Impasse

My goal has always been for no one to guess Chica Marie has a white mom based on her hair. Her mother, a class I took about the cultural importance of black women's hair, and an online group for white adoptive parents of black children has taught me the importance of keeping her hair well-groomed and healthy. From the beginning of time Chica Marie has fought me. When she was little I didn’t have the expectation that she would keep her hair tidy. As she got older, I began talking to her about her hair and trying to teach her to not take it out. When she was younger she would manipulate an adult to take her hair out. I had words with the daycare staff about not touching her hair, even if she cried about it being too tight. It was a ploy to get her hair free. As she got older, I tried to give her free hair days but they were a disaster. Still, Chica Marie would mess with her hair. She has dumped things like hand sanitizer and hand soap in her hair. She plays with it, pulls it out and does whatever she can to ignore my pleadings and admonishments to simply let her hair alone. When I picked her up from daycare on Friday, she had dumped water on her hair and braided some of the parts that were lose. Things have been rough with her lately and I was just done. I told her she could just do her own hair. I thought she would try and get frustrated and then realize she couldn't do it alone. But, thus far that is not what is happening. She seems to think she's all grown up and can just do her hair. I messaged her teacher, so she wouldn't think I was dead or something because this girls hair is one hot mess. Never has she left the house with her hair so bedraggled looking. Still, she is as happy as a clam, thinking this is great. She's grown. And, so now we are at an impasse. 

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