Turning 18

Unbelievably, tomorrow my dear sweet Primero will be 18 years old and legally an adult. It’s hard for me to swallow, having a fellow adult in the home, but there is also a bitter-sweetness about it as well, knowing before too long he will be off on his own. I know this is a feeling most parents encounter when their off-spring reach the age of majority, but it’s extra-poignant knowing we’ve only known each other for the last 4 years. I think back on the 14 year old Primero on his first weekend visit with me. I was uneasy, not knowing what to expect from a teenage boy. I figured there had to be a movie we could enjoy watching and junk food is usually welcomed by ravenous teenage boys and, luckily for me, my game plan worked. We had a great time! In fact, we had such a good time that Primero came back to my house every weekend until he moved in officially. There was something serendipitous in our well-matched personalities; somehow it seems it was meant to be.

 

Now, that young, quirky teenage boy has grown into this amazing young man and I can’t believe I blinked and here we are on the cusp of adulthood. Just a few weeks ago Primero and I managed to snatch a few minutes to ourselves and he mentioned some anxiety about turning 18. For so long he had been bragging about becoming a legal adult, but I sensed there was an undercurrent of worry. I told him turning 18 wouldn’t change anything, his home is still his home, he is still expected to go to school and do all the things he needs to do. He expressed having had rather unattainable expectations for himself to achieve by the time he turned 18. Probably a left-over from his past, but he felt he should be all out on his own by the time he was 18 and I said that isn’t always the case and said how none of the kids in my family, including myself, were ready to be out on our own at 18. I think it settled him to know he wasn’t suddenly expected to take care of himself. It’s so sad to know, if he had stayed in foster care that might actually be the case. It’s the beauty of family; always having a place to hang your hat.

 

So, to Primero I wrote: “It’s hard to imagine this day has arrived so quickly. Technically I have only known you for the last 4 years and, much to your consternation, I’ve tried jamming a life-time of living into these short four years. I just wanted you to know how proud I am of you and the amazing young man you are and the grown man you are becoming. I know, even though I will always worry (it’s in the parental job description), deep down I know you have a good head on your shoulders and a big, beautiful heart in your chest. You are amazing and it has been such a privilege watching you grow and flourish these last four years. I am so grateful and blessed that you took a chance on us being a family. I can’t wait to see all the wonderful things you will do as an adult. I love you. Keep being amazing you!” And I only cried a little while writing it….   

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