Fussy Visits

It’s been a long week. I spent two days home with the flu, leaving the house only to take the children to school and daycare, then to collect them again at the end of the day. The little one’s bio mom was sick this week too, missing a visit on Tuesday. The visit they had last night was held at the library but was interrupted when the library closed at 5:30. They spent the remaining 30 minutes in the CHOR van, chatting. Our case worker was supervising the visit and she was texting me quite a bit. Apparently, the baby was once again screaming inconsolably during the visit and she wanted to know what they could do. I gave a few suggestions, one included feeding him some of the baby food I sent along for the visit, and the case worker text back that she didn’t think the baby liked bio mom. I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t like her, I think he just doesn’t know her and he feels uncomfortable. Many times when I come to pick him up he is fussing but calms down when he hears my voice or sees me. He’s a baby and I’ve been his care-taker since he’s four days old. I don’t think he realizes she is his mother. I feel bad about the situation, especially for the distraught baby, but I don’t know what to do. I soothe him when I am there. I’ve handed him to his bio mom and smiled to let him know it’s ok. I don’t really know what more to do for an infant to feel more comfortable during the two hour visits. Now that he’s outgrown the colic, he’s only fussy when he wants to eat or sleep which can be remedied by feeding him or putting him to sleep (actually, most nights when I home with him and his sister because Primero is at his after school program, the baby howls while I make dinner and clean up because he wants me to hold him 24/7 – it gets hard some nights that he won’t settle in any of the array of chairs/swings/seats I have for him). Hopefully, this too will prove to be a phase and soon he will be his jovial self during the visits.

There has been a lot of hoopla made about a visit with the grandmother this weekend and it seems like no one knows what is going on. I had mentioned to the CHOR case worker after court on Monday that grandmother wanted to have the girls for the weekend to sleep over a few times a month. The county case worker said at this time she would rather it be just the older sister, since grandmother had presented for her and the county wanted to see how these visits went. Sounded good to me. But, the older sister and the bio mom insisted there was a visit with the grandmother this weekend and that the girls would be sleeping over. The CHOR case worker asked me via text last night and the county case worker called me today to ask about it. Gee, I’m glad I know what’s going on! The county case worker had given me permission to make the visit appointments with the grandmother, so long as it is just once a month. I had planned to call her this week, but was down with the flu and hardly capable of doing the minimum to get us all through day-by-day (being sick as a single parent has got to be the worst, hands down) – thankfully Primero stepped up to the plate and helped me out. The older sister told me last night that they were having a visit with the grandmother and wouldn’t hear me when I said perhaps she was but her sister and brother were not. She also asked about sleeping over and I felt so bad telling her she could not – she was so excited about it and it broke my heart but I know it was the right decision. I just couldn’t live with myself if she came over, made some unfounded accusation, and all the kids were taken away from me and not returned. It would be especially cruel to Primero since his adoption is getting so close at this point. Still, crushing a child’s hope is not something I enjoy doing.

Hermano has maintained radio silence for a while now. I guess there’s no longer an attraction to my place, since he knows he will be moving back to town (or maybe already has). He really did a 180 from the first time he came for a visit until now. I don’t want to be a bother, but I still reach out from time to time to let him know I think of him and hope he is well. Who knows what’s going through that kids head. Primero doesn’t bother with him. They have such a strange relationship. Their older sister ran away from home earlier this week. I told Primero she could always come stay with us until she figures stuff out. She went back home to her aunt a few days later. I guess I just feel like I have some connection to these kids through Primero. Good, bad or indifferent, we are all connected by the magic of adoption. Primero seems to be getting excited by the pending adoption. He already invited his best friend to attend and contemplated who else he wanted to invite. I’m glad he’s looking forward to it. I think it will help to give him some closure and a new start all at once.