Pirate Party

We had Love Bug’s first birthday party on Saturday. It was exhausting and stressful. Primero was an incredible help both the night before and during the party. Unfortunately, Love Bug was still sick and not in the mood for much partying. He howled anytime anyone but me tried to hold him. His grandmother was there with his aunt and cousin who is just a few months older than him. His former baby-sitter came with her girls, her mother and adult daughter. My aunt and uncle were there and my mom, but not my dad because he was working at the market. The owners of his current daycare were there as well as another friend from work and my former college roommate and her baby. And my close friend, who helped get some of the food in order and set up was also there. So, it was a small party, but it was nice. I just wish I hadn’t been so stressed out about it that I could enjoy the party more. I forgot I had wanted to bring his baby book along for everyone to sign as a keepsake and I’m so so so bummed about that. I’m thinking of carting it around with me to get signatures of everyone who was there. I made a pirate ship out of a watermelon and added other fruit for a fruit salad. I cut hotdogs and boiled them to make octopus’ which everyone seemed to enjoy. My mom made chicken salad and I made egg salad which I put on small croissants for little sandwiches. I made a veggie pizza from my friend’s recipe. She makes it for all her shindigs and I always love it. I also made ham and veggie wraps and cut them into pinwheel pieces. We had chips, pretzels, goldfish, cheese, and pickles. I bought bottled water and wanted to make punch in these cute glass serving containers only I filled them with ice which clogged the spout and then it began to leak. Primero and his friend led the games for the children. We had pin the eye patch on the pirate, pirate themed tattoos, and a treasure chest piñata. We arrived late at the party, luckily my mom was the only one on time. On our way to the venue I realized I forgot the baby’s diaper bag with, among other important things, his special pirate onsie and pirate leggings I bought off of Etsy. So, after Primero and his friend helped me unload the van, I ran back home to grab the diaper bag and get back to the party. I had no hand in helping to set up the decorations or anything. I ate a few bites of food but couldn’t finish anything because Love Bug was glued to my side and screamed if I tried to pry him off of me even for a brief moment. By the time the party was over and we stuffed all the left-over food into the refrigerator, I was ready for bed. If I had to do it again, I would certainly try the less is more approach and not have quite as much going on or enlist more help in food preparation.

Friday afternoon was court for the little ones. I expected it to be long and messy, since that’s how it was the last time. Instead, it seemed like things were more organized. When we got there we were ushered into a back play room for the kids. The county case worker didn’t want them to see their mom at all, so the plan was for an intern to baby-sit while the adults were in court. If the judge wanted to see the children another case worker would bring them into the court room from a back entrance. We waited in the playroom for about an hour until we were called into court. During that time I chatted a bit with the sister’s foster family. They raved about how different she was without the visits and how much they loved her now. Despite being given an invitation weeks prior, they forgot about Love Bug’s party and had made other plans. I was so bummed and so was his sister. We were instructed to get the children together once a month on our own, assuming they would not be seeing one another at visits. We filed into court and their mom was already seated at the table. She did not turn around to look at us. Since the judge was not in the court room the mom’s attorney, the county’s attorney, the county case worker, the GAL, and some other random person all went into a room behind the courtroom to talk. I had more hushed conversations with the sister’s foster mom. I don’t know how to explain it, there is something about her sudden change in attitude towards the sister that seems wonky to me. I feel like this is the first time I’ve ever heard her speak positively about the child. After about 20 minutes, the group came back into the courtroom and about 10 minutes after that the judge showed up and started the court session. Before anything got started the mom’s attorney asked for a side bar and the whole group including the judge traipsed back into the back room for another 15 minutes. When they came back out the judge asked the county attorney to state the purpose of the court session and then recognized that the bio mom had agreed to have the visits suspended and that she would begin doing the things the county has asked her to do in order to get her kids back. Court was then adjourned.

Love Bug’s mom had gotten him a toy car that he can sit on and it plays lots of songs and talks (I still haven’t completely assembled it) for his birthday. The county case worker gave it to me and the CHOR case worker covering the court hearing (our normal case worker was out on vacation) helped me carry it to the car. Saturday I got a letter stating we have a permanency hearing the second week in July. I feel like last summer we went a long time with no court hearings (because mom and her lawyer kept getting them pushed back to get her a more favorable psych evaluation) and now we seem to be having them constantly, one in May, one in June, now one in July. I don’t know what will be discussed at the permanency hearing or if it will just be the same rehashing of the same things ad nauseam. Love Bug will officially turn one on Saturday and next Tuesday he will have lived with me for a year. I feel like it’s time for things to start happening rather than letting him and his sisters languish in the system. We shall see.

It was nice to see the kids grandmother at the birthday party. She was thankful to be invited and to participate. She said she has been working a lot of overtime and not been able to make time for visits. She indicated she was still trying to get the older sister moved in with her. She also indicated that the kids mom had recently been in jail because she helped transport her once she got released. The grandmother was happy to know that Love Bug and Chica Marie have been doing well. I told her about court the day before and when I said I felt bad for their mom she stopped me. “It’s all about what’s best for the kids.” She reminded me. There is certainly a sadness in her voice when she talks about her daughter. But, she wants to be sure her grandchildren are taken care of first and foremost. I can certainly respect that. I hope she will stay a presence in the children’s lives because I think she is a good link to have to their older siblings and a better understanding of their past.