List of Things I'm Thankful For

I feel like my blog has been a little bit negative lately. I’m sort of in a little funk at the moment, but trying to find my way out. So, even though it’s late for the holiday, it is never too late to list some of the things I am grateful for lately. Hopefully my list will help me get into the spirit for the next holiday on the calendar. So, without further ado, my List of Things I’m Thankful For:

 

1. I think this might sound odd to any non-infertility survivors, but for the first time ever I met a pregnant woman, listened to her tell me this was her second child and she’s having a girl to compliment the boy they already have and I was genuinely happy for her with no but for me. I wasn’t happy for her, but sad for me. I wasn’t happy for her, but bummed it wasn’t me. I wasn’t happy for her, but also a little jealous. I wasn’t happy for her, but heartbroken. I was just happy for her. It could have been the glass of wine I had or maybe being distracted because we met in a cooking class, but whatever it was, I’m grateful I didn’t have the other mixed feelings that I get hung up on when encountering a pregnant woman. Plus, I genuinely enjoyed her, she was lots of fun in our class.
2. I’m grateful my cousin’s wife let me spend a nice long time holding and snuggling their baby girl. She even let Chica Marie, who was totally obsessed, hold the baby. It was nice. I’m also glad my mom didn’t make any off-handed comments when she was holding the baby.
3. I’m grateful I was able to graciously accept Primero not joining us for Thanksgiving, being our first time spending the holiday separated. I’m also glad he agreed to keeping together for Christmas.
4. I don’t mean this to sound snarky, like I’m trying to be passive aggressive or anything, but I am honestly grateful life has been teaching Primero some serious lessons related to some not-so-great choices he has made lately. Primero is a good kid who has been bitten by the I’m-an-adult bug. Luckily for me, his hubris had been checked by sleeping in a cold van and embarrassing himself with some drunk dialing and conversations he wish he could take back. I just have to balance my smugness with genuine compassion and the ever-ready reminder these things were consequences for the decisions he made and expressions of hope that he will do better going forward. Parenting teenagers is hard. But, every now and again the natural consequences do a better job teaching than even the most seasoned parent can muster.
5. I’m surprisingly glad my doctor referred me to the weight management program at our local hospital. I probably won’t end up taking the medication they would prescribe me, but the doctor sent me to get an ultrasound of my thyroid because he thought he felt something. He described it as a fullness in my neck. The infertility doctor thought he felt something many years ago (6-7 years, I guess) but I never went to see the endocrinologist because we were done with infertility treatments by the time the office contacted me. Well, the ultrasound, which was on Black Friday, revealed a nodule. So, I’ve been referred to an endocrinologist once again. The nurse who called me explained they may want to biopsy the nodule, which I’m a little nervous about, but getting to the bottom of the issue is really what I am grateful for! Getting my thyroid working optimally could actually help me lose weight and be healthier. So, if the means to get there are this twisted path, so be it.   
6. Of course I am thankful for all the traditional things like my health (I mean, I still consider myself mostly healthy), a warm home, my beautiful children, my family, having a job (and income), dark chocolate, and a decent sense of humor.

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