Get Attached

The week before last I called my dad to talk about the hurtful things my mom said over Thanksgiving. During our conversation I mentioned how I don’t think they have really grown attached to the kids I have right now and while my mom’s illness has been a major source of that, it’s also something else. My dad recalled how hurt my mom was after the baby boy she so dearly loved went home to his mother. It hurt her and so she didn’t want to get attached to any new foster kids. I get that, trust me I do! Does he not think I hurt when that baby and his sister went home? That I didn’t cry myself to sleep or sit in their room and sob? Perhaps they assume I’m callous or have thicker skin or for some unknown reason  don’t feel the same pain they feel. I don’t know, but I got the sense that somehow my mom’s pain was more grievous than my own, hers weighed more or was a deeper pain. On the hospital pain scale, she was hovering around a 10 while I sailed through at about a 3. It hurt like hell when those little ones left, just like it hurt when the previous children left. But, that’s all the more reason to celebrate Primero’s adoption! He’s staying! He’s ours now and can’t be taken away and won’t go anywhere until he moves out on his own. Get attached! Fall in love and enjoy every minute knowing he’s family, knowing he’s staying for good. I think I could understand the pain over the last children better if it was still fresh pain, but it’s been two years now. This baby is now a 4 year old  little boy. He would probably not recognize a single one of us if he saw us. He was, but Love Bug and Chica Marie and Primero ARE – they’re the present, not the past. Love Bug is nearly 18 months old (which, incidentally, is the same age of the baby my mother mourns) and he’s lived with me for all but three days of his life. How can you not get attached, not fall madly in love with this precious boy? Do I still think about the ones who left? Yes. Do I still miss them and wish to know how they were doing? Of course. Would I give anything to hug them and see them with my very own eyes? You bettcha. But, I can’t do those things in front of the current children or overlook the current children because of pain from the past. These children are here now and are no less deserving of love and affection simply because they might only be around for a short time. The fact of the matter is, Love Bug and Chica Marie are my longest foster care placement (well, technically Primero was). It’s time to move on and accept them. It’s time to get attached!