Can I Get A Witness

 In September my foster daughters were abducted from my home by their parents. It was a traumatic event for me and my children. Fortunately, we have been able to work through it and other than wishing we could have said good-bye to the girls, we have basically put the incident behind us. We even had a placement since they left. In my mind, it was all over. I had signed up on the registry website to see when the parents might be release from jail and I found, after they were returned to our state from a neighboring state, they had a preliminary hearing scheduled for Friday. Other than wanting to know they were still in jail, I didn’t think much more about it. Last Wednesday I could see through our Ring camera a Sherriff had come to our house. I panicked. I know I am a law abiding citizen and should have nothing to fear, but I had no idea why the law might be looking for me. I asked Primero and he also had no clue, but wondered if it had anything to do with the abduction. I told a friend about it and she suggested contacting the Sherriff’s office to ask why they were looking for me. It was too late in the day, so I called the next morning. I spoke with someone and he asked if I had witnessed anything recently. Yes, the abduction. He didn’t confirm, but what else could it be? My next panic attack was because I had not received the letter CYS told me they would send exonerating me of the allegations the girls mom made. I emailed the case manager and she emailed me back almost right away with the letter she had mailed the beginning of October. I forwarded the letter to the CHOR case worker and mentioned being subpoenaed for court for the parents, wondering if this might mean I would have to put my house on pause. She called me and said, “Yeah, I was subpoenaed too for court tomorrow.” Tomorrow? Oh man! I thought it was in the future. I lamented to her how I knew the only defense the parents had was to paint me as the bad guy. They had to rescue their daughters from an awful home. She confirmed this was likely what would happen and promised to stand up for me reminding me I had an exemplary record, completely blemish free. I was still upset, knowing this would play out in court and become public record. Lovely. My supervisor gave me sage advise when I told him I would not be into work Friday morning. He advised me to only answer the questions I was asked and to not add any further details. He also recommended finding a poker face, which I do not possess.

 

Friday morning I dropped Love Bug off at school and headed over to the court house. I was so nervous. Once inside the building I found the CHOR case worker and we chatted nervously while we waited. I saw the parents walk in and she confirmed they had been release from prison the previous Friday. So much for the notification system. Once we were finally allowed in we were ushered upstairs to a small room to check in as witnesses/victims. We waited some more before the lawyer came to talk to us. She talked to me first and said the hearing was basically the mom trying to regain supervised visits with her kids. I explained how I have been of two mind this whole time. On the one hand I am angry. I am mad because my home was violated and my children traumatized. I am angry that we were made to feel unsafe in our own home and then had salt poured in our wounds when CYS had to investigate the allegations. The compassionate side of me hurts for their children because they too were traumatized and confused by all that had happened. Then I told her I did not think having visits would be a good idea because it was during the visits that the parents were able to convince their daughter to do what she did. The parents had been able to manipulate their daughter into walking out of a safe, warm house carrying her baby sister. And they did this during supervised visits. So, no I didn’t think that was a good idea. The lawyer said she hoped we wouldn’t have to testify, but not long after she went into the court room, she came back out and said we would be needed. She wanted to have me go first and then the CHOR case worker. We sat outside the court room and waited. A few of the cops who had been at my house showed up in plain clothes. They too were subpoenaed to testify. The one told me the parents lawyer also subpoenaed the state police from the other state calling their report to the local police hearsay. Finally, the lawyer came back out and said it was decided things were moving to the next level (I don’t know what this means) and I would not have to testify that day. She also said the visits were denied at this point.

 

The hardest part was seeing the parents again. Being in their presence just rubbed me the wrong way. The mom was angry when she came out of the court room the final time. I’m sure she blamed me, I’m her favorite scapegoat. When I was leaving I accidentally made eye contact with the dad. I refused to look away, making him break contact first. I truly hope I won’t have to go back and testify, but the lawyer promised she would contact me and let me know if I was needed. She also promised to keep me informed about what was happening in the case.

