Today a friend sent an invitation to me on Facebook for a baby shower the beginning of June. It was perplexing because how it was worded didn't really say who the mother-to-be was. I remembered seeing something on this same friends page last month. It was one of those quizzes but it said something about a daughter. She only has a son. In fact, the last time we went out alone she insisted she would not want to have another child.
She responded to my question on Facebook by sending me a text telling me she was expecting. "It wasn't planned" she said. She thought she told me already. When she got pregnant with her son, I was really in the thick of the whole infertility thing and she was kind enough to send me an email before splashing her pregnancy all over social media. I appreciated the gesture, no matter how much it gutted me at the time. This time, I was blind sighted. I think I might have accepted the whole announcement if she had said something to be before inviting me to the baby shower. But, finding out the way I did made it hard to breathe for a few minutes. I felt my face flush as I congratulated her. Slowly I righted my emotional ship, as we chatted about her news, but I couldn't help but wonder why she didn't tell me the same way she did the last time. It wasn't that her news didn't hurt, it just helped me save face and cope with it better, in my time.
I don't know if I will attend the baby shower. I want to support my friend but baby showers really aren't my thing. I noticed someone asked if kids were allowed, which might make it a little easier, but lately Chica Marie has been asking me when I will have a baby in my tummy and Love Bug keeps asking me if I remember when he was in my tummy, so I'm not so sure. I don't know if I would be able to stand Chica Marie's fascination, bordering on obsession, of a pregnant belly. And sobbing uncontrollably isn't usually welcomed at baby showers.Thankfully I have a few weeks to decide what I'm going to do.
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You have a number of options. Go to the shower, but stay only a short time. Or don't go, and send a nice note and gift.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I think I can guess why she didn't tell you in advance. Because she most likely thinks that ... to use a phrase we don't like ... you're "over it" and so she didn't even think of letting you know in advance. It's tough. People do seem to think that being a mother eliminates any of the grief over infertility that you might still feel, or that adoption is a "cure" for infertility. Argh. So I can understand why you felt floored by it. And I'm sending hugs.
Sorry your friend didn't think to tell you before inviting you to the baby shower. I hope if you do decide to go that it will go well and not be too difficult.
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