A Merry Little Christmas

Life has been eventful lately. Last week I had scheduled to take off the day before Christmas Eve and Christmas Eve because the daycare was closed. Usually, the governor lets all non-essential state workers leave work a little early on Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve, you know, since we don’t get any Christmas bonus or anything like that. Since we have a new governor we were all in doubt over whether or not we would get the privilege extended this year. Especially since the budget was not settled. I was at the dentist when I got a text from my friend at work stating we were being left out at noon and our site administrator was willing to allow me to bring the kids to work, if I wanted to save a vacation day and come in for a few hours. This sounded like a pretty good idea, since my vacation days are generally gobbled up by things like IEP meetings, court sessions, and other kid-related meetings/issues. So, Christmas Eve morning I struggled to get the little ones and myself fed and dressed and out the door, without the assistance of Primero because God forbid he get out of bed to help on his first day of vacation. Don’t get me started. We made it to work on time and I brought along things like snacks, sippy cups full of beverages, color books, small toys, and whatnot. There were only a few people working that day and most of them were cool, if not excited, about having the kids there that morning. Chica Marie spent a lot of time running between my friend’s cubicle and my co-worker who was retiring that same day. She liked the attention and the candy, but she got bored and started acting up. Love Bug mostly just wanted to run around and explore. I managed to get some work done when he sat and ate a few pretzels, but mostly I spent my morning running around after him. It was the longest half day of work EVER!

 

After work on Christmas Eve, I went to pick up Hermano and drive home. We went grocery shopping very quickly and had the little ones take brief naps before heading up to the farm for Christmas Eve dinner. It was nice and everyone was on their best behavior. After my sister and her fiancé arrived, we had desert and not long after that we went home. Chica Marie needed a bath but Love Bug fell asleep, so he got one the next morning. I read the Christmas Story to Chica Marie and we put out a plate of cookies with some milk and she went to bed. The boys moved the presents under the tree while Esperanza ate the milk and cookies, leaving a portion of a cookie and some milk behind.

 

Christmas morning we opened our presents in our pajamas and then quickly dressed to get to the farm by 10 for brunch. We were late, of course. We always are! But, we still had a nice brunch and then opened presents together with my parents and sister and her fiancé. We stayed at the farm until around 2, then visited with my grandparents as we were leaving. According to my father, my grandfather had a stroke sometime before Christmas, but he refused to go to the hospital, so he was weak and trying to get his strength back. My grandparents will be leaving this week to ride to Florida with my aunt and uncle to visit my cousin. I don’t think this is a great idea for right now, but my opinion on the matter does not count. Sadly, when I told my grandfather that Primero was officially adopted his response was, “Why would you do that? Now all his problems are your problems, you know that?” Sigh. After leaving the farm we drove to Primero’s girlfriend’s house to give her and her daughter their Christmas gifts. I stayed in the car with Hermano, Esperanza, and the little ones while Primero visited with his girlfriend and her family. During our wait, Hermano took a call from his mother. Quick side note here, the day before Christmas Eve Esperanza told me her aunt asked if I would mind if their mom attended the Christmas celebration at their uncle’s house. I said it wasn’t my house and not my place to say, but as long as Esperanza was ok with it, I was fine. I asked Primero how I could act differently so I wouldn’t be thought of as stand-offish and his response was, “I don’t know, she’s being different, so just be you.” Not helpful. We found out Christmas morning that she would not be attending because she couldn’t get a ride into town from where she was. She posted on Facebook how upset she was about not being able to spend a few hours with her family. So, back to the phone call to Hermano. She asked him what he was doing and he mentioned he was with Esperanza, Primero and me and his mom got upset and they got into a fight. There was a lot of back and forth, things put on Facebook and even involving Hermano’s girlfriend by texting her. I think in the end, he worked it out with his mom, but at one point she threatened to cancel visits with Hermano and Esperanza declared “this” is why she won’t talk to her mom. Over the weekend her mom sent her a friend request on Facebook, but she ignored it. Their older brother’s girlfriend did tag their mom in a post of a picture of all of them and their mom thanked her for that, but to my knowledge, Esperanza and Primero never spoke to her on Christmas. I feel sad for her, I’m sure she did really want to be with her family on Christmas, I mean, who doesn’t? But, her not being there is directly related to some poor decisions she made for her life, so it is a misery of her making. What surprised me the most was the cavalier and rather flippant responses I was getting from Primero, since he has always been her stalwart and most loyal defender. When I asked him what he meant about her being different he shrugged and said he didn’t know, but I sensed that perhaps something more happened. But, we were enjoying our day and I didn’t want to put any more of a damper on our time than had already happened.

We stayed at Primero’s uncles house until it was time to take Hermano home. His girlfriend ended up showing up at his aunt and uncle’s place but it ended up being a good thing. She’s a nice girl and I think she is trying to do the right thing, but she does let herself be manipulated by Hermano quite a bit. Her plan is to move south to North Carolina in May and she hopes to have Hermano move with her once he turns 18 and has his high school diploma. Personally, I think Hermano has a lot more growing up to do before he moves so far away from his family, but I kept my thoughts to myself. The girlfriend is living on her and she seems to be doing well for herself, but she can’t support Hermano and herself while going to school in a totally new state. She did say she told Hermano he can’t move in with her unless he can prove to her he can hold down a job. Hermano did have an interview at McDonald’s but we’ll see if he can keep the job or if he gets fired when he decides not to show up for one of a thousand lame reasons I can hear him mention. I sound like I’m trying to put Hermano down, but I’m not, I’m just realistic in what he is capable of right now. He needs more stability and more time in one place before he goes running off on his own without the safety net of his family to support him. Hermano is a charmer and in that respect he can get himself both into and out of trouble, but that will only go so far in the adult world. He needs more life skills under the watchful eye of a parent or guardian before he leaves the nest. Twice, recently, Hermano asked me to adopt him once he turns 18. I told him adoption wasn’t a joke, but it was a very serious matter. He got mad at me when I told him I thought he was joking. I’m not really sure what to make of it, but my sincere hope is that he will stay with his foster family for a little while longer before signing himself out of foster care. And I hope he will use that time to truly contemplate his future and where he would like to see himself. I suppose only time will tell if Hermano will begin making better choices for his life or continue down a path of self-destruction like his mother.