 

I had written a victim impact statement before court and found it very cathartic. In the information I brought home there was a form for a child victim to fill out and I am going to have Chica Marie fill it out because she has been the most vocal about all that has transpired. I will email both of the items to the victim coordinator once they are complete. And hopefully we can finally put this all behind us.  

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Healing Moments

 The young lady who came after the disastrous abduction did not stay with us for long. I had told the case worker who called to see if we might be ready for a placement I felt having another child come to stay with us would be healing for us. It would show the kids that things don’t always end in such traumatic ways. I didn’t realize how healing it would be until after she was gone and Chica Marie found a note with the following written, addressed to the next child who might be the bedroom and find the note.

 

“This is [Foster Child] if you find this Empty Arms is a good foster mom. Don’t be scared you are safe – love a different foster kid… Don’t be scared. She is nice and will take care of you I promise. Don’t be scared to ask questions have fun – love a different foster kid. You’re safe.”

 

And now we are waiting on the next possible placement once again.

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Different Worlds

 I was talking to a co-worker last week and in the course of our conversation she mentioned how her ex-husband didn’t really want kids and he certainly didn’t want a second after their first oopsie child. But, one night they got drunk on vacation and he recklessly said, “Hey, you wanna get pregnant?” Then nine months later their son was born. If I hadn’t met her living, breathing son I wouldn’t believe her tale. Like, this actually happens? To real people? I guess we just live in different worlds.

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Healing Placement

 I thought it might take a lot longer, but last Thursday I got a call checking to see if we thought we were ready for another placement. There was an 11 year old girl who was coming into care after being with a grandparent for a while. She is the youngest sister becoming the oldest (besides Primero, but we see him so little) in our home. Things have been going pretty good, but it doesn't seem like she will be with us for very long but we shall see. Regardless, having her here has helped us settle our fears from what happened with the girls who were abducted from our home. 

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The Father Revealed

Prior to the floor dropping out from our world, the biggest bomb dropped into our lives was the revelation of Love Bug’s father. He has been asking me questions for a long time and I have always been honest with him. I was never told who his father was and none of the paperwork from CYS enlightened me, so I really had no clue. I had mentioned something to his grandmother many moons ago and she insisted his mom knew who the father was, but I am guessing no one else did. So, when Love Bug spent some time with his grandmother a few months ago, he asked her who his dad was and she said he needed to ask his mom. Later in the visit they called his mom on video chat and he asked her, but she didn’t tell him at that time. Instead grandma and mom both text me last week with pictures and a name. When I showed Love Bug he said, “I look like him” and then proceeded to ask me more questions. “Where does he live?” “What’s his last name?” “Does he play football?” His mom mentioned in the text message that his father has a wrestling picture of Love Bug and carries it around in his wallet, which I think it kind of weird. I don’t know why, after 7 years, this man is showing an interest, but if he is willing and Love Bug requests it, I wouldn’t stop them from meeting. At least Love Bug finally knows a little bit about his father.

 

Girls Gone Part 2

"911 what is your emergency?" 

"I woke up this morning and my front door was open and my two foster daughters are missing. I need help please!"

I could not believe the words coming out of my mouth. I held back a sob as I admitted the girls were missing. I kept hoping it would be a joke and they would pop up. I checked everywhere, even Primero's room. The girls were very clearly not in the house. After I repeated my plea to the city 911 I was told police were on their way to my place. I needed to call the foster agency on-call, but I accidentally called Poison Control. Quickly recognizing my mistake, I hung up and called the right number. I repeated my story again. After promising a call back from one of the case workers, I hung up again and started to get changed. 

"Mommy, I'm so glad I was in your bed and they didn't take me," Love Bug whispered, hugging my legs. I hugged him back and started making him some bacon for breakfast. I paced the floor while waiting for the police to show up. The case worker from CHOR called me back and asked me details about what happened. She said she would notify the county CYS. She also mentioned the girls mom had been trying to get the girls out of my home for some time. My heart sank. I had actually thought we had a good rapport and I was hoping we would work together to get the girls back home. But, obviously, this was not the case. I started to see Shy Girl's criticism as parroting her parents displeasure. 

