Breaking-up Is Hard to Do

I swear there are times when things happen and I just can’t imagine them happening to someone else. Here’s the story. I broke up with my boyfriend over the weekend. We didn’t have a fight, nothing major happened, I just didn’t see our relationship going anywhere. A spark was missing. I kept thinking it would happen, the chemistry would eventually show up, but after nearly 6 months it still hadn’t and when I forced myself to consider the future I knew I wasn’t happy. So, I ended it. He was not pleased. Not at all. See, he saw things differently than I did. He was really into me and thought things were going well. I didn’t. I felt he was very closed off and couldn’t give me what I needed emotionally. I think I knew this was coming months ago but I kept pushing forward, thinking that spark would just pop out of nowhere.

 

I felt bad breaking up with him, really I did, he was a nice guy, decent, good to me. I spent most of the next day second-guessing myself. Then, the very next day (so two days after breaking up) I get a random message on my phone from a number I don’t know. It was some guy I had apparently dated (back when I was in the online dating circuit) and he was trying to reconnect. We chatted a bit before he asked for a picture of me, to see if I was the same person he remembered. He sent me a picture and would you believe it was the very same boyfriend I broke up with two days ago?!?! Seriously! I felt sick to my stomach. He kept talking to me, sending me a picture of the woman he thought I was (it wasn’t me). So, I had to out myself and tell him who I was. I sent him the only picture we had taken together. He was angry, again, and said things that made me glad I broke up with him. It was crazy. How do these things happen to me, honestly!

 

So, I’m single again and trying not to freak out about being alone. I know being alone is better than being miserable with someone. I’ve made a vow to get out more and do more adult things that might allow me to meet someone more organically than online dating. Online dating just doesn’t work for me, I can’t really tell if I have any chemistry with anyone and spend way too much time weeding out the freaks and sex fiends. I guess if I’m meant to be with someone it will have to happen in a way I don’t yet know. And that is so f-ing scary! Fate has not been a kind mistress to me, so it seems a fool’s errand to let meeting a special someone up to her maniacal means, but I think it’s the only way for me. Gulp!