. I especially hope to help my own children. Primero has been bullied. Chica Marie has been bullied and she has been the bully. I don’t think Love Bug has experienced this yet, but he will start school next year and he has enough unique characteristics to make himself a target. So, maybe if we get involved with this group, we can help ourselves in the process.