Hard Times Circle Round

Things are hard with the younger two right now. Thankfully, it seems Primero has moved on from his “adult” temper-tantrum stage and will be graduating next month! Such a huge sigh of relief and I am so proud of him! But, sadly, his success is being drowned out by the increasingly troubling behavior of Chica Marie and the on-going drama with Love Bug’s pending diagnosis and school enrollment.

Chica Marie: Things had been dormant for a bit and she was doing very well at school and at daycare and even at home. But, as the mobile therapist indicated, pretty much everyone is done with her behaviors and disrespect. Last week, she stole candy that Primero and I accidentally left sitting out, then hid it in her backpack to take to school. She got in trouble riding the bus from her school to the after-school bowling program because she as screaming and refused to get in her seat. When she was admonished by the coach about screaming her response was, “well, you never told us the bus rules.” The same day she filched $5 from a teammate at her first baseball game and when we got home from the game her mobile therapist text to let me know she threatened another child at school. This was all after she let the foster dog out of our backyard resulting in us having to notify the rescue, the ARL, the Humane Society, and the police (the dog was picked up and taken to the Animal Rescue League). The week before she was accused of sticking her hand down another girls skirt at daycare. Today she threatened to kill her daycare teacher when the teacher crumpled some paper she had drawn. I don’t know what to do. It doesn’t seem to matter what I saw and no punishment deters the behaviors. The mobile therapist in one breath told me I’m a push-over and in the next advised me to not just take privileges away from Chia Marie because he didn’t think that would work, it would only build resentment. We had stopped doing the play therapy together, but I have reinstituted it in desperation to reach her before things get really, really bad. 

Love Bug: Apparently my head has been in the sand when it comes to my little guy. He irritated the psychologist who evaluates the kids to determine what course of action should be taken and submits this to the insurance for approval. The first time we met, he suggested medication management, but it was at the same time that the Early Intervention therapist suggested Love Bug was autistic and the wishy-washy diagnosis did not seem like a good time to start pumping him full of drugs. Even now, the doctor has not changed his diagnosis (which was ADHD and ODD) but what I have learned (from a CHOR training) is that changing the diagnosis could mean losing us as patients if they are unable to handle the new diagnosis. So, the almighty dollar actually dictates the diagnosis. But, yes drugs. So, the doctor was frustrated that Love Bug would not obey his command to stay on the other side of his desk, instead of trying to escape by the door behind him. I guess all the other children, seeking help for behavioral issues, are better behaved. I left feeling very frustrated myself because it seemed like the doctor didn’t want to hear anything since I didn’t heed his recommendation to dump pills down my child’s throat. I will need to contact Love Bug’s primary care physician because there are no appointments for him with the staff at the mental health facility. We are also being assigned a case manager because they want to send him to some specialized schooling  over the summer, rather than the daycare he has been attending since he’s 18 months old. Meanwhile, the early interventionist, who has a hand in completing the evaluation for Love Bug’s kindergarten enrollment, has suggested, based on his test scores, he is very deficient. I haven’t seen the whole eval yet, but according to the mobile therapist, who just two weeks ago agreed with me that Love Bug could handle the traditional kindergarten with TSS support, believes the autism support classroom is where he needs to be. So, it seems there will be no way around it. I won’t have anyone in my corner. I feel like the early intervention evaluation is biased but how can I prove that? I suppose I am the only one on the planet still perplexed by the ASD diagnosis because of my limited understanding. Love Bug is social, he can make friends, he is affectionate and verbal and so many things that I didn’t think fit on the spectrum. Is higher functioning autism (formerly, Asperger’s) that much different? I don’t know. And no one is explaining anything to me.

Finally, we come to my guilt. The weight of all these behavioral issues sits heavily on my shoulders. What am I doing or not doing that is causing or not helping these behaviors? How am I failing as a mother? Why can't I make it stop? What did I not do when Love Bug was a baby to help him be more prepared for kindergarten? I have so many questions and no answers. It's just hard.