For me, the very worst thing about being a single mother is
never, not ever, getting a break. Sure, I can plan to be away from the
children, but I can’t ever hand the planning, the preparing, the problems, or
mechanics of our lives off to anyone else. I cannot tag out, no matter the
circumstances. I was sick just before the New Year and all I wanted was to
sleep in my bed undisturbed. Having three young adults in the house at the
time, it seemed like a viable option, but it was not. I had to beg for help and
be specific about what needed to be done because if I just said, “do things”
nothing would have been accomplished. I had to lay out the plans, specifically
what needed to be done. And, even then, it was done to the bare minimum. Single
mom’s do not get sick days. In an ideal world, I would have other adulting
grown-ups (not the young adults who refuse to actually adult) to step in and
help me out, but I do not. I worry if something dire would happen to me (like
breaking my ankle and being nearly incapable of caring for myself, let alone
other little humans) how we would fare. I used to rely on my parents, but have
learned this is not the role they wish to play. I have friends and I’m sure in
a real crisis someone would help me, but probably not in a long-term kind of
issue like waiting for a broken bone to mend. How does someone get an actual support
system that would feed, clothe and perhaps bathe children when Momma just needs
to nurse a head cold? Is there a “How to Develop a Reliable Support System for
Dummies” out there?
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I'm not the right person to answer this, but I hope you do get an answer. Do you know other parents who have children the same age as your little ones? Maybe you could talk to them about reciprocal support, a pre-planned joint arrangement? That they can call on you to come over and look after their wee ones when they need to sleep off a cold, and vice versa? Because from what I observe, even if there are two parents, often if the Mom is sick, then it is a struggle getting help, especially if the other parent is travelling for work/has shifts/etc.
ReplyDeleteI guess the real problem is I don't know anyone like that. There is a mom who I'm starting to get to know from my daughter's school. Her oldest was in my daughter's kindergarten class last year and we spent some time together at school functions and are friends on Facebook. She is super nice (and married), but her three daughters are quite young and I would feel like it's too much of an imposition to suggest she help me out (even if I reciprocate)and it seems like she has a good system of family/friend helpers so there isn't much incentive on her part to include me. If I was a stay-at-home mom there would be groups I could join to meet other moms but there doesn't seem to be the same kind of thing for working moms. I guess it just is what it is....
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