The License Hurdle

I feel like we are finally getting somewhere with all this up-in-the-air business. Last Wednesday Hermano’s foster mother called me and basically lectured me for 20 minutes about how Hermano had changed since returning from the visit and all but called me naïve for letting the brothers get together. She was so negative about Hermano and I was so upset by the call that I contacted Primero’s case worker and told her all about it. She forwarded my email to the county case worker because she too felt the concerns where enough to warrant a change for Hermano. Friday he moved into a different foster home. He  begged me to contact his county case worker. I hemmed and hawed about it – I don’t want it to seem like I’m trying to go behind CHOR’s back, they’ve been good to me. And, I don’t want to jeopardize things for Primero’s placement or the babies. Friday I had lost my voice due to a cold I’m still battling. Today I contacted a friend who is a case worker for the county and asked her for advice on contacting the county case worker. She suggested I talk to the CHOR case worker first and I said the CHOR case worker knew how I felt.

So, I got up the nerve and I called the county case worker. She was nice, very nice in fact. She described Hermano as a “really great kid” stating she “loves that kid.” When I asked her to consider me a resource for Hermano she said, “I would love to! I would love nothing more than to move him in with you, but your agency won’t let you.” It seems the hang up is my licensing. I’m licensed for three kids and that is what I have right now. She suggested when it’s time for my re-evaluation that I talk to my agency about changing my licensing. Well, whatta ‘ya know, my re-evaluation is scheduled for this Thursday. It was supposed to be last week but I wasn’t feeling up to is and so I changed it to this week. I don’t know why the CHOR case worker didn’t just tell me this straight up, I feel like I was made to believe the county had something against it or thought the other program was more fitting for Hermano. To hear that my own agency was the stumbling block was a little unnerving. I mean, I understand why, I do. A single woman taking on three kids is fairly insane let alone throwing a fourth into the mix. But. But, we aren’t about some insignificant thing here. I plan to talk to my family worker about it when she comes out to do my evaluation. I don’t want to be pushy or try to make something happen that makes everyone uncomfortable, but I’ve gone this far for this kid – in for a penny, in for a pound. Doesn’t this kid, or any kid, deserve one adult out there who will fight for them, who cares enough to get uncomfortable for that kid? Like I told Primero, Hermano deserves someone who gives a damn about him and for whatever reason I get to be that someone.

I’m glad I got over my fear and contacted the county worker because I learned more in that two minute phone call than I did these past two months. I’m sure the reasons that CHOR gave me (it’s better that he not be in the city, they would feel uncomfortable and I should feel uncomfortable having him around the babies, the other program is better for him) are all valid and so even if I convince my family worker to increase my licensure to 4 kids, CHOR might still balk at allowing the move to happen. Still, I won’t know until I try and the answer will always be 'no' unless I ask. I mean, what would you do? If you were in my position, looking at a kid that needs a home, the brother to your beloved son, who calls you and trusts you to do what’s best for him, what would you do? I can’t uninvolve myself, I can’t turn off my compassion and stop caring, I can’t turn my back and do nothing. Listen, God directed Primero to my door and ushered him into my heart. I don’t doubt that for one second. Before Primero I had zero interest in adopting an older child of 8, 9, 10 years let alone a teenager. Last year this time if you asked me to adopt a teenager I would have flat out and emphatically said, “NO!” But, here I am today loving a teenage boy with every fiber of my being and thanking God every day for making him my son. If I was not the compassionate person I am this boy would never have been in my home beyond a few weekends in respite. I went out on a limb when I took him in temporarily. I was hanging on by my fingertips when I agreed to let him stay permanently. But, in the end it was so worth it. Now, I’m creeping back out to the edge of the branch for Hermano because my heart is big enough to fit just one more hurting child in it. If that makes me crazy, then so be it.