Finally Some Referrals

Finally! I have finally gotten a referral that sounds pretty darn perfect for me – although, it’s far from being a done deal. I had found a three potential little boys that I was interested in from the matching event this past weekend. One response, for a baby with medical issues, was that they needed to place him with a family where there is one stay-at-home parent with some medical knowledge – so, not me. The other little boy is actually a child with CHOR through another agency (this can get quite confusing) and I am supposed to visit the adoption coordinator to talk about him tomorrow. She had also sent me a flier regarding two little girls she had seen at the event, that I had somehow missed. This is the one I am more excited about. The girls are just so darn cute in the photo and their behavioral issues are certainly something I have encountered before. The adoption coordinator will contact the agency about them and let me know, so of course I am not holding my breath! I was getting pretty worried not hearing a thing for over a month (other than the rash of calls for respite weekend placements). I don’t want to get discouraged, I want to remain strong in my faith that my perfect child is out there for me (not saying the child is perfect but that our match is perfect, we fit together). I need to be patient, something I don’t always find easy to do. I want to believe that there are plenty of agency case workers out there who can see the merit in placing a child in my home, but I fear that the majority of them are more old-fashioned and would much rather see a child in a two-parent home. I rag on myself constantly about the decision I made to forge ahead as a single woman and adopt a child now, rather than wait until I’m remarried or very near to it. I don’t know why I can’t just give up on my desire to be a mother and perhaps I am past the point of no return. Now I have tunnel vision – all I can see is the baby at the end of the tunnel, I see nothing on my left and nothing on my right, my eyes are fixed on the goal. Every night I go to bed dreaming of my baby, a precious tiny newborn wrapped in warm blankets making those precious mewling newborn noises. I so poignantly remember last November when I did have that precious baby and her older sisters and I miss them so terribly. I know it’s not nice to choose favorites, but if I had to, those three would be my favorite placement to date; not that I didn’t love all the children I have taken care of, but there was just something special about the three of them…. I think of them and my heart aches. But, I think this is my hearts’ permanent condition, like a bum knee aching before the rain. So, I soldier on, I wait as patiently as possible, and I pray that everything works out just as it is supposed to work out……