A New Placement

So, I thought this weekend would be my last weekend with the kiddo. The foster home he is staying in put in their 30 days’ notice and that time is nearly up. My assumption was he would move on with a new foster family. But, the case worker from CHOR called me and left a message on my cell phone stating the county has thus far been unable to find a new foster home for the kid and since he cannot stay in the home he is in now he will need to go to a shelter by next weekend. Unless…… unless I am willing to take him in instead. Well, call me stupid, but I would much rather this kid come stay with me than go into a shelter/group home. I guess I’m too soft. Really, I am. But, I have to live with the decisions I make and I have to be able to look myself in the eye in the mirror and say, “I’m good with that.” If I willingly let this kid be put in a shelter just because I selfishly want to adopt NOW, rather than wait, well I just couldn’t live with myself. The case worker indicated the county would keep looking for a foster home for him, but let’s get real. If the kid is safe and happy with me, how hard are they going to look for another home? And, as I learned the hard way last year, even if they say it will be for a short period of time, one never knows how long a temporary placement will last. And the case worker did not say it would be a short stay – she used the word “indefinite.” When she asked me the beginning of the month if I would take the kid on as a foster placement (which he so badly wanted) I told her I would not because I want to adopt and I don’t have the bedroom space to have this kid and still wait to adopt. Once I got to talk to the case worker and reiterate my concerns, she promised to stress to the county that I am just “holding” him and that I want to adopt – not just that I want to but I am prepared to and in fact, waiting to adopt. That’s the bad news. The good news? This is a Berks county case, so maybe, just maybe if they see I’m a good foster mom with this kiddo and I help them out (so to speak) by taking him in, maybe just maybe they would consider letting me have an another adoptive placement. Maybe. I won’t hold my breath, but there could be a crack in their impenetrable armor and a ray of sunshine might burn me off the black list. Maybe. Still, this is a roadblock for my adoption journey. I won’t get any calls for adoptive/legal risk placements because I would have no space for them. I wish I could finish the room in my basement and move my bedroom down there – that would leave two rooms for foster/adoptive children. But, unless there are some little fairies out there who are willing to spin straw into gold whilst I sleep at night, that’s not going to happen. I have to deal with what I have at the moment. There are other issues I need to address with the case worker like an after school program (because I work until 4:30 and school is out well before then) and the fact that I don’t have a car right now, so unless he can get on a bus, I’m not sure how I will get him to school. *Side note – the car issue is resolved because my car is fixed, I just need to get it back which should happen sometime Monday afternoon* Also, he will have to go along with me to the beekeeping classes I’ve been taking unless he can be in respite every other Wednesday night. And the biggest issue of all – Montana. Not that Montana is an issue but I’m sure nobody involved wants the kid to become a third wheel on our dates, so this complicates our relationship. I mean, we talked about the probability of me getting a placement and that making things a little more complicated for us, but we both assumed this would be a younger child, so potentially I could tuck the little stinkers into bed and we could chat in the living room for a bit. Not so with an older child. But, I guess it’s just something to work through. The kid can still stay with another foster family in respite on the nights we want to be alone, it just requires more planning than  we do right now. I’m sure we’ll figure it out. But, all of this swimming in my brain makes my head hurt. He moves in next week sometime (I’m thinking next weekend) so I have next week to clear all the baby paraphernalia out of that room and prepare for a teenage boy!