Boundaries and Good-Bad Days

Hermano contacted me out-of-the-blue today. He wanted money. The story he told was that he hasn’t eaten in two days and he was hungry. I asked him why he wasn’t in school, since he could have lunch there. He told me the food was disgusting. I suggested he walk to my work (because my building is sandwiched between a Subway and Little Cesar’s pizza – both places to get something to eat). He said it was too far to walk. He contacted Primero, since I give him money to buy lunch. He told Primero he left school so he wouldn’t get in a fight and that his foster parents weren’t home, so he couldn’t contact them. I offered to pick Hermano up after work and take him home for dinner, but he said he didn’t want to be “out that much” – whatever that means. Bottom line? He’s using and he was trying to sell me and Primero a sob story so we’d give him some money. It’s so heartbreaking. It’s just down right terrible that this kid is ruining his life this way. I reported this information to our CHOR case worker and she admonished me for suggesting I would take him home to feed him, since I can’t do that. I’m glad that Primero and I were able to stay on the same page and not enable him, but I know it’s a hard thing to do, especially when Hermano made Primero feel badly about setting boundaries like he did. I pray that Hermano finds a way out of the mess he is in, I pray that he fights the demons of addiction and overcomes them with a determination to have a better life.

Saturday was a good day. We did nothing but hang around the house in the morning. My dad came to fix my faucets in the kitchen and bathroom – they keep clogging with some kind of sediment junk. He also fixed the clothes washer so it doesn’t wash all the clothing in hot water anymore. Now, it only washes the clothing in cold water. Later in the afternoon we went to a first birthday party for the child of one of my friends. It was unseasonably chilly, but sunny and a very lovely day. While we were there Primero noticed a post on his uncle’s Facebook page about an impromptu going away party for his cousin. So, we ended up going to his uncle’s house after the birthday party. Love Bug was getting cranky by this point, so I fed him and rocked him to sleep. Chica Marie was playing with another little girl, but I was keeping an eye on her due to all of the issues we’ve been having lately. I had a nice conversation with Primero’s cousin about the babies and how her baby wouldn’t sleep until it was totally quiet, unlike Love Bug. I talked with his other cousin’s girlfriend and had a few brief conversations with his aunt. Primero spoke with his uncle most of the time. When we were leaving I thanked the aunt and uncle for inviting us over and his uncle said to me in parting, “You know you can interact with everyone when you’re here.” Wall, head, bang! Um ok, I thought I was interacting. I really, really thought I was doing a good job this time. I don’t know what more I can do! Maybe I should google a list of ice breaker topics to go prepared to yak my head off when I’m there. I don’t know what more I can do and it’s so frustrating to feel like any effort I make is just never good enough.

Sunday was less of a good day. Chica Marie was asked to leave her Sunday school class because she refused to listen to her teacher and she drew on the other kids crafts. So, she had to come sit in the sanctuary with me and Primero. When we got home, after grocery shopping, she had a time out for her behavior and then took a nap. For reasons unknown to the rest of us, Chica Marie woke up crying – not boo-hoo crying, but that whining howl that kids do. She didn’t stop for roughly 45 minutes. She also threw a temper tantrum at the farm later that day. My dad was sick with the stomach flu, but he came to check on us after hearing her screaming because he thought something was wrong. No, just Chica Marie in time out. It’s awesome.

It’s hard to believe that today Love Bug is 10 months old! I have narrowed my search down to two possible locations for his birthday party. I’ve begun looking at supplies and trying to decide where to order a cake. It’s just so hard to believe he’s not my teeny tiny baby anymore! He’s scooting around the house in his inch worm flop. He has six teeth and loves to eat everything, including non-edible items like power cords and cat toys. He sits up in his own now, like a pro but still seems to struggle to move from lying flat on his back to any other position. He much rather prefers to be on his tummy. His reflux is slowly improving, but at least once a week he has a day where he seems to have trouble keeping his formula down. He’s kind of a momma’s boy and will cry when someone else is holding him, especially when he sees me. He is the most adorable baby who’s ever walked the face of the earth (and, no I’m not biased at all!) and so curious about the world around him. No one can make him laugh like Primero, although Chica Marie is getting closer. He still loves listening to music and it will help to calm him down if he’s fussy. His hair is wild and I’ve begun putting some special cream in it to keep it under better control. When it’s wet, I twist the top into one curl and I think he looks so precious with his hair like that, although Primero hates it and shakes it out to look more like a messy mohawk. Love Bug is still on the small side, he can fit into most of his 6 months clothing still, although he has more room in his 9 month things. I’ve gotten him some 12 month clothes, but that’s still a bit big on him. He likes to stand holding on to someone’s hands and then he bounces up and down with his knees. He hasn’t tried to pull himself up yet, but I think he might start trying that. We went nearly 2 weeks with him sleeping through the night, then slipped back into having him up twice a night and now it’s back to once a night. I don’t know it he’s truly hungry when he wakes up, but he does drink and then falls back asleep in 15-20 minutes. I’m hoping he will truly be sleeping through the night before he’s a year old, but I think he’ll be the kind of kid who wakes up as a toddler. Chica Marie still wakes up at night, but she puts her music projector on and goes back to sleep.

Mother’s Day is looming on the horizon, just a few short weeks away. I don’t know if Primero’s bio mom will be out of jail before then, but I will ask him if he would like to do anything for her. I’m not sure if anything could be mailed to her at jail. I also have to see about getting something for the baby’s mom, although I’ve been seeing her so sporadically, it’s hard to say if she would actually get her gift before the day or not. Still, I think an effort should be made. We’ll see how it all turns out.