Some Answers

I had some time to talk to the county case worker as we sat outside the wrong courtroom waiting to enter (the place was a MADHOUSE yesterday and the judges were moved around and the system was down, the perfect trifecta for mass confusion – we were lucky to quickly figure out the mistake after several frantic phone calls from our CHOR case worker and a few wrong stops on different floors in the courthouse). At first we talked about the scene playing out before us, the one that could have been me in a different life. It was a young-ish couple (maybe my age, maybe a few years younger) with a tiny baby dressed in pink with a white bonnet surrounded by older people, assumed to be family. I didn’t think the baby looked warm enough and she wasn’t swaddled, but she was quiet and although I never saw her face, I assumed she was awake due to how the adults were interacting with her. At one point the adoption case worker leaned over and informed me the baby was from Arizona. What was unfolding before my very eyes is the type of scenario I only read about on adoption blogs – a private adoption being finalized. Everyone seemed deliriously happy.

This lead the case worker and I into a discussion of how I missed when Love Bug was that small but I don’t miss not sleeping through the night for over 13 months. She confessed her children slept through the night after one month and I explained what a finicky baby Love Bug has been. Even that morning he was crying because he wanted to be held and I was bending over zipping up my boots with my hair covering my face. Love Bug couldn’t stand being unable to see my face, so he pushed my hair aside and laid his chubby little hand on my cheek. “He’s such a momma’s boy,” I said then realized who I was talking to and tried to backtrack. The case worker nodded and commented on how inconsistent his mother has been. She explained to me how things had been going good for a few months after our last court hearing and then all of a sudden bio mom stopped responding and stopped coming in for her meetings with the case worker. She hasn’t been seen since the middle of September. Apparently, her lawyer has even reached out to the county case worker because she isn’t communicating with him anymore either. I confessed to having Facebook stalked her and found she had a new Facebook page. I mentioned the grandmother and the case worker said at this point she is only presenting for Mini Momma and not the little ones. The only concern is her partner’s teenage son and not because he is a problem but because of the accusations Mini Momma has made in the past – they worry if she gets mad about something she could make the same accusations against this boy. But, it seems like they will approve the grandma for Mini Momma and I’m very glad about that. I was sure to express to the case worker how changed Mini Momma was in her attitude and behaviors and the case worker credited the boundaries and structure in the foster home. The county case worker has no reason to believe things will change at court next week. That’s frustrating, but not unexpected. I find the majority of time we go to court it is nearly a useless endeavor and not much is accomplished. I know it is selfish and makes things harder for poor Chica Marie to understand, but I’m glad the grandmother didn’t present for the little ones. I know it’s awful, but I fear losing them so much after all this time…… I do have a relationship with their grandmother and I know we will keep the kids in each other’s lives, so maybe it isn’t so awful? In any event, I’ll be glad when court is over and we won’t have to go back for another 6 months.