Workplace Baby Showers

Let’s talk about baby showers. Now, I know some infertile women and men can attend baby showers without much hoopla. They can celebrate their friend/loved one/co-worker without the soul-crushing reminder of what they cannot have. This is not me. I HATE baby showers. I’ve gone to my share and every. single. time. I leave crying. This is after I hyperventilate my way through Baby’s-R-Us to buy their registry gift. My rule of thumb is to only go to baby showers of people who really mean a lot to me, someone I really want to make that emotional effort to be there for them. Like my roommate from college. Or my best friend growing up. If my sister wanted children and was having a baby shower, I would be there, although I’m selfishly grateful she doesn’t want kids and therefore won’t be needing a baby shower.

Last week there was a baby shower at work for one of our co-workers. Her and I are not really friends, we don’t hang out outside of work, we aren’t friends on Facebook. It’s not that I don’t like her, I do, but I wouldn’t put myself through the emotional turmoil to attend her baby shower. Yet, there’s the peer pressure, the societal expectation, that I do attend. In fact, as I was quietly sitting at my desk, trying to ignore the quickly approaching time of the party, I was called to attend. I was hoping to just hide and avoid the event because my co-worker friend was out sick and I had no allies to be there with me. We had gone together to pay her mom to make a beautiful baby quilt – it keeps me out of Baby’s-R-Us, so it’s all good. Unfortunately, the quilt is not yet done because my friend’s mom is back-logged due to other people procreating and requesting quilts, so I had to get a card and write out an ‘I owe You’ explaining this. And I had to go to the shower alone. I hold the momma-to-be no animosity and I am happy for her, but I just didn’t want to be in the baby shower, plastering a fake grin on my face. A smile so tight it would make my eyes sting and my stomach hurt. I gave myself a pep-talk as I slowly walked down the hallway to the gallows, er lunchroom. The expectant mother arrived before I did, so the surprise was already underway when I got to the threshold. I stepped inside, saw the decorations and cake and stuff and the room, already stuffy from all the warm bodies, became stifling and I just couldn’t force myself to stay. I set the card on the table with the other cards and quickly retreated. Thankfully, I didn’t add this event to my work calendar and so I scheduled an appointment right in the middle of it and it gave me a good excuse to drop the card and run. Still, I hate that this is a thing and I hate that our office isn’t big enough for me to beg-off without it being a thing. In fact, as I was leaving for the day, one of the managers said she saw me in the room and then I was gone and she wanted to be sure everything was ok. I swallowed hard and answered, “it’s all good” because you know what? She doesn’t need to know, nor does she deserve to know, my story.


I guess this will sound bitter, but my reality is that I have three children and I had zero baby showers. I’m trying to remember if I got a card when I adopted Primero but I don’t think I did. The event when totally uncelebrated by my co-workers. I mean, why can’t we get cake and balloons and celebrate me adding to my family? So what if I don’t have a cute baby bump and don’t need loads of diapers (well, actually, that the time I could have used diapers, just not for Primero). This really would have been the most ideal shower because no one would need to bring gifts, just get a cake and call it a day – just a little something to say, hey, congrats! My parents took us out to eat and gave Primero a card with some cash in it, welcoming him to the family. That was our celebration, besides lunch at Olive Garden and a movie Primero wanted to see immediately following the court ceremony. I guess I sound selfish, wanting a “baby” shower when I’m obviously not having a baby, but really I just want my joy celebrated, I want me adding to my family to be recognized in some way. Is that so wrong?



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