Example Day

I feel like not a day goes by without someone having some sort of issue. Take today for example:

Esperanza refused to go to school and threatened to drop out because two boys had been making fun of her and spreading rumors. She was distraught but would not tell me what was troubling her, only that she hated her school and didn’t want to go back. I know she has been hurt by so many people, especially adults, in the past that it is nearly impossible for her to trust. But, I really wanted to help her but my assistance was hampered by the lack of information she was sharing. I promised her I would go to bat for her, I would handle this issue that her school would have to hear me even if they wouldn’t listen to her, but I needed to know what I was fighting for, what change I needed to see occur. She would not budge. She wouldn’t tell me a thing. I won’t stop trying and I told her that when we spoke about it today. She apologized for making me “feel a type of way” last night and I told her I wasn’t upset about it and didn’t blame her for not wanting to tell me anything. I promised her I just wanted to help and I also promised her I wouldn’t stop trying to reach out to her. I know it’s hard for her to trust again after all she’s been through. I can only hope that my consistent actions will prove I am worthy of her trust. I did call the school this morning. I called the attendance line to report she wouldn’t be there and then I called the school social worker, who has been her biggest advocate to date, and then I called the vice principal whom I met when we talked about the fight Esperanza got into a few weeks ago. After a few phone calls to the school the problem was resolved and the one boy, who is her friend, text her to apologize. She will return to school on Monday. I hope she will see this as an example of how I was there for her and how I used my words and not threats or my fists to resolve a problem.

Primero started attending a brick and mortar charter school instead of his cyber school and he complains every day about how bad the students are at the school. He wants to go back to the cyber school but I want him to stick it out because A) he just started there and needs to give it a chance, which is more than one week and B) he really needs the structure and in-person attention he will get at school versus online. I just hope his grades reflect that we made a good choice because I don’t want him to skip from school to school every year, as he has all his life. I want him to spend all 4 years of high school in the same school. Next week he will celebrate a year being with his girlfriend. He said he wanted to get her a ring, but I nixed that idea pretty quickly (even though he wasn’t talking about a commitment ring, I still don’t like the idea). I don’t know what they will do. They only see one another briefly when she stops by the after school program to say hi. Her parents won’t let her attend and I explained to Primero that she has different priorities and should be expected to be home with her child and not gone all day for school then all night for the after school program. Sorry, not sorry, her child needs to come first. I know it sounds terrible, but I really just keep hoping they will break up and he will move on and find someone not in the situation this girl is in. After all this time together, you’d think I would get the hint and give up, but that just isn’t me. I don’t like her and she’s done nothing to persuade me to think otherwise.

Yesterday Chica Marie was given two written reprimands for hitting another child and for pulling a different kids hair. In the past her teacher has expressed how Chica Marie doesn’t always talk nice to her friends, that she calls them names and is mean to them. This is the first instance of hitting. So, before we left the house this morning we talked about what it means to be nice to our friends and what are some things we can do when we are angry. I’m hoping this helps. It seems like she acts out more when we are having a good day than when we are not having such a great day. Sigh. This is the kid I need to work with more, she’s the most difficult and the one I struggle with the most. I want to help get her over this self-hatred that she apparently has, but I find that I spend half of my time trying to undo the behaviors she has that result in most of her trouble. Honestly, I think I need to find a different therapist because I really don’t think this therapy is doing anything for her. I need to talk to her case worker about other options.

Love Bug is getting his first year molars, two at a time just like his other teeth. Despite the teeth, he has been sleeping better again. He has a nagging cold/allergy that just won’t quit and he’s tired of getting his nose wiped. This morning he had a very neon green bowl movement which begs the question, “what did you eat?” because we had pasta for dinner. He still isn’t talking, just babbling and making a lot of noise. He has gotten much better at walking and now prefers to walk rather than crawl. He still needs to have his teacher receive him at daycare in the morning or he will cry and cling to me. If his teacher is there he does fine.

I had the unfortunate displeasure of attracting the attention of the husband of a friend of mine from our previous church. He works at Primero’s new school (he worked at the previous school too, so it’s almost like we are following him) and he’s been trying to hook up with me. It makes me so sad because he’s a nice guy and we are friends, but it pains me to think that he’s trying to do this – his wife just went back to work after having their second daughter in June. I know the pain of finding out your husband is with another woman but I could not imagine how it would feel to know she is supposedly your friend! Now I’m stuck with the dilemma of telling her or keeping my mouth shut.

This is our life in a nutshell. Any given day there are a plethora of things happening with all of us that need to be either addressed, monitored, or handled in some fashion. All of these things are relatively easy compared to some of the doozies we come up against. I’m sure my parents had days like this, where it seemed each kid had some issue they needed to deal with and had to triage which problem they would work on first, but unlike me, they could divide and conqueror, I just have to put on my big girl panties and wade on in.