Reunification

The little ones finally had court yesterday. I had all three siblings, including the older sister, because they were supposed to have a visit with their grandmother Sunday night. There was a communication issue and the visit didn’t happen and I ended up keeping the older sister from Saturday until court Monday morning. Monday it was the little girl’s birthday and so bio mom brought gifts to court. The girls turned into little gremlins once in their mother’s presence and they were obnoxious during court. A new court date was set in 6 weeks and the bio mom is hoping the children will be returned home at that point. The judge said they were making progress. My heart feels like a lead weight pulling me down. I cried when I put the baby to sleep last night. He’s my little boy. I don’t care that I’m supposed to be gung-ho about reunifying families, this is my baby. I’m the one who’s spent all these sleepless nights with a colicky baby. I’m the one he looks to for comfort when he’s cranky or doesn’t feel good. I can’t bear the thought of losing him. Even Primero acknowledges it would be heartbreaking if the little ones left. The case worker called me this morning to explain what happened in court because I was preoccupied with keeping three children quiet. She said the county case worker said the kids would only be sent home after the next court date if all the reports on bio mom are stellar. Just talking about sending the kids home makes me feel faint.

Small solace, but we heard that Hermano will be allowed to visit for both Christmas and New Year’s. I supposed the silver lining in the babies going home would be that space would open up for Hermano. But, last night Hermano put this long spcheal on his Facebook page about how awful it was that the county wouldn’t let him see his family for Christmas. Um, what? I guess we know where we rank.

I was so looking forward to my first Christmas with children and now I’m so over it. I’m tired and unsure, I’m scared and worried and I’m a little bitter and angry. I really, truly thought this was my time, these were my kids, this was my family. Never before yesterday has there been talk about the kids going home. It’s always been questionable, it’s always been an “if” – if they go home. Now, all of a sudden, we are talking about the actual possibility that if the bio mom can be on her best behavior for the next 6 weeks, the kids could be returned to her. There are no winners in foster care. There is no happily ever after.