It isn’t funny anymore. It’s not cute. I am angry and frustrated, I’m tired and weary and getting ready to give up. The only time I get any scrap of communication is to tell me when I’m doing something wrong (supposedly) or some other bullshit complaint. It is wearing on me and my patience is just about at the breaking point. I did snap today with the case worker and told her how irritated I am and how I’m sick of hearing the latest complaint from people I feel nothing but deep contempt. It is grossly apparent that they are bitching just to hear themselves gripe, just to feel like the big bully pushing someone around. They have nothing better to do than power-trip over the stupidest things. And I have had about enough. I promised myself to see this case through to the bitter end – giving the children some stability until they returned home. But, if I get nothing but complaints, then I can be done and move on. I don’t want to be a foster parent anyway – I want to be a parent with my own kids.
My head is going to explode; just blow right off my shoulders. My worst fears were confirmed – they punted the case down the line again. And even the judge was irritated at the persistent delay, according to the case worker. She didn’t think it would take 3 months for another hearing to be set up, it seems they are trying to get one on the calendar sooner. But, nothing is changing until then – no resolution, no conclusive ending. Just more of the same – wait, wait, wait, wait. And, if this wasn’t bad enough, if this information was not enough to make me want to lose my mind, I was also told that both mom and the relative reported the older child coming to visits dirty. And I was not quiet in my outrage. I am not a dirty person and I take great offense at the insinuation that I am dirty or that I allow the children living in my house to be dirty. Let me tell you where to get off and how! I know I promised to see this case through to the bitter end, but my patience is being tested to it’s very breaking point. Again. I’m so fed up I really want to just walk away today. Just be totally DONE. Just go back to a quiet boring life without the constant barrage of complaints and issues and having to rearrange my life and my schedule to appease someone else. It is a very good thing there is an hour long drive between me and that mom because I doubt I could be civil with her anymore. I would like to have her out of my life in every way, shape, and form. I don’t know how other people develop such lovely relationships with the biological families of the children they have in foster care or adopt – this is my only experience with a biological family and I never want to deal with these people again – EVER! I am very seriously contemplating putting in my 30 days notice and moving on completely. Maybe giving up entirely because I just don’t think I have the personality to do this, I don’t have the patience to keep putting up with the bullshit. If everyone could just leave me and the baby alone, things would be fine. But, that’s just not the case. And I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m tired of hearing myself say that – it might be time to move on. It might be time to admit defeat, put up the white flag and surrender to a childless life. I could travel, explore the world and forget all about the life I really wanted…….. I ask again, when is enough enough?
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