Can Do

I have hated my body since third grade when I needed to start wearing a bra. A real one, with cups and all. I was mortified when the boys in my class snapped the band on my bra, gleefully announcing to the whole class that I was wearing one. My stupid developing body wouldn’t stop there and my ample chest was a point of conversation until I was homeschooled in eighth grade. I tried really hard to take better care of my body when I was trying to get pregnant with my ex-husband. But, once again my body let me down and I felt justified in my zealous  distain of my body.

 

During the yoga retreat I tried stand up paddle boarding for the first time. Standing up on the board was much harder than I thought it was going to be. When I tried to stand the first time, I got myself into a pike position, emulating downward dog, and I could not for the life of me figure out how to stand erect. Slowly, with much effort and tons of wobbling, I stood up. I managed to stay on my board, belly flopping once but landing on my board and not in the water. In fact, I stood up a total of three times. I was immensely proud of myself when I was actually able to paddle with some conviction the third time I stood. As I became more comfortable paddling upstream, I actually had a positive thought about my body. Despite my poor care of it, my body managed to produce that day on the river. It did something I didn’t think it would. My body was not this broken piece of trash, to be berated as useless and worthless. It still needs a lot of work and I am nowhere near believing my body is a temple or anything like that, but to acknowledge it could do something I wanted it to do, even if it took a lot of effort, was encouraging. I plan on going  to local stand up paddle board events this summer to increase my strength and ability. My body can’t make babies, but there are other things it *can* do.

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