Perfunctory

I didn’t write about the visit from the county case worker last week. I guess I just felt like the whole thing was perfunctory, an afterthought based on the all the issues that were swirling around. The CHOR case worker was there as well and unfortunately, because of the baby, I was in and out of the discussions being had. Primero said he was back on board for the adoption after talking with his brother and another foster parent when he was in respite. I had been asked to think of some house rules, which I wrote down after jotting down the Webster’s definition of respect. Primero and I were instructed to think of consequences for breaking the rules, which we have not yet done. There was talk of the pregnant girlfriend. The county case worker explained how this was seen as a non-issue for so many people in the city. She even called it “culturally accepted” for many of the residence and when she said it was “normal” I interrupted and said it was not “normal” to be pregnant at 16 nor do I accept it. The fact that it’s seen as acceptable is, in my humble opinion, part of the reason why our city is consistently listed as one of the poorest in the country while the rest of the county is faring much better. With so much education and so many options, I simply cannot fathom why a girl would get pregnant in high school beyond being completely irresponsible. And, if it is a cultural thing, then I definitely don’t want Primero around it, thinking it’s ok for babies to have babies. To my knowledge, the children I have had in foster care were born to women who had their first child when they were teenagers, some as young at 14. Is there some correlation? I don’t know. But, I’m not ok with my son dating a pregnant girl. And I would really not be ok if he were the father. But, I’ve gone off topic….

Primero didn’t have therapy last night because things have settled down. He’ll have therapy next week, at his regularly scheduled date and time. Last week the case workers left thinking everything is right as rain. Primero thinks since his decision has been made (again) all is good. I think I’m the only one who hasn’t drunk the Kool aid. And soon enough we will have a chance to test our new found greatness. Primero was invited to attend his cousin’s son’s first birthday party in two weeks. He was very close to this cousin when he lived with his aunt and uncle and he misses seeing her since she had a baby, moved away and got married. She was not at the holiday events we attended because she is living on the other side of the county with her husband and baby. But, now she is traveling back for the first birthday party. Primero is really looking forward to it. He is looking forward to seeing his cousin, he is looking forward to his cousin and I meeting (we have the same name), and of course, he is looking forward to seeing his bio family. I’m dreading it. First of all, I feel like a fifth wheel because I was technically not invited and on top of that I will be bringing 2 extra bodies (Chica Marie and Love Bug). And no matter how hard I try, I just feel so awkward going to these family shindigs. I feel like I don’t fit in and no one really knows what to do with me. They all have history and understand one another’s history but I’m an unknown as much as they are unknown to me. I don’t want to interfere, I want to allow Primero to be himself when he is there, but at the same time I need to observe (he is still a foster kid and so I still have to report things to CYS) which only adds to the awkwardness. His aunt has been kind to me in the past spending time talking to me and holding the baby, but I’m sure she will be busy with her daughter and grandson, ditto to his uncle. I don’t know if his bio mom will be there and I haven’t asked because I don’t want to make a thing. I did ask if Hermano would be going because I would offer to take him if his foster parents can’t/won’t. They were totally unresponsive to the previous attempt to get the boys together, so I have no idea how this would go. I guess I’m mostly anxious about this family gathering because it seems like the other times we were with Primero’s bio family is when things started going sideways. I want this to be a positive experience, but I’m dreading it so much! Hopefully all my worry will be for naught, but past experience has not proven this to be true. I wasn’t excited about any of the previous events, but I certainly didn’t dread them as much as I do now.