Mamma Said There'd be Days Like This

Yesterday was a mess. Ever since he was in respite for one night over the weekend, Love Bug has not been sleeping through the night. In fact, he’s been fighting sleep and staying up for long stretches, which he hasn’t done in forever. Yesterday morning he woke up around 4:45 am. I let him fuss for a bit before I trudged into his room, scooped him out of his crib and plodded back to my room to give him a bottle. He fought going back to sleep after the bottle, which is not like him, but he did eventually doze about 20 minutes after waking up. I took him back to his bed and had barely laid his little body on the mattress when he sat up and howled and latched his chubby little arms around my neck in a death grip. I picked him up and took him back to my room to sleep in my bed, since this is usually the trick to getting him back to sleep when he doesn’t want to cooperate. I know, I know, it’s a terrible habit, but I honestly don’t do it that often and hey, I need sleep too! He would not sleep next to me, he had to sleep on me, like in a bear hug grip. It wasn’t long before he fell asleep again. By now I had to pee, so I carefully rolled him off of me and onto the bed. I slipped out of bed and crept to the door before he sat up and wailed. I decided my bladder needed relief more than the baby needed me to hold him, so he cried while I quickly went to the bathroom and returned to hold him tightly to my chest while he snored away. My eyes barely closed and my alarm was sounding. I snoozed it for a while then eventually pulled myself out of bed, leaving a sleeping baby behind in my warm crumpled covers.  

I buzzed through the day exhausted dealing with the daily irritations at work. My period, which had started over the weekend, was in full force with heavy bleeding and debilitating cramps. I was inwardly moaning all day. After snatching the kids from daycare and rushing them to a respite home, I met with Chica Marie’s therapist to discuss her behaviors. Chica Marie has been exhibiting some signs of personal sexual arousal during therapy and once at home. I find these things to be astounding, something not to be expected of a child so young. Both my therapist and hers seem to think it’s “normal” for a child not yet in school to be writhing on top of her hand to get pleasure and that I should simply ask her to do it in her bedroom and not in public. What?! No. Just no. I totally understand a child her age touching themselves, exploring their bodies or realizing they look different than their sibling. But, masturbating? Chica Marie’s therapist told me she has probably realized that touching herself gives her a certain feeling and if I tell her to stop it will only make her want to do it more. How does a child that is almost a baby get aroused let alone go all the way to orgasm? I’m sorry I just don’t accept this as being just a normal thing every kid does. If she were a teenager, it would be a different story, but as a child and little kid? No. Just no. I felt revolted as I left the therapy session, like I’m in the wrong world or something. I pick up the little ones and head home.

 

I had planned to make a recipe with sausage for dinner. When we got home I realized I had gotten steak out instead of sausage. Love Bug screamed incessantly. He was tired and wanted a bottle. He obstinately refused to take one swallow from his sippy cup, throwing it to the ground when it was offered to him. I was exhausted and hungry. I warmed up the last of the chicken noodle soup I made the other night and tried to feed it to Love Bug. He refused to eat it and screamed and swatted away the spoon. I did manage to get a few bites down but could not eat my dinner because he howled if he wasn’t being held. I left the dinner mess sit in the kitchen and sat glossy-eyed on the sofa with Love Bug, trying to convince him to take his sippy cup as he shrieked in protest. He wanted a bottle and after an hour and a half of him bawling I gave in. I gave him a bottle and he promptly fell asleep in my arms.

It was time for us to pick up Primero and Esperanza from the CFA. I sent Chica Marie out the door ahead of me and stepped out with Love Bug in my left arm and my purse on my right shoulder. The next thing I knew I was lying on my back, Love Bug was awake and howling, and the neighbors were running over to help us. Apparently, someone had left a new phone book on my front step right smack dab in the middle of my door. I had no idea, so I stepped out and when I turned to lock the door behind me the book sent me and Love Bug to the ground. Luckily, Love Bug landed on me and not the cement porch. He cried from being jarred awake, not from being hurt. I twisted my ankle and got a brush burn on the back of my left hand, but I will survive. Somehow I managed to bend the metal frame of the screen door and I am really hoping Primero and I can bend it back into shape.

As if this all weren’t bad enough, Primero and I got into a humongous fight over him not listening to me and disobediently turning the heat on after I specifically told him not to. I found the heater on when we got home and house was stuffy. He had been complaining about it being cold in the morning and I warned him not to turn the heat on that it would warm up in the afternoon, which it did. The situation exploded to the point I threatened to call the on-call for CHOR and ask them to take him away for the night. We had a huge blow up and Primero retreated to his room and I to mine. Primero called and talked to his previous CHOR case worker and she was able to reach him, talk some sense into him and we made up before going to bed. But, whew! What a day!!