Therapeutic Foster Care

The Tuesday before our staycation I received a phone call from Chica Marie’s mobile therapist. Apparently, Chica Marie had been telling a story at daycare regarding a hot bath, her hair being pulled, and a belt. The TSS worker, knowing this sort of thing could constitute a call to the child line, called her supervisor asking what she should do. The supervisor asked the mobile therapist to call me. I was blind sighted and confused, but even more than that I was scared. Mini Momma had made accusations, in fact that is what started her bouncing from one foster home to another. I was terrified to think Chica Marie would start doing the same thing – not just for myself but also for the boys. There are a lot of ramifications if we have to endure an investigation. And, it would be especially damaging knowing it was all based on a lie. At training that same night I alluded to the fear I felt and my family worker pulled me aside afterwards to get some more details. She suggested I write an email to herself, the acting case worker and the adoption case worker detailing Chica Marie’s behaviors. Everything I could remember. The email, when printed out, is over 7 pages long. And, I have since remembered some more things that I haven’t added to the list because what’s the point?

 

The last time the adoption case worker came over she said she would set up a meeting for all parties involved in Chica Marie’s case to discuss where things were and where they were going. It was planned to be before the psych evaluation that the county had already planned due to reports of behaviors during camp. I had been dreading the date of our meeting regarding Chica Marie. What had started as a simple question – is the county worker putting the brakes on the adoption due to Chica Marie’s behaviors? – turned into a full-fledged intervention, with the ultimate decision being removal. Prior to the meeting the case worker supervisor/our acting case worker asked me to think over how I felt about a partial hospitalization program or a two week intensive evaluation done out of the home. She asked me if I thought our home was the best home for Chica Marie. How do I answer that? What is best about not being with your biological family? Would Chica Marie be better off as an only child in a home with two parents? I don’t know. I don’t think I can answer that objectively. Or honestly, without my emotions coloring the answer.

 

I went into the meeting with a feeling of dread and left feeling numb. I could get angry about how things were left to get to this point, but that won’t help me right now. Is it fair? No. But, nothing in the system is fair. I was told that, while I do a good job of notifying staff of the issues as they happen, it wasn’t until I wrote it all down (well, typed it up) that the full weight of what I’ve been saying all along was evident. I could blame this on the bevy of case workers we have had during Chica Marie’s tenure with me, but again, that won’t help matters. I’m better off dealing with what is – Chica Marie has been recommended to therapeutic foster care. When they talked about removal during the meeting, I cried. I know, I know – as a para-professional I’m not supposed to let my feelings cloud my judgment, but good God I’m not heartless! Chica Marie is my child. While I’ve struggled with her and even wrestled with the idea of trying to move her out, I always came back to the fact that she is my child. Nothing made that more evident than hearing she would be taken away. “We are her family,” I declared and so there is hope she will be able to return to us once her behaviors have stabilized. At least, this is the hope.

 

Before the meeting with the school on Friday (more on this later), the county worker informed me the referral for therapeutic foster care had been made. I think she expected me to be, I don’t know, happy? Relieved? All I say was, “oh, ok.” And my heart sank. This was one less hurdle for the county. Next, they take this move to court, where I’m sure they will have no problem acquiring the approval and once they find a home she’s gone. I begged to have her stay in the same school, to give her some continuity. “They” think she needs to learn to deal with upheavals in life, this is part of her problem. I see them setting her up for disaster, at least in the beginning.   This whole everything is just so hard! I want to believe, as so many of the professionals have told me, this is the best thing for Chica Marie, this is giving her the best shot, but it does not feel that way – it feels like I’m giving up on her and sending her away. And that hurts like hell.