It has been a full year since the pandemic first hit. I struggled with the anniversary of being sent home from work for two weeks that stretched into more than three months. I sometimes struggle to remember how our life was prior to March of 2020. I struggle coming to terms with things changing once again, as restrictions continue to lessen. Just today we were reminded our ability to telework is good only until June 30th and they are working on a plan for everyone to return safely; those who haven't yet been back in the office full-time. I work from home three days per week and only going into the office on Monday's and Tuesday's. I've gotten used to the schedule and like most people, resist change even when I want it.
So much has happened since I last made a post here. I had Covid over the holiday's and while I never was sick enough to need medical attention, I was sick for over a week. My sense of smell and my energy were slow to return. Luckily, the kids never exhibited symptoms. Primero brought it home from work. He was sick for one night and lost his sense of smell for a few days. Our relations continues with it's ebbs and flows.
Love Bug and Chickadee have been in virtual school since September. It has been such a struggle, especially for Love Bug. The school board finally decided the parents can decide if they want to send their kids to school in a hybrid approach or keep them virtual. I have chosen the hybrid option. This begins April 19th and I am so glad for that.
Love Bug was evaluated again for Autism Spectrum Disorder, this time by a facility that focuses solely on Autism. It took nearly two years for Love Bug to be evaluated due to the number of requests. Just prior to starting the testing, the wrap around provider labeled him autistic and he had to change case managers. I didn't really care about the diagnosis, if he is or isn't on the spectrum, I just don't want the constant flip-flopping of services and providers. I feel with this diagnosis from the Center for Autism and Developmental Disabilities, there shouldn't be anymore questions. CADD believes Love Bug is high functioning autistic, or level 1. He is very capable in many ways and because he is so high functioning he is able to mask his challenges. This is also why his diagnosis keeps changing and why some professionals would not assess him as ASD. For me, this is it. This is our diagnosis and there is no need to question it any further. I won't be entertaining the question if he is or if he isn't. I want to focus on helping him learn to deal with the things that frustrate him and help him to better understand social interactions.
The last few weeks have been rough. I'm not sure why, but Chickadee began having issues, the same one that come and go, but this time she ramped them up a bit. A few weeks ago she threatened to hurt herself. Her case manager came over and wrote a safety plan, instructing me to contact the local crisis intervention service if she mentioned hurting herself again. Two days later she threatened to run away, she tried hurting herself and she threatened her brother. This went on for hours. The crisis intervention mediator suggested she was being manipulative with her behaviors but if she wasn't safe we needed to go to the emergency room. The only problem was, I was home alone with the kids and our van was not working. It began having transmission issues the day before. We ended up taking an Uber, only we got a limo. My first ride in a limo and it's to the hospital. How very 2021.
After two very long days in the hospital psych unit, Chica Marie was sent to an inpatient facility in a neighboring state. I wasn't able to travel with her because I had no way to get there without my van. Last week was a very bleak time. My vacuum stopped working on Sunday while I was trying to clean the house. Chica Marie actually started struggling that same day with wanting to hurt herself. The next day, when Primero had the van out in the evening, it started having trouble and he brought it home. It seemed like an issue with the transmission to me. I found out, a week later once the garage was able to take a look at the van, that it was indeed the transmission and it needed to be rebuilt. On a 5 year old van with less than 43,000 miles on it. Seriously?! I have the absolute WORST luck when it comes to cars! I know I should stop saying that because I'm sure this belief is the reason I am so unlucky, but it is hard to shake! Tuesday evening I ended up in the ED with Chica Marie. If you have never found yourself in a psych unit, let me tell you it is not a place you would want to be intentionally. It is a locked unit, so even though I wasn't a patient, I could not leave without a nurse escort. I could not have my phone or any other electronic device, which left me cut-off from the boys and everyone else. The room had a TV, a bed, a small rolling table, and they brought in a reclining chair for me. It was miserable. But, what was worse was the lack of communication. No updates, no news, nothing. I was going mad just sitting without an idea of what was happening. And I could not leave. Primero took my place briefly so I could go home and shower and change. But, other than those 90 minutes, I was just as stuck as Chica Marie.
So, tomorrow Chica Marie is coming home. I am happy to have her come home but I am also terrified. I feel very disconnected from her therapy at the inpatient facility. We had one very disappointing family session and one that was a little better. Chica Marie is said to be doing well, but it's literally the only thing she has to do. There are limited expectations and requirements of her there than at home and when she is in school. Mostly, we are wished good luck and I don't have a very good feeling about it. But, it is what it is.
I don't know when things will feel less hard. I don't know if a return to life as we knew it before Covid is possible. My telework time is set to end June 30th, but I guess that could change. The kids will likely continue a hybrid school system in the fall session, but I guess decisions about that will be made after they see how it goes this spring. I am not sure why I found it so hard to write during this time. Usually, writing is cathartic for me. But, it felt overwhelming to me during quarantine and even after. I lost my voice but I am hoping to find my way back.