Pushing Things Along

It seems like the county and CHOR are pushing things along for Primero’s adoption and I am glad. I worried that the process would take a long time and that we might feel discouraged by the length of time we would have to wait. But, it seems like they are trying to get Primero’s child profile completed before the next court date in September and it seems like perhaps we could be getting an adoption court date then or maybe even before then? I’m only speculating because of the language the case worker used, she didn’t specifically say these things I (perhaps erroneously) inferred them. I’m glad that things aren’t moving at the snail pace I am accustomed to because I think now that the decisions have been made, it’s only cruel to keep Primero and I in limbo before completing the process. Primero seems to think he will be adopted before his birthday in the beginning of November. With the next court date set a week before my birthday, we joked about the adoption happening on my birthday and that I would get a son as a birthday present. I said it would hands down be the very best birthday present ever! Let’s keep our fingers crossed!

 

We had the little girl in respite care again last weekend. She does very well with us, other than having issues with wetting herself (as it was explained to me, many times young children in foster care feel helpless and have no control over what is happening in their lives so they control the only things they can – toileting and eating) now that she is more familiar with us. Primero is still leery of her, declaring he hates her (insert eye-roll here). We did have an issue at church. I tried to take her upstairs for the children’s church and she had such a fit I think it bordered on a panic attack. She just did not want me to leave her. When I did try to walk away, she broken down the child gate and ran to me, latching onto my leg ferociously. She was so upset she was shaking and crying so hard she could hardly breathe. I picked her up and she bear-hugged me so hard I got a stiff neck from it. I calmed her down and took her to the bathroom to wash off her face that was slimy with tears and snot. Then I took her downstairs with me. Apparently, this child is dealing with some pretty intense feelings of abandonment and I refuse to add to that just to satiate the rules of small children being upstairs for church. She sat quietly (well, quiet for a toddler) during church after clinging to my neck for a full ten minutes. It’s so sad to see such brokenness in such little children. I felt badly for trying as hard as I did to get her to stay in the children’s room. She had been telling me all morning she didn’t want to go upstairs, that she was afraid I would leave her. I guess I should have listened…..

 

Primero and I had our first fight last Friday. And, as usually is the case, it was over something incredibly stupid. Primero stopped talking to me and began cleaning up his things (I thought he was packing). I sobbed while he was in the shower and then went to bed where he came to find me and apologize. I told him there was nothing he could do to make me stop loving him, that was the definition of unconditional love, and that even if I get angry with him it doesn’t mean I will stop communicating with him or shut him out (I know he had told me story of his mother not talking to him for several weeks after they had a fight – this is torture to me!). We kissed and made up and life goes on. I think for a hot minute he thought it was over because I got mad. Still, I would describe our situation as bliss compared to the horror stories you hear about teenagers (just in general, not just teens in foster care). Heck, compared to the horror stories from me and my siblings teen years! My sweet Primero is (thank God!) a total cake walk compared to my brother when he was a teenager. Ok, to be fair my brother was still human when he was Primero’s age. It was about a year after that when he turned into an alien. Oh dear God, don’t let that happen to Primero!

 

I’ve experienced another small issue that is bugging me. In meeting with the general public for my job and in working with the Latino population, who’s culture is more forthright in asking personal questions, I have changed my answer to the “do you have any kids?” question from a shrug and sigh, “no” to a big beaming smile, “Yes!” And, since there are pictures on my desk of me and Primero, people naturally assume he is my son (although I had one person ask me if he was my brother!). Without fail, when his age is revealed either in pictures or follow up questions, the response is “but you’re so young!” And I am! So, I find myself reassuring them (me) that he is adopted and so I didn’t have a baby when I was a teenager. But, I don’t want to always be telling people he is adopted. I just want to acknowledge him as my son. We don’t really look anything alike – he’s tall and lanky and I’m short and fat. I have green eyes, his are brown. Although, I suppose if Flaco and I ever had kids, Primero could resemble Flaco – their hair is very similar in texture but Primero’s natural hair color (he had me bleach some of it) is darker than Flaco’s. No one in my family has brown eyes, we are all blue/green or gray eyed. But, I digress. I need to practice not caring if people think I was a young mother. Yes, it does bother me because, well not only was I not a pregnant teenager, but I’m not able to have children at all, so there’s that. But, I also made a decision to abstain until I was older, so yeah it bugs me a bit. However, I need to nip this in the bud because I don’t want to respond this way in front of Primero. It doesn’t matter what other people think, those who matter already know the score and those who are too curious for their own good, well I guess they will just have to walk away wondering. So, yes I have a son and yes I am young, thank you very much!