Roughly 45 minutes after calling 911, three police officers showed up at my house. I let them inside and repeated the story one more time. "I woke up and saw the front door open. My son reported the girls weren't in bed and when I checked their beds were empty." They asked me what I thought had happened. My best guess was Shy Girl took Gerber Baby from her crib and walked out the front door. I had noted she did not take any shoes. She did not take the baby's blanket. She didn't even take her tablet, which I assumed she used to communicate with her parents. They instructed her to walk out and she did around 5:12 am. The police found a neighbor with a camera that faced our place and they saw a small figure leaving our house at that time. 

I took Love Bug to school and warned his teacher what had happened, in case he had a bad day or he got upset. I had spoken to Chica Marie and let her know what had happened. I hated not being able to see her that morning, but I felt better talking to her. I was glad she wasn't home when everything happened, but she feels guilty thinking if she had been here the girls wouldn't have left.

I had called Primero to see if he remembered the code to get into the tablet. He had used it before to make sure messenger was deleted from her tablet. He had slept over at his friend who is a girl but not a girlfriend because they don't use labels but she introduces him as her boyfriend to her family's house. Primero woke up and rushed home to give the police access to the tablet. Before handing it over to the police he saw emails from mom to someone in CYS. A Google search showed this someone was the regional director of CYS. The emails were sent that morning probably right before they took the girls. 

The police were around our house for several hours, finally leaving to write the report and ping the parents cell phones to find them. I had gotten a few calls from the supervisor from CHOR and I called my parents to tell them what had occurred. I also told work I would likely not make it in that day. With nothing else to do, Primero, his friend and I went to brunch. I was crawling out of my skin with anxiety. After brunch we went to Best Buy to get a camera and security system. While there the supervisor called to report the mom had called the boys. There were 4 children total in the family. We had the girls and another CHOR family had the boys. When the mom was talking to the boys they heard a baby cry and the boys asked what baby was crying, The mom hung up the phone. It seemed very likely the girls were with the parents. 

The missing children was reported in the news and few friends reached out, recognizing the girls and worried about what had happened. Chica Marie text me off and on through-out the day asking for updates. Finally, just after lunch it was reported the girls were found safe in Delaware and their parents were apprehended. The girls were not going to be returned to our house, they were going to a different foster home. The school called me, having been advised to what had happened. They let me know CYS had been into school the day before to talk to Shy Girl. I asked CHOR if an investigation was going to happen and they could not tell me.

Friday I was staying with my grandmother because my mom was having chemo and they worried about leaving her all day because she is having some memory issues. The camera on the front porch chimed and Primero answered the door. It was someone from CYS needing to ask questions about allegations. They wanted to speak to me but I would not be home until around 5 and she didn't want to come back at that time. So, this afternoon she came to see me. Apparently, it was reported the baby was left to cry for hours and no one was allowed to comfort her. There was no lock on the bathroom door and it made Shy Girl afraid to use the bathroom. And the baby's foot, which had already been reported with pictures. I had already answered the same questions from the county CYS case worker and gave the same answers. I was so angry to have salt poured into our wounds after having the sanctity of our home violated. The case worker assured me the allegations would be unfounded, but still where is the humanity in all of this? These people came to our home and coaxed the children out of the house while I was sleeping. Did they come into my home? I have no way of knowing. But, our sense of security is shattered. The children won't sleep in their bedroom. Chica Marie wouldn't go into her room for a few days. On Friday, I could not get Love Bug to go to school because he didn't want to leave me. I kept us busy this weekend, but it will take time for us to truly feel safe again.

Girls Gone

 I have a hard time going to sleep at night because it happened when I was asleep. When I close my eyes I see the empty beds, the front door eerily ajar. I hear my voice choking down the panic talking to 911. I see myself pacing the house, Love Bug following in my nervous wake. I feel the horror all over again when I try to shut my eyes. 

