Breaking My Silence #MeToo

I have been reading about the TIME Person of the Year, The Silence Breakers – women who have made public their experiences with sexual assault and harassment. Months ago, when I first saw the MeToo hashtag, I thought, “I’m so glad that’s never happened to me.” But, as I read more about The Silence Breakers, I realized I was brainwashed. I thought the incidents I have experienced were just a fact of life. I honestly didn’t give it much thought, but deep down I believed it was simply something women have to endure, like periods and pantyhose. But, now I know I join the ranks of millions of women who can say #MeToo.

 

I think I was 15 years old. This guy who liked me invited me to a concert with him and I liked the artist, so I went along. At his house his step-dad pushed my loose shirt against my chest to see if my nipples were reacting to the cold air conditioning in the house. He laughed saying it wasn’t cold enough. I was so young and naïve I didn’t understand what he meant.

 

This same young man became my stalker. He said he liked me because I was nice to him and he would not leave me alone. He would always find a way to be around me or try to get me alone and he never took no for an answer. One time he was caught watching me sleep during a church Youth Group sleep-over. He was asked to leave the group after that incident.                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

 

I won’t even get into the many, many times I was harassed in Nicaragua. Sadly, it’s a cultural expectation.

 

When I was in college I went home with my roommate and we went out clubbing with a bunch of her friends. We came home pretty liquored up and crashed on her living room floor. Her older brother had a thing for me and tried to touch me, kiss me, and fondle me while I tried to plaster myself to the floor to prevent him access. At one point I got angry and escaped to the bathroom. He tried to push his way in but the noise woke their mom and she yelled at him to go to bed. I down-played what happened to preserve the friendship but always stayed away from her brother.

 

Several years ago at my current job, an older male co-worker got too friendly with me. He would invade my personal space, touch me unnecessarily and one time when I was seated at a desk he came and stood behind me to show me something. He used the opportunity to push his crotch into my arm so I could feel him getting hard. I had a male supervisor and I was scared to death to tell him but I needed this to stop. So, I took my boss aside and explained what was going on and that I needed it to stop or I was going to have to report it to our union. He spoke to the man and he never came near me again. But, he did try things with other co-workers, so he did not learn his lesson. Thankfully, he’s retired now.

 

A different co-worker at the same job would take every opportunity he had to stare at my breasts, having full conversations never lifting his eye above my neck. One time he held a door for me so I would have to pass in front of him. I knew he wanted to look down my dress and hopefully feel my breast brush past him. I wasn’t in a good mood and so I demanded he move, stating, “I’m not giving you an opportunity to look down my dress.” He told other co-workers I was an uptight bitch.

 

I’ve had a first date stick his tongue down my throat, uninvited. And he kept calling me even after I told him I didn’t want to see him again.

 

I’ve been grabbed, pinched, swatted, tapped, and groped while out dancing with friends or drinking at a bar. Something about liquor makes it seem ok to accost a woman, I guess.

 

When I was talking to men I met online I had one man get mad at me because I wouldn’t let him come over to my house, I wanted to meet in public first. “Oh right, I forgot every guy online is a rapist,” was his caustic response. When I asked him why he didn’t want me to feel safe, he stopped responding, but he is still out there, demeaning women who have had the above and more happen to them just because they are women.

 

I didn’t share in the #MeToo social media campaign because I didn’t think I had anything to share. Sadly, I do. More than anything, I want to see this culture of entitled abuse to end so my daughter can’t write a list like the one I’ve written. At the very least, I’m going to talk to her about it so she doesn’t think it’s just something women have to deal with simply because we are women. And I'm going to raise sons who don't think any of this is ok because it's not and no one should be treated this way. 

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