Let me back up to the beginning. On August 18th we had our first foster placement come to stay with us. On a stormy night 8 year old Shy Girl and her baby sister, Gerber Baby (7 months old) arrived to our house. We were adjusting to adding new kiddos into the home as well as the start of school. There were some bumps in the beginning. Shy Girl had a tablet with her and she was talking to her parents causing a wellness check before her first 24 hours with us. But, knowing it is hard for kids, especially when they are a little older, I chalked it up to just trying to get her connected to us and settled into a routine. In what can now be seen as a premonition the case worker who came for the wellness check (at midnight no less) said, "be careful, this one seems like a story teller." I removed the kids messenger from her tablet and we proceeded. Five days after moving in with us the girls had a visit with their parents. The case worker brought them home and Shy Girl was fairly distraught. As we were talking, the case worker took a call and had to leave. We went into the house to get the girls ready for bed. Shy Girl wanted to talk to her mom, which I thought might help her with her crying but it only seemed to make it worse. We hung up and shortly after I missed a call from the case worker. Her voicemail warned us to not go outside. I called her back and she informed me the girls parents were outside our house. After a lot of back and forth a supervisor from CHOR called me and said she thought it was just a misunderstanding. I felt uncomfortable but we went away on a brief vacation the next day and I put it out of my mind. 

Shy Girl was very critical of everything we did in our home, especially with the baby. It was never how her mom did it and she was sure to let us know. I figured she was just trying be sure we knew her loyalty aligned with her parents and not us. After a little while I stopped trying to please her because her negative Nancy attitude sucked a lot of the fun out of things. I capitalized on any small thing she seemed happy about and was devising a plan to help improve her attitude. It seemed every time I saw the county case worker I was answering to some issue or concern the parents alleged happened. There were a few minor accidents with the baby's foot. She got a scratch from the door latch and some brush burns from the stroller. Both things were reported to our CHOR case worker immediately. 

We were just getting into a routine with school and sports practice for Chica Marie and Love Bug. The baby was starting to adjust to our routine and mostly sleep through the night. I was even managing the crazy morning routine with four kids going to three places and the bussing issues driving me batty. Last Wednesday Chica Marie was asked to stay over at a friends house. I don't ordinarily allow mid-week sleep overs but this friends mom was going to be getting surgery soon, so I agreed. I dropped her off after cheerleading practice. Shy Girl was allowed to speak to her parents every evening. Sometimes she didn't want to talk, which always upset her parents. On this particular night I asked her if she wanted to talk while we waited for Chica Marie to practice. We were not allowed into the gym for practice, so we waited in the van. She refused stating she didn't want to talk in the van. Instead she took a nap and since the baby was also napping, I read a book. When she woke up from her nap, Shy Girl demanded to talk to her mom. I made the call and she hopped out of the van to chat. I stayed with the baby, so I did not hear the conversation. It was a short call because Chica Marie ended practice. We picked Love Bug up from his football practice, took Chica Marie to her friends house and went home to get the kids to bed.

The next morning my alarm went off at 6 as usual. I was happy the baby didn't wake me up at 5 like she had been doing. I started my morning routine. When I went out into the living room I saw the front door was open. I was mad because I thought Primero forgot to lock the door (something he has done before) and the wind pushed it open. I closed and locked the door and went to the bathroom. Love Bug woke up while I was in the bathroom. I spread my yoga mat when Love Bug came back and asked, "Where is Shy Girl?" "In bed," I responded. "Don't wake her up." I was worried about how our morning was going to be since Chica Marie helped me a lot and she wasn't there. "No, she's not in her bed." Love Bug insisted. I jumped up and walked back to the room. I turned on the light and saw the empty bed and crib. My mind refused to believe what my eyes were telling me. I felt my stomach flip as the realization hit me. The girls were gone. I ran for my phone and called 911. The nightmare had just begun....

*** I promise to finish the story soon, but just know it does not get much better from here.....

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